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Hey all, this is something I've been working on for a while, but only managed to get a decent take of it now. Did this all in one shot, so it was pretty difficult for me. Hopefully it gets the point across, any help would be greatly appreciated!

Deep Water
© Kyle S. 8/14/14
http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12886579

Deep water
Keep your head up
Fighting against the tide
But it’s never enough

So reach out now
Give me your hand
It’s getting too deep
For me to stand
And I can’t bear to watch you slip away

I’m going under and I can’t breathe
Drowning in thoughts of you and me
In deep water

I’ve been fighting
This feeling for so long
And now I know that
I can’t move on
I’m taking on more water than I had planned

If I’m going under at least it’s for you
For a chance at love it’s the least I can do

So I’m going down
I’m taking on water now
And I’m going to come back up with you
Don’t know how deep I’ll go
But baby I’ll find out soon
I’m in deep water now
Baby it’s true
I’m in deep water now
Deep water for you

Since pickin', voice is easy to listen to. The structure seems unclear. This listener had trouble identifying with the sections except the double chorus at the end. m

Hope this makes sense.

I had no issues with the format or lack there of... I enjoyed it! Reminds me of something Jason Mraz might do. You have a very pleasant voice that works well with this simple arrangement.

Tom

Hi Kyle ,
I really enjoyed the listen and performance .
Keep up the good work .
All the best
Jan

Neil, thanks for taking a listen! It is a bit of an unorthodox set up (which I don't usually do), I was hoping it wasn't too confusing. Thanks for the input!

Tom, Jason Mraz isn't bad company to be in! I appreciate the kind words Thanks for taking a listen.

Jan, I appreciate it man! I'm glad you enjoyed it

Kyle

Your playing sounds good on this. I like your voice too. I think the song needs some variation. It's mostly the same melody and idea lyric wise. Maybe he takes her hand & they jump in together..or something along those lines. Musically, I think it needs to move as well. Perhaps a bridge would help.

Just some thoughts.

Wendy, thanks for taking a listen to this! You make an interesting point about variation (or lack thereof) in the song, it seems that has been a problem of mine as of late. I have the toughest time making bridges that sound like they fit in the song, but also different enough to make it refreshing. I'll look into it and see if anything comes up. Thanks again, I appreciate it!

Kyle

Kyle,

Nice current sound and structure here. I was digging this--I think this is my fav of yours and here's why.

First of all the melody grabbed me quickly, and was interesting as it took me on a little music ride. When this happens, and probably because I see myself as a music guy first, I just enjoy the ride. When I listen again, I'll start listening to the lyrics more closely. This is the key to good songwriting--composing melody--which captures the spirit of the listener--it's why they listen!

I'm too tired to delve into the lyrics, as I just had a long PM with someone.....but nice job here, nice start.

I have some advice here for you, since you are youthful with perhaps a chance to go to the "party." Yes you are sounding a little like Jason Mraz as Tom mentioned, also I'm hearing Phillip Phillips influence a bit. What I heard today that seemed a little different with your vocal--was a hint of Dylan. I think a good exercise for you would be take this song at home and sing it in your "best" Bob Dylan impression. Then maybe your best P. Phillips impression, or maybe someone else who's voice that would be cool with this song. Do this a few times with each, then come back and just try and be "YOU." This is a process to in the finished product, not to be Dylan or Mraz, but be you with subtle influences of each that then give YOU a unique style of your own. Then if you get lucky someday, someone may and try and imitate you!

Nice song for today's youth here.

steady-eddie.

Eddie, thanks for taking a listen and for the helpful words, it's much appreciated. You had an interesting point about sounding like yourself rather than your influences. I'll definitely play around with my sound and see what happens! Thanks again eddie

Kyle

Kyle,

Very cool song.

When it started, the lyric had me thinking a syncopated strum would work better than the fast picking. Then you switched to that in the chorus (I think you should play the verses in that style, as well).

Keep 'em coming. Each one is better than the last. And they are very enjoyable to listen to.

fj

Floyd, thanks for taking a listen to this. Interesting comments about the syncopated strumming vs picking. I think my difference in timing really got in the way of what the picking could have been. I'll play around with the syncopated strumming at the beginning of the song, but I also think that my timing on it is equally important. I appreciate the kind words

Kyle

Ed has a good idea about the vocal. Good start.
Vic

Hey Kyle, very current vocal and song styling. nice work.