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#1046002 - 04/24/14 12:03 AM "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
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Fred Choate  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
Colleen Laylon and I wrote this. Comments welcomed smile

https://soundcloud.com/fredchoatemusic/we-had-it-all-guitarvocal-worktape-performed-by-marlin-james

We Had It All
Fred Choate, Colleen Laylon, BMI, 2014

V1
Last night, were watchin' a chick flick
I looked over, she's cryin' buckets
I pulled her in my arms, and said, "Girl I miss this,
all the overtime's, time away from you"
I turned on the music, she turned off the lights
we raced to the bedroom, our clothes went fly'in
Made love all night, like we used to do
before the mortgage, the credit cards, and I.O. U's

Chorus
We'd steam up the windows, of my T top camaro
it had no heat, so we made our own
Scraped and saved, to buy a double wide
slept on the floor, it felt like paradise
Ate mac and cheese, three nights a week
Mickey D's on payday, that was a treat
Back then the world seemed so small
we had nothin', but We Had It All

V2
Laid there, talkin' like best friends
stealin' kisses', under the blankets
Watched the stars go out, sun come up again
I called off sick and let her have her way
She cut up the credit cards, I cut up the bills
made plastic confetti, rain on our pillows
I promised her, more time for play,
She played hard to get like back in the day

Chorus
We'd steam up the windows, of my T top camaro
it had no heat, so we made our own
Scraped and saved, to buy a double wide
slept on the floor, it felt like paradise
Ate mac and cheese, three nights a week
Mickey D's on payday, that was a treat
Back then the world seemed so small
we had nothin', but We Had It All

Bridge
Her blond hair was dancin' in the wind
as we took that old chevy for an overdue spin
reminded me of when

Chorus
We'd steam up the windows, of my T top camaro
it had no heat, so we made our own
Scraped and saved, to buy a double wide
slept on the floor, it felt like paradise
Ate mac and cheese, three nights a week
Mickey D's on payday, that was a treat
Back then the world seemed so small
we had nothin', but We Had It All


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1046004 - 04/24/14 03:39 AM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: Fred Choate]  
Joined: Jun 2009
Posts: 263
ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Posts: 263
Greater Los Angeles
Hi Fred & Colleen-
I liked the intro groove and playing. The melody reminded of Jimmy Buffett's Margaritaville - a good thing. Your title and hook is good. Lyrically, there's a whole lot going on in the verses and the chorus (movies, love-making, cars, etc). I think you have an opportunity to pare down the lyric visuals/ideas in the verses and chorus to a few key ideas that will shape/focus and deliver on your hook/title. I know this is a work-tape and I'd suggest more melodic and dynamic contrast between the verses and chorus. Adding harmonies to the chorus might help. I like where the story goes in the second verse. Taking a look at your rhyming scheme in the pared down lyrics can help strengthen the overall song. Hope this helps. Thanks for sharing.

Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/24/14 03:45 AM.
#1046009 - 04/24/14 09:33 AM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: ejlawrence]  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
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Fred Choate  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
Thanks for the comments.....I will pass them along to Colleen smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1046017 - 04/24/14 12:31 PM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: Fred Choate]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
Janice_and_Bud Offline
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Janice_and_Bud  Offline
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Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
Southeastern USA
#$#%&@ Souncloud not cooperating for me this morning -- will try later.


Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
#1046239 - 04/27/14 04:16 PM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: Janice_and_Bud]  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
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Fred Choate  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
Thanks J&B.....Soundcloud can be "fun" sometimes huh? I can never get it to work on my mobile device.


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1046293 - 04/28/14 12:48 PM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: Fred Choate]  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Lisa Gundling Offline
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Lisa Gundling  Offline
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Hi Fred,
This is really sweetly done feel-good song --- great images and very relatable and nostalgic!
One little thing -- in the bridge -- what car are they taking for a spin? Is it the same T-top Camaro? It seems like maybe it should be their current car, instead of the same car? Because they're making new memories, which are reminiscent of their old ones, but not exactly the same -- not exactly the same car?
I think I'm overthinking this so ignore me!-- lol!!
Lisa


#1046330 - 04/28/14 10:50 PM Re: "We Had It All" guitar/vocal worktape demo [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
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Fred Choate  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
Thanks Lisa....our intent was to try to make it believable that that he kept that same car around all this time. You know, like the guy that is "always going to restore it to perfect condition"? LOL.....

I will let Colleen know about your comment. Maybe there is a way to make it sound more believable.


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

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