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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2006
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Here is another FAWM song. I needed a melancholy song for a project. This is finished i think! A Much Warmer Place Copyright ©2014 Colin Ward V1 Bleak, brown and cold, Flurries in the air, Trench coat round my shoulders Ice in my hair V2 Fishing season’s over, Boats are in the yard, Last few leaves are falling, Water’s getting hard Chorus And I’ll soon be home to a much warmer place, And I’ll soon be gazing on a much warmer face, And no matter what the season, no matter how cold, I will be just fine, as long as you are there to hold V3 The tourists left some time ago, The ice cream shop is boarded Colors fade to brown and white, Snow plow’s out of storage V4 And the crackling of a fire, And the smell of hot food steaming, It all seems worthwhile, When I see your face beaming Chorus Bridge Four months of winter, And then we’ll see the shoots, Meanwhile we can take some time, To get back to our roots Chorus
Last edited by Colin Ward; 05/29/14 02:39 PM.
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really cool Colin,yeah the bass will even get it darker,i'm likin' this,lots of images.Mike
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COLIN--
This one is my kind of song--I think the CH could be stronger--
I offer as an option: use or lose--
Chorus Girl, you are the fire in my life Only you can help me survive With warm heartbeats you melt the cold Your lovin’ arms won't let go Girl, you are the fire in my life.
Write on--
Mackie
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Hi Colin, First I love the music and melody, and the lyric is very good also IMO!!! And I’ll soon be home to a much warmer place, It seem to me like Soon I'll be home would flow smoother. Might just be me! Same thing with the 2nd line.I'm not crazy about water's getting hard either. So that there is my nitpicking lol. Dottie
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Thanks Mike.....
Mackie, thanks for the suggestion.....I will definitely think that over.
Dottie.....yes, I like that.
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Hi Colin.
I like this melody, very cool, a little "N.Y.- Harvest" sounding yet without his high voice.
I thought your lyric/music prosody with the chorus was best the 3rd time around as well--I know this is just a draft--just giving you some feedback.
What Dottie said may work as well. I was in agreement as to smoothing delivery a bit within the chorus:
I'll soon be home to a much warmer place I'll soon be gazing on a much warmer face No matter what the season, and no matter how cold I will be just fine; as lo-ong, as you,, are there to hold
(2nd. line option--although perhaps too similar to meaning of hold)--"Yes soon I'll be, within your embrace" (or similar wording)
Neat song, I really like the "right to the point" short phrased lyrics.
steady-eddie.
Last edited by E Swartz; 03/30/14 02:57 PM.
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Dottie,
I like that idea and will use it when I redo the vocals.
Ed,
Yes....I am listening to the variations on the chorus and will make it consistent on the redo.
Mackie,
I think I will stay pretty close to my chorus....yours seems to stray from the theme a bit too much.
Cheers,
Colin
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I have added music but not changed the vocal yet.
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Mr. C,
Here are a couple small lyric tweaks & last chorus line melody & timing tweak. (For me the last line of the chorus seems slightly awkward as is)-- A more broken lyric/music rhythm may flow and work better for these lyrics and fit your music and vibe better. I played/sang it as such, and thought it made a nice chorus summary and was worth sharing with you--Use or lose, keep or sweep, JMO.
Chorus:
F ///////////////////////// C ////////////// And soon I'll be home to a much warmer place,
/////// G /////////////////// Am //////////// And I'll soon be gazing on a much warmer face,
////// F //////////////////////// C //////////////////// And no matter what the season, no matter how bitter cold,
Am //////// G (half-rest).... F .....3/4 rest (no music) I will be just fine,..........as long,
(spoken quickly).....Am // As you are there to hold
I would also prefer with this "subtle driving beat, to hear the kick a bit louder and back off the snare so they're fairly equal. I would throw in a few "double" kicks to also liven up this rhythm.
This is real cool Colin! Simple, yet very cool!
steady-eddie.
(I'm not 100% sure about re-phrasing as I've suggested--one idea that I thought worth trying, regardless, play and experiment with what you have until it feels more natural with the prosody).
Last edited by E Swartz; 04/02/14 12:37 PM.
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Thanks Ed. I have adjusted the drums. Not sure about the rephrasing of the last line.......
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And a few more subtle adjustments complete......
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Hi Colin,
Hey -- very COOL song, with lots of warmth too! And lots of great atmosphere!
One thing...In verse one, I might say, "wind in my hair" because usually, if it's miserable enough that ice is in your hair, then the weather is really miserable and he'd be wrapped tight in that trench coat, and the last leaves would have fallen way before then!
Lisa
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Thanks Lisa....I might have to change ice to wind. It felt like ice even if it wasn't!
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No not a dirge Colin a good slow song, reminded me of Dylan for the first few bars Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Hey Colin,
I am loving this. I am thinking you are done. It does sound very C,S & N (Musically) to me and fits the melancholy sound you were looking for. I'd say you nailed it.
Dave
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I really liked it...nice production, and I really like your vocal! I know your probably done with it now, but a little feedback lyrically from me would simply be that V1, V2, and V4 really spoke to me image wise, but your V3 seemed out of place in the song for me. Again, really enjoyed the listen
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Travis and Dave, Thanks for your nice comments. Glad you enjoyed it.
Fred, yes I think it is finished. I appreciate your comment. I am not astute enough to see much difference between V3 and the others, but thanks for telling me!
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Hi Colin.
I'm chiming in again at what I think is an important point lyrically for what makes a good story lyrically. Fred, I can see what you are saying about vs. 3, which is an accurate assessment--but IMO, slightly shifting gears as Colin here has, is what helps paint this "picture/story." A story that is all description lacks "cause & effect or a reflection of those descriptions. This is why IMO when writing story, you "need" some change of direction with accommodating expressions to humanize or give the story realism whether it be real or fiction.
One of the things I like most about Colin's lyrics in most all of his songs, is his ability to paint a scenario that is interesting and the listener can either relate or perhaps feel drawn into the story--and I think his order of those thought processes are part of the reason why he achieves or paints such a good picture with his lyrics.
Just thought this a great example of how a subtle change in expression or direction can make a significant difference lyrically.
steady-eddie.
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Very True It is a great tune
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colin,
You have some wonderful imagery going on here. I wouldn't add too much to this one. Sounds just fine as is. My only question for you is how did you get Johny Cash to sing this for you? LOL!
Tom W.
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Hi Colin.
I'm chiming in again at what I think is an important point lyrically for what makes a good story lyrically. Fred, I can see what you are saying about vs. 3, which is an accurate assessment--but IMO, slightly shifting gears as Colin here has, is what helps paint this "picture/story." A story that is all description lacks "cause & effect or a reflection of those descriptions. This is why IMO when writing story, you "need" some change of direction with accommodating expressions to humanize or give the story realism whether it be real or fiction.
One of the things I like most about Colin's lyrics in most all of his songs, is his ability to paint a scenario that is interesting and the listener can either relate or perhaps feel drawn into the story--and I think his order of those thought processes are part of the reason why he achieves or paints such a good picture with his lyrics.
Just thought this a great example of how a subtle change in expression or direction can make a significant difference lyrically.
steady-eddie. I would really like to think that I could better state my observations than ripping off somebody else's comments. But in this case eddie, IMO, just nailed re his comments about imagery, etc. I do like the song a lot and it has been interesting following the evolution. Thanks for sharing it.
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Ed,
Thanks for commenting. Yes it's a delicate balance between painting a picture and moving a story forward. Glad you like my versions of it.
Fred, Tom, Janice and Bud,
Thanks for joining the discussion. Glad you like it. I have been accused of using Johnny Cash before. I don't really hear that myself, but I will continue to use him.
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I think this is finished now!
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Hi Colin, Good job, I think this is one of my favorites of yours, although all your work is solid. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Hi Colin, I missed the metamorphosis of the song and only heard the final result. Very impressive. That's what the MP3 board is all about. I've made lots of song changes myself from suggestions here.
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Hey Colin, started out sounding like a Tom Petty tune than all of a sudden I thought I was listening to Johnny Cash. Then I didn't know who it was... Oh it's Colin. Great job! Doug
Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em... Grace..Peace...Love
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Funny Doug ... I got that same Last Dance With Mary Jane Petty feel ... but than I thought it was Vic singing. Wild. Colin ... I thought this was done before, but it is even better now. I love this. Great tune. Loving the bluesy guitar fills and soloing.
Dave
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This is a very descriptive song. Plenty of images.
Mackie mentioned the chorus could be stronger and I agree. At the moment it's very similar pattern to the verse. It kicks off with a major chord, which is fine but I think the chord pattern needs changing. Maybe four bars of F on the first line to keep it up there longer instead of two f and two c.
Not too keen on the "Hot food steaming" line as it has a slight comic sound to it. Could just be the way I hear it though. Vic
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