en A Much Warmer Place - Colin - Finished - Just Plain Folks Music Organization Message Boards
leftleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftbyleftalt-1 alvt">
The Seeds Would Grow
by beechnut79. 09/08/21 12:14 PM
The Winner
by beechnut79. 09/08/21 12:14 PM
Envious Heart
by beechnut79. 09/08/21 12:10 PM
The Voyager
by Gerry. 09/08/21 07:05 AM
"Not Just A Melody.".
by JAPOV. 09/07/21 09:51 PM
This old dog
by beechnut79. 09/07/21 10:54 AM
How Fast Are You Going (When You're Standing Still
by beechnut79. 09/07/21 10:40 AM
Lazing in the Sun
by beechnut79. 09/07/21 10:35 AM
"I Need A Cadillac....Jack!"
by beechnut79. 09/07/21 10:33 AM
Pedal & Synth Expo Oct.2-3, 2021 Free, Outdoors
by Gary E. Andrews. 09/06/21 02:24 PM
Resource List (In Progress)
by Brian Austin Whitney. 09/06/21 12:40 AM
Blending Political Discourse, Conspiracy Theories,
by WilliamMahler. 09/05/21 09:49 PM
Eco-Heroes Contest, Artists, Lower Emissions
by Gary E. Andrews. 09/05/21 01:16 PM
"How Songs Get Cut" with Rand Bishop
by Gary E. Andrews. 09/04/21 08:54 PM
Rivers of Destiny
by Bill Draper. 09/04/21 07:59 PM
my recording set up
by Bill Draper. 09/04/21 06:00 PM
They Live On
by rpirone. 09/04/21 05:51 PM
leftTop Posters(All Time)left
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Rate This Thread
#1043821 - 03/29/14 05:03 PM A Much Warmer Place - Colin - Finished  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Here is another FAWM song. I needed a melancholy song for a project. This is finished i think!


















A Much Warmer Place Copyright ©2014 Colin Ward

V1
Bleak, brown and cold,
Flurries in the air,
Trench coat round my shoulders
Ice in my hair

V2
Fishing seasonís over,
Boats are in the yard,
Last few leaves are falling,
Waterís getting hard

Chorus
And Iíll soon be home to a much warmer place,
And Iíll soon be gazing on a much warmer face,
And no matter what the season, no matter how cold,
I will be just fine, as long as you are there to hold

V3
The tourists left some time ago,
The ice cream shop is boarded
Colors fade to brown and white,
Snow plowís out of storage

V4
And the crackling of a fire,
And the smell of hot food steaming,
It all seems worthwhile,
When I see your face beaming

Chorus

Bridge
Four months of winter,
And then weíll see the shoots,
Meanwhile we can take some time,
To get back to our roots
Chorus

Last edited by Colin Ward; 05/29/14 02:39 PM.

Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1043824 - 03/29/14 05:45 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Michael LeBlanc Offline
Top 10 Poster
Michael LeBlanc  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
Louisiana
really cool Colin,yeah the bass will even get it darker,i'm likin' this,lots of images.Mike

#1043827 - 03/29/14 05:57 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,991
Mackie H. Offline
Top 20 Poster
Mackie H.  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 8,991
NASHVILLE, TN
COLIN--

This one is my kind of song--I think the CH could be stronger--

I offer as an option: use or lose--

Chorus
Girl, you are the fire in my life
Only you can help me survive
With warm heartbeats you melt the cold
Your loviní arms won't let go
Girl, you are the fire in my life.


Write on--

Mackie

#1043832 - 03/29/14 06:51 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Dottie Offline
Top 100 Poster
Dottie  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Jul 2010
Posts: 3,427
Hi Colin,

First I love the music and melody, and the lyric is very good also IMO!!!

And Iíll soon be home to a much warmer place, It seem to me like Soon I'll be home would flow smoother. Might just be me! Same thing with the 2nd line.

I'm not crazy about water's getting hard either. So that there is my nitpicking lol. smile

Dottie

#1043882 - 03/30/14 11:12 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Dottie]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Thanks Mike.....

Mackie, thanks for the suggestion.....I will definitely think that over.

Dottie.....yes, I like that.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1043894 - 03/30/14 01:02 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
E Swartz Offline
E Swartz  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
Ohio
Hi Colin.

I like this melody, very cool, a little "N.Y.- Harvest" sounding yet without his high voice.

I thought your lyric/music prosody with the chorus was best the 3rd time around as well--I know this is just a draft--just giving you some feedback.

What Dottie said may work as well. I was in agreement as to smoothing delivery a bit within the chorus:

I'll soon be home to a much warmer place
I'll soon be gazing on a much warmer face
No matter what the season, and no matter how cold
I will be just fine; as lo-ong, as you,, are there to hold

(2nd. line option--although perhaps too similar to meaning of hold)--"Yes soon I'll be, within your embrace" (or similar wording)

Neat song, I really like the "right to the point" short phrased lyrics.

steady-eddie.


Last edited by E Swartz; 03/30/14 02:57 PM.
#1044015 - 03/31/14 01:18 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Now with bass.....


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044067 - 03/31/14 11:39 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Dottie,

I like that idea and will use it when I redo the vocals.

Ed,

Yes....I am listening to the variations on the chorus and will make it consistent on the redo.

Mackie,

I think I will stay pretty close to my chorus....yours seems to stray from the theme a bit too much.

Cheers,

Colin


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044069 - 03/31/14 11:50 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
I have added music but not changed the vocal yet.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044110 - 04/01/14 02:49 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
OK - almost finished!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044131 - 04/01/14 05:50 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
E Swartz Offline
E Swartz  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
Ohio
Mr. C,

Here are a couple small lyric tweaks & last chorus line melody & timing tweak. (For me the last line of the chorus seems slightly awkward as is)-- A more broken lyric/music rhythm may flow and work better for these lyrics and fit your music and vibe better. I played/sang it as such, and thought it made a nice chorus summary and was worth sharing with you--Use or lose, keep or sweep, JMO.


Chorus:

F ///////////////////////// C //////////////
And soon I'll be home to a much warmer place,

/////// G /////////////////// Am ////////////
And I'll soon be gazing on a much warmer face,

////// F //////////////////////// C ////////////////////
And no matter what the season, no matter how bitter cold,

Am //////// G (half-rest).... F .....3/4 rest (no music)
I will be just fine,..........as long,

(spoken quickly).....Am //
As you are there to hold


I would also prefer with this "subtle driving beat, to hear the kick a bit louder and back off the snare so they're fairly equal. I would throw in a few "double" kicks to also liven up this rhythm.

This is real cool Colin! Simple, yet very cool!

steady-eddie.


(I'm not 100% sure about re-phrasing as I've suggested--one idea that I thought worth trying, regardless, play and experiment with what you have until it feels more natural with the prosody).

Last edited by E Swartz; 04/02/14 12:37 PM.
#1044209 - 04/02/14 11:54 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Thanks Ed. I have adjusted the drums. Not sure about the rephrasing of the last line.......


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044596 - 04/06/14 04:56 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
And a few more subtle adjustments complete......


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1044597 - 04/06/14 05:12 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Lisa Gundling Offline
Top 20 Poster
Lisa Gundling  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Hi Colin,

Hey -- very COOL song, with lots of warmth too! And lots of great atmosphere!

One thing...In verse one, I might say, "wind in my hair" because usually, if it's miserable enough that ice is in your hair, then the weather is really miserable and he'd be wrapped tight in that trench coat, and the last leaves would have fallen way before then!

Lisa



#1044843 - 04/09/14 10:41 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Thanks Lisa....I might have to change ice to wind. It felt like ice even if it wasn't!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1045161 - 04/12/14 06:55 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,183
Travis david Online content
Top 10 Poster
Travis david  Online Content
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,183
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
No not a dirge Colin a good slow song, reminded me of Dylan for the first few bars
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1045168 - 04/12/14 09:16 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
GocartMoz Offline
Top 200 Poster
GocartMoz  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Florida
Hey Colin,

I am loving this. I am thinking you are done. It does sound very C,S & N (Musically) to me and fits the melancholy sound you were looking for. I'd say you nailed it.

Dave

#1045253 - 04/12/14 11:09 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
Top 500 Poster
Fred Choate  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
I really liked it...nice production, and I really like your vocal!

I know your probably done with it now, but a little feedback lyrically from me would simply be that V1, V2, and V4 really spoke to me image wise, but your V3 seemed out of place in the song for me.

Again, really enjoyed the listen smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1045283 - 04/13/14 10:38 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Fred Choate]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Travis and Dave, Thanks for your nice comments. Glad you enjoyed it.

Fred, yes I think it is finished. I appreciate your comment. I am not astute enough to see much difference between V3 and the others, but thanks for telling me!


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1045294 - 04/13/14 01:14 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
E Swartz Offline
E Swartz  Offline

Top 100 Poster

Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,691
Ohio
Hi Colin.

I'm chiming in again at what I think is an important point lyrically for what makes a good story lyrically. Fred, I can see what you are saying about vs. 3, which is an accurate assessment--but IMO, slightly shifting gears as Colin here has, is what helps paint this "picture/story." A story that is all description lacks "cause & effect or a reflection of those descriptions. This is why IMO when writing story, you "need" some change of direction with accommodating expressions to humanize or give the story realism whether it be real or fiction.

One of the things I like most about Colin's lyrics in most all of his songs, is his ability to paint a scenario that is interesting and the listener can either relate or perhaps feel drawn into the story--and I think his order of those thought processes are part of the reason why he achieves or paints such a good picture with his lyrics.

Just thought this a great example of how a subtle change in expression or direction can make a significant difference lyrically.

steady-eddie.

#1045296 - 04/13/14 01:56 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Fred Choate Offline
Top 500 Poster
Fred Choate  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Dec 2012
Posts: 251
Billings, Montana
Very True smile It is a great tune smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1045336 - 04/13/14 06:57 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,313
Tom W. Offline
Top 200 Poster
Tom W.  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,313
colin,

You have some wonderful imagery going on here. I wouldn't add too much to this one. Sounds just fine as is. My only question for you is how did you get Johny Cash to sing this for you? LOL!

Tom W.

#1045338 - 04/13/14 07:36 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
Janice_and_Bud Offline
Top 200 Poster
Janice_and_Bud  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,521
Southeastern USA
Originally Posted by E Swartz
Hi Colin.

I'm chiming in again at what I think is an important point lyrically for what makes a good story lyrically. Fred, I can see what you are saying about vs. 3, which is an accurate assessment--but IMO, slightly shifting gears as Colin here has, is what helps paint this "picture/story." A story that is all description lacks "cause & effect or a reflection of those descriptions. This is why IMO when writing story, you "need" some change of direction with accommodating expressions to humanize or give the story realism whether it be real or fiction.

One of the things I like most about Colin's lyrics in most all of his songs, is his ability to paint a scenario that is interesting and the listener can either relate or perhaps feel drawn into the story--and I think his order of those thought processes are part of the reason why he achieves or paints such a good picture with his lyrics.

Just thought this a great example of how a subtle change in expression or direction can make a significant difference lyrically.

steady-eddie.


I would really like to think that I could better state my observations than ripping off somebody else's comments. But in this case eddie, IMO, just nailed re his comments about imagery, etc. I do like the song a lot and it has been interesting following the evolution. Thanks for sharing it.


Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?"
on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
#1045416 - 04/15/14 12:30 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Janice_and_Bud]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Ed,

Thanks for commenting. Yes it's a delicate balance between painting a picture and moving a story forward. Glad you like my versions of it.

Fred, Tom, Janice and Bud,

Thanks for joining the discussion. Glad you like it. I have been accused of using Johnny Cash before. I don't really hear that myself, but I will continue to use him.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1048949 - 05/29/14 02:41 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
I think this is finished now!



















Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1048955 - 05/29/14 03:32 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Calvin Offline
Top 10 Poster
Calvin  Offline
Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,839
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Colin,

Good job, I think this is one of my favorites of yours, although all your work is solid.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1048978 - 05/29/14 06:23 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Colin Ward Offline
Colin Ward  Offline

Top 30 Poster

Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,909
Saint Petersburg. FL
Thanks Calvin


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1048984 - 05/29/14 06:38 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Colin Ward]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,111
ben willis Offline
Top 40 Poster
ben willis  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 6,111
Ft. Myers, FL. USA
Hi Colin, I missed the metamorphosis of the song and only heard the final result. Very impressive. That's what the MP3 board is all about. I've made lots of song changes myself from suggestions here.

#1048999 - 05/29/14 10:12 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: ben willis]  
Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 763
Doug Healey Offline
Top 500 Poster
Doug Healey  Offline
Top 500 Poster

Joined: Apr 2012
Posts: 763
Anaheim calif. Mickey Mouse
Hey Colin, started out sounding like a Tom Petty tune than all of a sudden I thought I was listening to Johnny Cash. Then I didn't know who it was... Oh it's Colin. Great job! Doug


Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love

#1049014 - 05/30/14 01:17 AM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: Doug Healey]  
Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
GocartMoz Offline
Top 200 Poster
GocartMoz  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,559
Florida
Funny Doug ... I got that same Last Dance With Mary Jane Petty feel ... but than I thought it was Vic singing. Wild. Colin ... I thought this was done before, but it is even better now. I love this. Great tune. Loving the bluesy guitar fills and soloing.

Dave

#1049065 - 05/30/14 12:02 PM Re: A Much Warmer Place draft - Colin FAWM revised [Re: GocartMoz]  
Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,780
Vicarn Offline
Top 40 Poster
Vicarn  Offline
Top 40 Poster

Joined: Nov 2010
Posts: 6,780
UK
This is a very descriptive song. Plenty of images.

Mackie mentioned the chorus could be stronger and I agree.
At the moment it's very similar pattern to the verse. It kicks off with a major chord, which is fine but I think the chord pattern needs changing. Maybe four bars of F on the first line to keep it up there longer instead of two f and two c.

Not too keen on the "Hot food steaming" line as it has a slight comic sound to it. Could just be the way I hear it though.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

/forum/forumhttps%3A%2F%2Fwww.jpfolks.com%2Fforum%2Fubbthreads.php%2Ftopics%2F1045253%2Fre-a-much-warmer-place-draft-colin-fawm.html
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.6.0