JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum He Ain't the Keeping Kind

Hi JPFers, It's been a long time since I posted a song. I don't know why but I quit writing for over a year. Since I don't have anything new I'm going to post an old song. What we really need is suggestions on how to make the chorus more different. I'm happy with the lyric but you're welcome to comment on that too if you want.

He Ain't the Keeping Kind

http://www.soundclick.com/player/single_player.cfm?q=hi&songID=10582791

http://www.reverbnation.com/dottiecorley/songs

Dottie Corley & Terry Morris
© 2011

I see you fighting back tears
Staring into space
I see the hurt he's cost you
It's written on your face
Watch his eyes seducing
Each girl in this room
If you don't know the truth yet
You’ll sure to be learning soon

Chorus
He ain't the keeping kind
He's just wines and dines
Soon you will discover
He’s run off with another
He'll vanish like an autumn ghost
Leave you when you need him most
Save your tears, don't waste your time
He ain't the keeping kind

Don't let his smile deceive you
Take a good look in his eyes
You won't find a happy ending
Girl he ain't looking for bride
Watch the way he's winking
As the waitress passes by
He's already lining up
Another dish to try

Chorus

Bridge
He’s putting on a show
He won’t see you though
You’ll be the last to know
(last to know the truth)
When he leaves you blue

Chorus

Tag
He ain't the keeping kind
He ain't the keeping kind

Hey Dottie.
Not sure if it's me or the link doesn't work so I can't listen.
From what I remember of this song I liked the chorus as it was though.
I'll try again later.
Vic

I added another link Vic.

Dottie and Terry--

I liked this song back when it was posted before.

I'm with VIC--Not much to be done except get one of the top ladies, to make it a hit!

I've missed you--

Mackie

hey Dottie,this song really fits the bar scene,a bad place to look for love.Cool production!Mike

Ok, that link worked.
Sounds good to me as is.
Vic

Hi Dottie,

It's good go see you back!!

I remember this one from before and I just listened twice -- and twice I thought it sounded really NICE! Great flow...very smooth!

Lisa

Dottie, real good sounding song. Here's a problem I find with the lyric. On the on hand you're saying the guy is fooling her, she doesn't really know who he is. But then other parts of the song say she's crying and hurt. If she doesn't know who he really is already, why all the emotions from her? JMO. anyway, good luck with it.

Bill

Dottie,

terrific sounding recording. love the vocal!

The rhythm of the words in the verse and the chorus are very similar. Seems like the opening and closing of the chorus could be stretched out to give you a difference between the two. To allow you to really sing that hook - "He ain't the k-e-e-e-e-e-e-pin kind....." Just a thought...

floyd

Hi Dottie,

Since you're asking for advice on the chorus, one thing you can do is cut it in half. Structurally, it's just like the verses. You can actually sing the chorus to the verse music, same rhythm, same number of lines. It would mean deciding which lines are the strongest, then re-doing the music to match. I know, major re-write. But, if you're asking the question, you must already feel like it needs something to take it to the next level?

Another thing, the second verse is very similar to the first in content and isn't really advancing the story any but I think it's a better starter and really well written. You could make it the first verse and then write a new 2nd verse, maybe something about the qualities in the man she does want, in the hopes that that guy would be the keeping kind? Just a thought but to keep interest going, you need to introduce some new information.

The bridge also lacks anything new and could use the benefit of more thought.

The overall production and vocal are well done and sound really good but I think the lyrics still need more work. Hopefully, after your long absence, you now have a ton of material just aching to be written down.

Ricki

Dottie, I read this yesterday, and planned to come back to comment. Ricki has got there ahead of me, though, with similar suggestions regarding the chorus and the bridge. For instance, chorus lines 5 & 6 sound out of context. I think they could be dropped.

I agree as well about making V2 your first verse. It's stronger and leads in better to the chorus.

Good to see you back on deck.

Donna

Hi Dottie,

Good to see ya back in here.
I enjoyed your song.
And while Ricki had an interesting suggestion about the chorus....I thought it flowed so well, I'm not sure you should mess with it.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

DON'T MESS WITH IT. If any big name wants to change it to suit their style that's fine but until then ...... it's a good 'un.

Vic

Hi Mackie,

Thanks for the thumbs up!

Dottie

Hi Michael,

Actually it's supposed to be in a restaurant or sports bar. And I didn't mean he had just met her, but she can't help but notice his eye straying. lol anyway that's what it's supposed to be.

Dottie

Thanks Vic.

Dottie

Hi Lisa,

I'm glad you like.

Dottie

Hi Bill,

I'm probably just dense but I don't see where the conflict is. Maybe you can point it out? That would be awesome.

Dottie

Hi Jane,

Thanks for your suggestion.

Dottie

Hi Ricki,

Thanks for your suggestions. I like the idea of cutting the chorus in half.

The idea behind the writing was; there's a bartender/waitress watching this couple and the song is what she sees. I feel like the 1st verse is a better beginning. It's the 1st thing she sees etc. To me it seems like it is advancing,could be me lol.

I agree with you 100% on the bridge.

Dottie

Hi Donna,

Thanks for coming back. I tried to explain why I wrote it this way to Ricki. Again, I may be wrong. I had the good to go from the coaches at songu so I didn't give it anymore thought till now.

Dottie

Thanks Calvin

Haha that's right Vic!

Hey Dottie, sounds good to me.
I like Floyd's suggestion for the chorus.

Good luck with it

Wow Dottie,
that's great. To be honest I think you could play with Floyd and Ricki's suggestions and in the end it may or may not matter as Vic suggests some artist may add that little something that sends it over the top. It's setting right on top as is.

John

Hey Dottie. First of all, I didn't read any of the previous critiques so please excuse me if I suggest something that's already been put out there.

First things first, your verses are awesome and I agree with you that I wouldn't change them. They tell the story very well and set the stage for the chorus perfectly. I agree with you also that the chorus doesn't give the verses the payoff they deserve and I would tinker a bit there. I listened to the song a couple of times and I would suggest shortening it a hair by eliminating the 7th line. I would also suggest doing something different with the first four lines because I think they could be stronger. Here's what I suggest, and that's all it is; a suggestion.

He ain't the keeping kind
So don't be fooled by his smooth-talking lines,
He ain't the keeping kind,
Always stealing your lovin' and wasting your time
He'll vanish when you need him the most
Leave you feelin' like you're loving a ghost
He ain't the keeping kind.

As for the bridge, I would probably eliminate it because I don't really feel that it says anything new or that it is so strong that the song can't stand without it. I think it can.

It's definitely a song worth salvaging and I would strongly encourage you to keep working on it. Sometimes the best thing to do is to leave a song on the shelf for a couple of years like you've done with this one and then approach it with a fresh perspective. The melody and vocal are terrific and though the story is an old one you give it some fresh paint here with your words and it deserves to be heard. I'll be curious to see what you come up with. Great song and good luck with it.

Nice song Dottie and excellent vocal too.I hope someone picks this one up it deserves a to be a hit
Travis

It's a fine tune as is.....but, and it's already been well stated by Ricki and floyd, I like the notion of changing up the chorus.