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#1040559 - 02/24/14 08:56 PM Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate *UPDATED*  
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Fred Choate Offline
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Fred Choate  Offline
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Billings, Montana
UPDATED MP3 and LYRICS (original still below in this thread):

-added 2nd chorus, shortened bridge, and closure in the lyric

https://soundcloud.com/fredchoatemusic/stay-here-for-awhile-rewrite

STAY HERE FOR A WHILE
©Fred Choate 2014 BMI

VERSE 1:
Your sea green eyes still stop me
Just like they did when you and I were kids
I could never look at you and not smile
I guess it doesn’t shock me
That your auburn hair takes me back again
To a windy day out on Ruby Beach
We said “I Do” … and took the leap
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile….

CHORUS:
This hallway where I’m standing holds many memories
A photo of you and me on the hood of that old jeep
There are many things that make me smile as I look back thru our life
But that picture of you at the county fair
Always makes me stop and stare
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile….

VERSE 2:
It only took a second
For that look to fade when the camera turned away
But there’s a lifetime of love caught in that frame
That worn out denim jacket
The ball cap you could never keep on straight
It was quite a night, there were lots of them
So in love and wild back then
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile

CHORUS:
This hallway where I’m standing holds many memories
A photo of you and me kissing on New Years Eve
There are many things that make me smile as I look back thru our life
That picture of you standing next to me
Holding hands by mama’s maple tree
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile….

BRIDGE:
There’s emptiness throughout the house
But this one place I always smile…

OUTRO:
You took this one the day you passed
I’m sure you knew it would be your last
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile

TAG:
Those sea green eyes still stop me
Just like they did when you and I were kids









Here is an "acoustic" worktape of "Stay Here A While". I am not really planning on doing a demo of this tune, it is just a song I wrote last week inspired by Mom's telling me of a story about her late husband.......I sort of wrote it for her. But I thought it was decent enough of a tune to do a worktape and share....hope you enjoy.

( I also may add the second chorus between verse 2 and bridge....I was worried about length, but since I am not worrying about a demo or commercial use, I will probably put it back in.)

https://soundcloud.com/fredchoatemusic/stay-here-for-awhile-written

STAY HERE FOR A WHILE
Fred Choate 2014

VERSE 1:

Those sea green eyes still stop me
Just like they did when you and I were kids
I could never look at you and not smile
I guess it doesn’t shock me
That your auburn hair takes me back again
To a windy day out on Ruby Beach
We said “I Do” and we took the leap
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile….

CHORUS:
This hallway where I’m standing holds many memories
There’s the photo of you and me on the hood of that old jeep
There are many things that make me smile as I look back thru our life
But that picture of you at the county fair
Always makes me stop and stare
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile….

VERSE 2:
It only took a second
For that look to fade when the camera turned away
But there’s a lifetime of love caught in that frame
That worn out denim jacket
The ball cap you could never keep on straight
It was quite a night, there were lots of them
So in love and wild back then
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile

BRIDGE:
Our life together is timeless
Standing still behind these panes
I find myself with you again
As I walk by these wood frames…
There’s emptiness throughout the house
But this one place I always smile
Every night I walk down this hall
These pictures of you, I love them all
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile

TAG:
I think I’d like to stay here for awhile


Last edited by Fred Choate; 03/05/14 05:04 PM.

Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1040561 - 02/24/14 09:44 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Tom W. Offline
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Fred,

Listening as I comment... Really nice story telling. Some genuine emotion expressed here. Enjoyed it!

Tom W.

#1040567 - 02/24/14 10:46 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Tom W.]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Fred,

This is a really sweet song. I know what you're thinking about needing to have at least two choruses. I have an idea, but first I want to say your verse melody is strong enough that I don't you have to think that you need a real "hook-type chorus." Your bridge is also very climactic which gives you a great break from the verse whereas many songs need a break from the chorus--you don't. What I would experiment with and might do, maybe eliminate the repeat "title line" at the end of the chorus the first time through--let it be a bit of a "hanging line" if you know what I mean.

Another idea should you want to add a 2nd chorus, would be after the bridge at the ending, repeat ONLY the 1st chorus line and pause and hold on that note--then go to line four and finish out chorus. This will shorten the chorus a bit, and allow you to then tag without getting too much time. It may be an option for both choruses--you would have to experiment obviously. A couple of alternative sugs, and certainly not nits.

Very pleasant song!

steady-eddie.

#1040574 - 02/24/14 11:20 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: E Swartz]  
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Thanks Tom smile

Eddie, great suggestions there, and I was thinking along that same line as well. My initial idea was to use a chorus after verse 2, but change the photos that he is looking at......I didn't want the singer to reference the same picture at any time thru the song.....so your idea of using a "half" chorus after the bridge fits in with another arrangement that I was considering, and I think I will try.

Thanks for the comments smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1040575 - 02/24/14 11:30 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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This is really an easy going sweet song.Is this you singing?Nice vocals!Kind of a 70's sound that i just can't place,maybe "Stay Awhile"by The Bells,if that's the name of the song,except the girl and guy actualy whisper throughout the song.Sorry to ramble but i dig your song Fred.Mike

Last edited by Michael LeBlanc; 02/24/14 11:52 PM.
#1040671 - 02/25/14 06:46 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Thanks Mike. Yes, that is me singing....I can sing a bit, but I am not a vocalist, but I appreciate the comment. I checked out the tune you were referencing....very hard to hear the lyric in it with all the whispering....LOL.



Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1040679 - 02/25/14 08:19 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Fred, it's a decent enough tune for sure. I was hearing Roger Miller singing it. Maybe strings added later.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

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#1040690 - 02/25/14 09:36 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Vicarn]  
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-Just exactly the kind of voice I expected to go with that hat. smile

The strong point of your vocals is definitely the deep end. When you slip into your speaking voice, it's quite impressive. And soothing.

Some of your highs may need pitch tuning.

It has a nostalgic sort of sound like it's lost here in the future, and I think that's what you're going for. It's very pretty.

JJ.

#1040691 - 02/25/14 09:39 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: joejohnstun]  
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Nice write Fred. Love the lyrics and the simplicity of the melody. It draws you in from the start. Congrats.

Dave

#1040739 - 02/26/14 11:13 AM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Thanks Vic smile

Joe, thanks for the listen and comment. My wife always tells me that she really enjoys just listening to me sit and play simple guitar and sing in my natural key....I also enjoy that:)

Thanks for the listen Dave smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1040755 - 02/26/14 01:06 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Hi Fred,

Oh, this sounds so good! After reading it on forum 3, I was hoping you'd give it this nice, classic feel! You do have a classic, soothing quality to your voice that makes for easy listening!
Lisa


#1040876 - 02/27/14 01:03 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
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Thanks Lisa smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1041248 - 03/03/14 10:00 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: GocartMoz]  
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Originally Posted by GocartMoz
Nice write Fred. Love the lyrics and the simplicity of the melody. It draws you in from the start. Congrats.

Dave


I absolutely agree.

Also your vocals and guitar play has such warmth to them.

A beautiful write

#1041300 - 03/04/14 04:27 AM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Man, I got tears in my eyes listening to that one. Steady Eddie made some really good suggestions that I agree with. The song is good now. Another chorus would be OK, especially if you modulate up in key but not really sure if it will really add anything else.

Great story but vague. Where did she go? I think the song needs closure.

#1041305 - 03/04/14 08:19 AM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Iggy]  
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VERY CLEAN and VERY IMPRESSIVE

Thank you for entertaining me.

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1041322 - 03/04/14 12:03 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Calvin]  
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Thanks Nelson, Iggy, and Calvin. I am in the process of doing a "Polish it up Rewrite". I have gotten good response from this tune, so may move it up on my list of possible songs to demo. I just have to get the format and length just right.

Iggy, I purposely left it a bit "vague". I wanted the listener to awesome that she had died, but didn't want to specifically come out and say it....maybe I left it a little too vague. I will try to clear it up maybe a bit with the rewrite.

Thanks again for the listens and comments smile



Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1041403 - 03/04/14 11:56 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Really pretty, Fred. Nice writing

Bill


#1041448 - 03/05/14 11:40 AM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Bill Osofsky]  
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Thanks Bill. I have decided to add the second chorus and cut the bridge in half. Seems to work pretty well. I appreciate the comments and listens. It all helps smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1041450 - 03/05/14 11:47 AM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Originally Posted by Fred Choate
... Yes, that is me singing....I can sing a bit, but I am not a vocalist, ...


Dang, you sing way better than most of here, I think it sounds super nice.

It only took a second
For that look to fade when the camera turned away


That's a powerful image, super writing I think. This is fine as a demo to me. Unless you are writing with an artist and/or getting cuts, spending money on demos seems wasteful to me. But we have to do what we have to do. Super good song, I think.


"Good science comes in peer reviewed journals. Conspiracy theories come in YouTube videos. "
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#1041470 - 03/05/14 03:29 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Kevin Emmrich]  
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Howdy Fred

I really like this tune, melody and story fit together perfectly. Your vocals are top shelf for the tune as well.

I had the same reaction as Iggy, very powerful imagery

Cheers
Paul


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#1041471 - 03/05/14 05:06 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Paul H. Gaines]  
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Thanks Paul and Ken.

I have updated the MP3 and Lyric in the original post above. I addressed a few of the issues within the thread. I hope you all enjoy....it is still sad, but still makes you smile as well.

Thanks for all the comments and listens. smile


Fred Choate
Billings, Montana

http://www.reverbnation.com/fredchoatemusic

#1041498 - 03/05/14 07:36 PM Re: Stay Here A While worktape by Fred Choate [Re: Fred Choate]  
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Hey Fred,

Very nice indeed. I like this better as well. Super vocals!

steady-eddie.

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