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HOOKED, the Musical

Calvin and I have been posting songs on the MP3 forum from the play/musical we've been writing, and we're delighted that we've finished the script! Well, at least the first draft of it, as we're open to all feedback!

We were having so much fun with it...we decided to continue the fun by creating its own little website!

You'll notice that there are some songs in the script that don't have music yet. We'll post the music as it's completed.

Thanks!
Lisa

Hey Lisa,

I think this is a wonderful venture for you and Calvin. Two unusual writers working together – doesn’t get better than that. Wish you two strange ones a lot of success with this. From what I read, seems it will be a heartwarming journey.

Best, John

Lisa, You two have made a lots of progress on this play. Now comes the hard part as you pare and edit this thing into some kind of comprehensible story. I'm from the school of less is more. Less characters. Less plots. More focus on the major plot line, which I think you have to find. Calvin with a fish hook in his butt on a park bench looking for happiness is probably a little weak. I assume this is a musical comedy, so the plot doesn't have to be deep. Unless maybe it's just going to be a showcase for the songs. Then the plot can be just figuring a way to get that hook out of Calvin's butt. Anyway, just some random thoughts. I enjoyed reading all the stuff on the "Hooked" homepage. Keep at it.

Calvin and Lisa--

You two have a great start--I could never do anything like THIS--I love the TITLE--

Good luck finishing her up--

Write on--

Mackie

Hi John,

Thanks so much for your nice comments! At one point, on one of the forums, I remember you wrote that one secret to your success is to always keep your proverbial hooks in the proverbial waters. I think we might have misinterpreted your comments a little and maybe the hook's in the wrong place, but...well...:)

Lisa

Hi Dan,

Thanks so much for your thoughtful feeback! I read once that you shouldn't start writing a play unless it's something that could hold your interest for five years. This falls under that category for me, so, I'll review it again and again, with your feedback in mind!

The very premise of the story demands zaniness and a certain amount of suspension of disbelief, of course. The main plot does revolve around getting the hook out of his butt, but the underlying theme is freeing him mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. We tried to weave that theme throughout.

Anyway, I'm off to read it again and think about your advice.

Thanks for your help!
Lisa

Seems like you two have done a lot of work on this.
It's a lot to take in so have no real suggs yet except one.
Why no subpostmaster? :-(

Vic

Hi John,

We sure thank you for taking the time to check out the play, we're having a good time with it & hope to learn from the experience.
And I couldn't agree with you more about Lisa being unusual/strange.

Calvin

Hooked - http://hookedthemusical.weebly.com/
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Mackie,

Thanks so much for your visit and encouragement! I guess every songwriter will love the title, but only Calvin can tolerate it -- OUCH -- LOL!

Lisa

Not sure if they were my proverbial words Lisa, but if you want to catch a proverbial fish you’d have to cast a proverbial hook in the proverbial waters – proverbial speaking.

John

Hi Vic,

Thanks so much for checking this out!

We simply cannot write a subpostmaster character in because Dan feels that paring, and not expansion, is needed. A subpostmaster character would add several pages, as I envision that character would be a bit of a charlatan and an opportunist to boot! Calvin may well have other ideas, but I just don't see it happening ---LOL!

Lisa

Hi John,

I'm laughing! Okay, okay, those were not your exact proverbial words! I was doing some major proverbial paraphrasing!

I was being far too lazy, but I have made up for this by hunting your quote down like a dog! Here it is:

"...Yes, gotta keep the fishing line loaded with bait and in the water. Never know when the fish will be biting. Wish I knew the days they stock the stream. LOL"

I think it's an excellent piece of proverbial advice!

Thanks again for your fun visits and proverbial encouragement!

Lisa

Hey Lisa and Calvin,

Looking good guys. The synopsis is interesting, and just "out there" enough to be both origional and ..... um, out there.

Best of luck !

cheers, niteshift

Thanks for the read and listen folks.I know you must have put in a lot of work to get it to this stage.Sitting on a great big hook too was a fine song with some memorable lines lol.Best of luck with it
Travis

Hi niteshift,

Thank you for checking in here and sharing your nice thoughts about originality and out-there-edness! I tried being in there, but Calvin insisted on being out there -- LOL!

Lisa

Hey Travis,
Thanks for the two hooks up and well wishes! Calvin's surprise (to me) spoken part in "Hooked" was the fun inspiration for this play!
Lisa

First off kudos for this. Despite my limited time I just had to see what you two have done, and IMO it is a great first kick at the can.

I urge you both to keep working on this to refine it...

You do have a great metaphor in the "hooked" as a physical and mental situation, and you have a good basic plot where Calvin saves the day. So far, your strongest IMO character is the Surfer Dude, and you have some really good devices (that whole Irving Berlin riff, Calvin being offered all kinds of positions,,, as examples).

You also have some glaring weaknesses ( in how the identity of the developer as Calvin's father is revealed....the simplicity of the songs....as a follow up on point one.. how close relationships are renewed but because of the proximity of all characters to the Boardwalk, how could they have ever "lost touch" or not recognized one another before??

Still, this has awesome potential and I urge you both to keep collaborating on this. It definitely formed images in my mind...which is a good thing.

Back to work

WOW, John!!
THANKS A TON! I was going to come back and thank you once we had some ideas worked out, related to the excellent points you made, and I have a lot more to say...but I wanted to pop in and give you a quick thanks! I'll be back later with more!
Lisa

Hi Again, John V!

Okay, we've added some changes that, we hope, help to solve the town proximity problem. Originally, I thought that it would fall under the category of suspension of disbelief, but if we didn't include enough to make someone, like you, want to suspend their disbelief, then it has to be addressed! So thank you for pointing that out!

So...we've added dialogue which brings in the fact that when Calvin left home, he thought he'd travel hundreds of miles, but he only got an hour away -- to Perrytown. When he meets up with Susan, she says that she drove up from Perrytown, looking for him. We also learn that he left Perrytown only a few weeks ago, after getting in a fight with Susan. Susan thought he was coming home to make up with his father. Some of this is revealed in his conversations with the groundskeeper too.

We've also added a scene where, when Perry first sees Susan, he stops to talk to her. We learn in that scene that he and Susan live in the same town of Perrytown, but while she thinks she's seen him in the newspaper, she doesn't yet know who he is.

We've also cleaned up some dialogue in the first introduction of Calvin, so that the hook being stuck in him is not revealed until the song itself.

As for the revelation of Perry...we're still chewing that one over. Did you think that the revelation came too quickly, or not quickly enough?!!

Thanks so much again for taking the time to read this and give your thoughtful feedback!

Lisa

Hello yet again, John V.!

Calvin and I were thinking about what you said about how we revealed Calvin's father. We just made some changes. In the part where Susan is talking on her cell phone, we don't reveal the father's name. In the "Wealthy Calvin" scene, Calvin and Wendy talk to their father from offstage...so the audience doesn't actually see him. Thus, the audience doesn't see who Calvin's father is until Calvin finally sees him!

We think/hope this is an improvement! Thanks again for pointing us in that direction!

Lisa

FYI in case anyone's reading the play...we just made some changes. In the "wealthy Calvin" scene...the girl singers with the sweater dresses actually remove Calvin's sweater and take it away.

Also, near the end, in the scene with Perry...the sweater girls return and we've added a bit of a comic scene there.

I finally read all of this and thought it was really fun. I like how there are places where the characters are alone on stage interacting with the audience. I know nothing about writing for stage, etc but it seems like a great start to me.

One plot point I wondered about was the part where Calvin's dad decides to turn over the "rights" to the casino project to Perry for development in Perrytown. Since Perrytown is 100 miles away, I wondered if that could actually happen. 100 miles away would likely be another county and I assume that "rights" "permits" or whatever a developer would need for use of the property have to be acquired again, in that location. It's a small thing but thought I would mention it. Maybe Perrytown could be closer or maybe the developers could decide on a plan to renovate the boardwalk with the existing shops/businesses?

Just some thoughts.

You two have done a great job with this. I hope you could actually get it produced. You might consider licensing it to a local high school. With your tunes it could really make for a cute production.

Hi Wendy,

I've got a huge smile on my face -- THANKS so much for reading this and for commenting! I'm so glad you enjoyed it!

You picked up on a weak point, regarding the permit issue. Deciding where to put a casino is a contentious issue in most states and you're right -- it's not just up to the developer to give it to another developer, in another town.

I started looking up the regulations in my state, thinking we could base it on that...but it's all very confusing and convoluted! I think that each state, district and region is so different!

So, Calvin and I were working on a solution and here's what we thought we'd have Wallace say:

WALLACE
(taking a deep breath)
So, I am officially relinquishing my rights to Casino Row in this town. And, if state officials give their approval, then Perry will build Casino Row in Perrytown! Perry and I were the two biggest competitors for this project, so we don't foresee any problems.

I hope this works?

Also, that's a very interesting suggestion you have about revitalizing the boardwalk with the existing shops. Based upon your idea, we've decided to go ahead with the original plan of giving Casino Row to Perry.

But, we're going to work in a plot point, whereby Calvin's father offers to revitalize the boardwalk with, as you say, the existing shops. When the mayor talks to Calvin about running for office, this point could be brought up.

We think that this will also further solidify the relationship between Calvin and his father!

Regarding where this is going...I like your high school idea! We've actually contacted a community college about getting some students to do a reading of this. A read-through is, apparently, a good way to iron out kinks in the script too. We've also found a few theaters that accept submissions and might be a good fit.

Thanks so much for your help...we'll be incorporating the new ideas you inspired soon!

Lisa

P.S. I forgot to mention that I love that you're involved in the play through "Perry Como Sweater!" I think that you and Calvin did such a COOL job on that song! And, because of it...the sister HAD to be named Wendy, of course! -- laughing!

Lisa,

I think just adding that bit about "state officials giving their approval" probably covers it enough for the audience. They will have watched Calvin stuck on the dock with a hook in his butt for a long time by then.

I think having the kids at the college read it is a great idea too. My daughter was involved in drama last year and I went to quite a few plays. Based on my limited observation of those, I believe it really could work.

I was thinking today that it has a bit of a John Waters kind of vibe. I could imagine him running with something like this early on in his career. The original Hairspray movie is one of my all-time favorites. I did not like the "Hollywood" version done later on, but I still love his version with Ricki Lake and Divine. I see Hooked as being something very similar.

Hope the reading goes well. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to it! Don't make me wear no Perry Como Sweater because I took so long..

Hi Wendy,

WE thank you for taking the time to read what we're doing and give us your thoughts on it.
Lisa has put a lot of work into this while I've just been sittin' on the bench.

Perry Como Sweater--------------------ha

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Wendy,

I almost fell out of my chair laughing over your reasoning for shortening Wallace's speech! I think you're right -- we should shorten it. (Even though Calvin insists on lots of extra words, directing from his bench, I think he'll agree!)

I had forgotten about "Hairspray." I saw it years ago and yes, I see the connection in style! I'll have to rent that and watch again. I never saw the 2007 version, but I'll go ahead and skip that.

Oh, and you brought us good luck! No sooner had I mentioned that community college to you...when we heard back from them! If all goes well, they are going to set up a reading of HOOKED in the fall!

Hey -- If the play ever gets performed anywhere, we'll have a Perry Como sweater dress tailored just for you -- laughing!

Thanks again, Wendy!

Lisa