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#1036549 01/19/14 08:31 AM
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Hi, this is a co-write with Taggy Lee (Sam) and his friend who've I've now forgotten his name, so hopefully he is still around on the boards.(No just found out Taggy (Sam) has passed over too.) frown Golly gosh.

I haven't been songwriting for a very long time, I'm so sad that my co-writing friend Stan Good isn't here, I was just going through messages that he'd written to me, that tears are welling up in my eye's,gosh I miss Stan so much. cry

I've gone over this song, and it is driving me nuts, so we'd really appreciate any suggestions. The second verse I feel still is not quite right yet, but I will see what others think. crazy

Thanks Michele

This song is real fast and upbeat tempo that if you heard me singing the Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah..Hah..etc you would love it, so damn catchy the melody that's going around in my head, lol. A real twist in this song, cheeky as.....

MS PERFECT (Crtic version) wink laugh

VERSE
You must have been laughing
While you twittered your thumbs
Text message breakups are as low as they come
You could have been something
But youíd rather be..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah..

VERSE
If I'm not perfection I'm as close as youíd get
You think youíve seen the worst
Iím here to tell you labelling me with words
You might one day be wishing
Youíd never pressed sent..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah

Cuz....... or So......
CHORUS (numbered 1 to 8 cause I followed Ande's songwriting tips) :)Thanks Ande, I hope I got it right, Eek. laugh
1) If being Ms Perfect (who is) one of respect
2) And can determine between what good is and bad
3) If being Ms Perfect is one of sound moralís and common sensed
4) I assure you Iím not the loser livení in self pity and disrespect
5) This girlsí now a winner kicking back on the fence
6) With my eyes wide open Mr Righteous who does nothing wrong
7) When it all comes back to bite Yah..Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah.....
8) Strike a note Ms Perfect ainít wallowing in your words of cheating lies
8) Strike a note Ms Perfect ainít wallowing away in your deceiving words

BRIDGE
You taught me a valuable lesson Iíve taken to heart
You could have called me many things Ms Blind or Ms Used (Ms Attitude)?
But Ms Perfect, honestly youíre not worth wasting my breath
Bitter and sweet is not living in revenge or with regrets
BUT make no mistake I believe in karma wins in the end
Maybe delete this last line????
Cuz..............or So.....
CHORUS
1) Iíll therefore be Ms Perfect (who is) one of respect
2) And can determine between what good is and bad
3) If being Ms Perfect is one of sound moralís and common sensed
4) I assure you Iím not the loser livení in self pity and disrespect
5) This girlsí now a winner kicking back on the fence
6) With my eyes wide open Mr Righteous who does nothing wrong
7) When it all comes back to bite Yah..Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah.....
8) Strike a note Ms Perfect ainít wallowing in your words of cheating lies

TAG
Oops....Mr Righteous pay backs a bitch
Bye Mr Righteous with loose morals and disrespect
I like being Ms Perfect????
Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah
Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah

TAG ?????
Mr Righteous Yep pay backs a Oops ...Bitch
Bye Mr Righteous now Ms Perfects a hit laugh
I like being Ms Perfect
Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah
Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah



Copyrights Michele Howlett/Sam Simpson/Mike?



MS PERFECT (Singers version) smile

VERSE
YOU must....HAVE been LAUGHING.....
While YOU TWITTERED....your THUMBS
TEXT MESSAGE BREAKUPS....are as LOW....as they COME
YOU COULD have been SOMETHING....but YOUíD RATHER BE..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah..

VERSE
If I'm not PERFECT...I'm as CLOSE as Youíd GET
YOU THINK youíve SEEN.... the WORST
Iím here to TELL YOU......LABELING ME.... with WORDS....
YOU MIGHT ONE DAY... WERE WISHING... youíd never PRESSED SENT..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah
Cuz.......

CHORUS
1) If being Ms PERFECT....who is ONE of RESPECT
2) And CAN DETERMINE....Between what GOOD is....and BAD
3) If being Ms PERFECT....is ONE of SOUND MORALís....and COMMON SENSE

WHATíD YOU SAY.......?

4) I Assure you....Iím NOT the LOSER....livení in SELF PITTY....and DISTRISPECT
5) This GIRLSí....now A WINNER....KICKING BACK on the FENCE
6) With MY EYEíS....WIDE OPEN...Oops...Mr...RIGHT-EOUS who does....NOTHING WRONG....
7) When it all COMES BACK to BITE Yah..Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah.....

YEAH RIGHT.....

8) STRIKE a NOTE.....Ms PERFECT Ainít WALLOWING....in YOUR WORDS of CHEATENí LIEís.......

BRIDGE
YOU taught ME a VALUABLE LESSON ......Iíve taken to heart
YOU COULD have CALLED me....MANY THINGS Ms Blind....or Ms Used (Ms Attitude)
But honestly....YOUíRE NOT WORTH wasting my BREATH....
BITTER and SWEET....is Not LIVING in REVENGE....or with REGRETS
BUT MAKE NO MISTAKE......I BELIEVE in KARMA.... always WINS IN THE END
Cuz..............

CHORUS
1) Iíll therefore be Ms PERFECT....ONE of RESPECT
2) And CAN DETERMINE....Between what GOOD is....and BAD
3) If being Ms PERFECT....is ONE of SOUND MORALís....and COMMON SENSE

WHATíD YOU SAY.......?

4) I Assure you....Iím NOT the LOSER....livení in SELF PITTY....and DISTRISPECT
5) This GIRLSí....now A WINNER....KICKING BACK on the FENCE
6) With MY EYEíS....WIDE OPEN...Oops...Mr...RIGHT-EOUS who does....NOTHING WRONG
7) When it all COMES BACK to BITE Yah..Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah.....

YEAH RIGHT.....

8) STRIKE a NOTE.....Ms PERFECT Ainít WALLOWING in....YOUR WORDS of CHEATENí LIEís.......

TAG
Oops....Mr RIGHT-EOUS....Pay Backs a YEP....Bye....Mr RIGHT-EOUS....WITH LOOSE MORALíS......and NO RESPECT....Ms PERFECT Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah
Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah.. Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah


COPYRIGHTS Michele Howlett/Sam Simpson (Taggy Lee) and sorry Sam I can not remember your friends name Mike????

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/21/14 11:27 PM.
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Nice to see you back, Michele. smile

Sam died a few months ago, by the way.

Regarding the lyric: it would be helpful if you'd restructure the format by dropping the capital letters, and leaving out all the ... beween words/phrases. This would make the text much easier to read and to critique. Having a lyric in a standard format is really, really useful. wink Example:

V1
You must have been laughing
While you twittered your thumbs
Text message breakups are as low as they come
You could have been something
But you'd rather be..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah..

Donna


Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

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Michelle, Welcome back to the boards. Sorry you have to learn of the passing of your co-writer and friend Sam this way. Many kind words were spoken on his behalf here on the boards after he died.

As for that second verse you've been struggling with, how about something like this:

If I'm not perfect I'm as close as you'll get
You think you've seen the worst?
You ain't seen nothing yet
Someday you'll regret every message that you sent....Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah


Write from your heart, not what you think others want to hear.

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Hi Donna, thanks it's nice to be back. grin

Gosh, I have lost two co-writers, I didn't know that Sam had passed over. Thanks for telling me Donna, I appreciate it very much.

As to the format of the lyrics, crazy I am sorry, but those CAPS and .... are Stan. smile I asked him one day as to the CAPS, and he said that those are the words the singer really pushes out on, the flow of the song so to speak. The ..... is also the flow, short hesitation. Yep that's me singing the song, the beat, and melody those CAP letters, and..... but I will change them for critic tonight when I get some time. I understand what your saying, so next time I will do a singers one, and a critic one hey.

Believe me, it's a good way to write a song those CAPS, and .... because it helps with the flow of the lyrics, Stan was a talented writer, smile and will be missed by all. frown

hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/19/14 08:09 PM.
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Hi Dan, it is so nice to be back, grin I've missed you all here.

Thanks for your suggestions, I appreciate them very much. The second verse you wrote is exactly how I can hear it, but I was trying to be clever, lol, probably to clever. crazy But as a writer I notice things, and I really tried hard to get out of the (ETS) as I have it in the Chorus (Disrespect) (Regrets)Ms (Perfect)so yes how your saying it and I'm saying it, just not sure hey, as I have (Get) and (Sent)Eek, it's driving me nuts lol. laugh I will keep your suggestions to the second verse, again thanks.

As to the CAPS, that is Stan, he taught me how to write a song like that, those CAPS and .... are the flow, melody, highlighted words the singer pushes out, it actually helped me a lot as I wrote this song. smile

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/19/14 08:04 PM.
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Hi Donna, all done, oh golly gosh, lol. I hope that is better now. Thanks so much for taking a look, and I always appreciate your input and others here. Eek, I need all the help I can get. laugh I've missed you all Donna, it is so nice to be back on the boards again, and writing again. smile

It is sad that Stan and now Sam is no longer with us. frown

Edit: Donna a question?? This song came about because my ex yelled abuse over the phone to me calling me Ms Perfect, and told me I was Wrong etc, but we changed the story line. As to the Chorus, I don't think Cheating is a good word to use really, because he is actually name calling her, labelling her with horrible names, and the word Cheating is so common too, do you have any thoughts on the ending of that line in the chorus???

Big hugs

Michele

Originally Posted by DonnaMarilyn
Nice to see you back, Michele. smile

Sam died a few months ago, by the way.

Regarding the lyric: it would be helpful if you'd restructure the format by dropping the capital letters, and leaving out all the ... beween words/phrases. This would make the text much easier to read and to critique. Having a lyric in a standard format is really, really useful. wink Example:

V1
You must have been laughing
While you twittered your thumbs
Text message breakups are as low as they come
You could have been something
But you'd rather be..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah..

Donna

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/20/14 10:37 AM.
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This certainly looks interesting, Michele.
It'll be nice to hear the finished song.
Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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Enjoyed your song. Taggy and Stan were good people.

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Hi Vic

Thanks for looking, I think I've still got some tweaking to do, but I can liturally hear this song, and I've emailed it to my producer, it's gonna be a hoot, and catchy as. whistle

I can't wait to hear this one recorded. That is the best part of the song, to hear it hey. Very exciting, and fun. smile

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by Vicarn
This certainly looks interesting, Michele.
It'll be nice to hear the finished song.
Vic

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Hi Jim

Thank you, so happy you enjoyed our song. Yes Taggy and Stan were good people, believe me I'm going to miss them. frown The original that is Stan criticing our song, those CAPS, and ...., and it actually helped me with writing the song, the melody, very clever man Stan was, I learnt a lot from him. smile

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by Jim Colyer
Enjoyed your song. Taggy and Stan were good people.

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If I'm not perfect I'm as close as you'll get
You think you've seen the worst?
You ain't seen nothing yet
AND Someday you'll regret every message that you sent....Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah

good luck...


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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Hi Calvin

Thanks for your suggestions, I am copying all here, and taking them with me to Rodney, as it is very important that it flows through lyrically when recorded, and makes sense. smile

Hugs Michele

Originally Posted by Calvin
If I'm not perfect I'm as close as you'll get
You think you've seen the worst?
You ain't seen nothing yet
AND Someday you'll regret every message that you sent....Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah

good luck...


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

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Hi Michele,

Here's an alternate verse 2 for your perusal.
I used verse 1 as the rhyme scheme model.

If I'm not perfection
I'm as close as YOU'LL EVER get
MAYBE GOD ISN'T FINISHED WITH ME YET
You might one day be wishing
Youíd never pressed SEND..Ah..Ah..Ah..Ah

Cheers,
Terry

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Hi Terry

Nice to hear from you. I see that your jumping on board here, and lending a helping hand, you're a great writer, and thankyou for your suggestions on the second verse. smile

I was also thinking of "You'd never pressed SEND" so I will keep your suggestions and see how we go when it's recorded.

Thanks Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/22/14 07:32 AM.
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You've got great suggestions Michele!

I've gotta hear that chorus sung when the songs up!

Geneva

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Hi Geneva

Gosh I've missed you all here, I hope all is well with you hey. As to the Chorus, oh my goodness, I just love it, and I can liturally hear it, so damn catchy. grin

I know my producer will nail the music for this one.

I couldn't believe when Donna told me Sam had passed over, and also Stan has gone too in which I already new. So this song I'm committed to make it Rock, and also Sweet revenge, as to my Ex name calling me Ms Perfect, swearing abuse over the phone, always telling me I was Wrong, and how much he was Right, lol. So we altered the song a bit, it went from a phone call to messaging, which really works.

I worked really hard on this song, and Sam put great input into this too, Stan added his little touches in a couple of places with suggestions, and it all fell into place.

Thanks for always being so supportive Geneva. smile

Hugs Michele

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/23/14 10:56 AM.
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That first verse is a killer Michele! I found the singers version difficult to plough through though but made it to the end lol.Good story and taking shape well.Best of luck for the final and vocal
Travis

Last edited by Travis david; 01/23/14 11:06 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Michele, I'll focus first on the chorus. I feel it's overly wordy, and much of any possible impact is lost. At 8 long lines, following two 5-line verses, it's longer than necessary. In addition, too much focus (lines 4, 6, 8) is on the guy, which pulls attention away from the singer. Her declaration of strength should be the only focus.

I've made a few comments below. Keep or sweep. smile

Donna

If being Ms Perfect (who is) one of respect Sense not clear
And can determine between what good is and bad Lines 2 & 3 are overly wordy.
If being Ms Perfect is one of sound moralís and common sensed Awkward phrasing.
I assure you I’m not the loser livení in self pity and disrespect Too much attention paid to the guy here.
This girlsí now a winner kicking back on the fence OK, now we're getting somewhere. smile
With my eyes wide open Mr Righteous who does nothing wrong Again, second half is focused on the guy. The song isn't about him. Makes the singer sound as if she's giving him more thought than she wants to admit to.
When it all comes back to bite Yah..Hah..Hah..Hah..Hah.....
Strike a note Ms Perfect ainít wallowing in your words of cheating lies Overly wordy, and, as you mentioned, the guy was labelling her, not telling 'cheating lies'.
Strike a note Ms Perfect ainít wallowing away in your deceiving words

Negative words like 'not', 'cheating', 'lies', 'deceiving', 'ain't' all distract from the positive message the singer wants to convey.

Here's an example - very rough, and simply to indicate what I mean about tightening up, and keeping the focus positive, and on the singer. Basically, it sums up what's in the original chorus.

So I'm Ms Perfect?
You bet your boots!
Stickin' to my common sense
And good moral roots
I'm kickin' back on the fence
With my eyes open wide
Only listenen' to my heart
It's the perfect guide


Again, this is simply a quick, rough example. wink

The bridge - at 55 words - is overly long, and doesn't pull the story forward. It's basically verse material.

Here's a rough example of an alternative. It's still long, in my opinion, but - at 28 words - it's about half as long as the original.

A lot of your labels were hurtful and mean
But 'little Ms Perfect'? Hey, closer than it seems
It describes my life, my new point of view
Without you


I don't think you need a tag at all. By this point, the message is becoming repetitious. The listener has already got it. wink



Honour the Earth. Without it, we'd be nowhere.

Life is too important to take seriously.

http://www.reverbnation.com/donnamarilynrichblend




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Hi Donna

Thank you for your great advice, I appreciate it very much. Hmm Ande said the same thing. I understand what your saying, I will cut it. I was doing a Taylor Swift, love her lines are very wordy in some of her songs, so I just went with what was in my head and Taylor Swift. smile I like how she writes those great songs of hers. She has the gift of the gab. whistle

Back to work I go. crazy hmmm, I didn't want to lose the Hah hah hah hah, cos it goes with the Ah Ah Ah Ah, oh golly gosh. frown laugh

Thanks Donna. smile

Big hugs Michele


Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/24/14 11:33 AM.
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Hi Michele,

It's nice to see you!

I see you've gotten a lot of great suggestions, so I'll just say that I really like the whole premise of your song, but one issue that came to mind for me is that being called "Ms Perfect" isn't really such a bad thing to be called. I know that he's being sarcastic, and if someone broke up with me that way, being called "Ms Perfect" would be annoying, but...it really doesn't make the guy sound all THAT bad!

So, with that being said...I don't think that she should turn around and call him a name that's along the same lines -- "Mr. Righteous." At that point, they're on the same level of name calling. Now that I look at the comments again, I think that's what Donna was saying, about focusing on the guy too much. Yes, stay focused on the singer!

I'll look forward to seeing the finished product!!

Lisa

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Hi Michele smile
I also felt very sad when I knew Stan had passed frown
Seems like you're still struggling about relationships. After a long time doing the same thing, I finally found - I think, fingers crossed - someone who lets me be "me." Nothing more regenerating than that, and I know you'll get what you deserve too smile

Re your song: Donna gave you great advice for the chorus - as you mentioned. But you were hesitating because of your existing melody, with more notes and speedier delivery, if I haven't got it wrong. So, maybe you could post a link to your melody somewhere, I'm sure it would help people to make more suggestions.
Have a great day smile

Yann


"Honey, I know, I know, I know times are changin' / It's time we all reach out 4 something new" (Prince)

http://www.facebook.com/pages/Yann-Causeret/113543418669413?ref=nf
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Hi Lisa

Nice to meet you. Love your Pic, you have a radiant smile.

Thanks I do get what your saying, and I will think on it. He was being sarcastic to me, actually on the phone, but we changed it to texting. He was putting me down for being perfect, as I found out he's been cheating on me ever since we got together, and he yelled at me down the phone, you just think your F.....ing Ms Perfect, and is always right, but I'm telling you your Wrong Wrong Wrong. He was so caught up in his Right and Wrong. It's called guilty conscious, they have to blame someone for their own abusive behaviour, so yep that's how the song started. mad laugh

I'm waiting to hear from my producer, as I'd like for use to hear the melody what's going around in my head, lol. I agree with Yann, I think it would be better for all to hear and even myself, because it flows through nicely. smile

Hugs Michele
Originally Posted by Lisa Gundling
Hi Michele,

It's nice to see you!

I see you've gotten a lot of great suggestions, so I'll just say that I really like the whole premise of your song, but one issue that came to mind for me is that being called "Ms Perfect" isn't really such a bad thing to be called. I know that he's being sarcastic, and if someone broke up with me that way, being called "Ms Perfect" would be annoying, but...it really doesn't make the guy sound all THAT bad!

So, with that being said...I don't think that she should turn around and call him a name that's along the same lines -- "Mr. Righteous." At that point, they're on the same level of name calling. Now that I look at the comments again, I think that's what Donna was saying, about focusing on the guy too much. Yes, stay focused on the singer!

I'll look forward to seeing the finished product!!

Lisa

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Hi Yann

Long time no see hah. So nice to see you. grin

Yes I was shattered when I found out he's been cheating on me ever since we've been together. Oh golly gosh, I seem to attract these abusive men. I am changing that though, I actually get it now, so no man will be pulling the wool over my eye's again, I can assure you of that. lol

As to you all hearing the melody for this, I am waiting to hear from my producer. I reckon Rodney will be able to pull it off and I have some unique idea's that's going around in my head too lol, very clever idea's that will really highlight the song. smile

As to men, Eek, crazy I have joined a dating site, and I'm making some friends, but this time I won't be jumping into the frying pan, I'm taking my time hey. smile

I'm really happy for you Yann, I hope it all works out with you and your new love. love

As to Stan, yes it is sad, and I've now lost another Sam Simpson, I just started to get to know. He too was involed on this song. Golly gosh. frown

Big hugs Michele

Originally Posted by yann
Hi Michele smile
I also felt very sad when I knew Stan had passed frown
Seems like you're still struggling about relationships. After a long time doing the same thing, I finally found - I think, fingers crossed - someone who lets me be "me." Nothing more regenerating than that, and I know you'll get what you deserve too smile

Re your song: Donna gave you great advice for the chorus - as you mentioned. But you were hesitating because of your existing melody, with more notes and speedier delivery, if I haven't got it wrong. So, maybe you could post a link to your melody somewhere, I'm sure it would help people to make more suggestions.
Have a great day smile

Yann

Last edited by Michele Howlett; 01/29/14 05:16 AM.

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