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Love (Three Minutes at a Time)

He's singing cleanup
In a beer-soaked Phoenix bar
She's wishing he would touch her
Like he's touching that guitar
Branded with tattoos
Got a horseshoe on his shoulder
He's an appaloosa runaway
No filly's gonna hold him

She falls in love with him three minutes at a time
His name is on the marquee, but she never sees the signs
She falls in love with him three minutes at a time
When the music stops, who knows what she'll find

She's a g-string ballerina
The boys all watch her spin
With plastic heels she carves out
The hearts of lonesome men
She sits down at his table
And gives that thing a turn
Her lips are sticks of dynamite
One kiss and he's burnt

He falls in love with her three minutes at a time
Her picture's on a poster, but he never sees the signs
He falls in love with her three minutes at time
When the music stops, who knows what he'll find

The room gets quiet as they close down the bar
They might be going places, but they don't know how far

They fall in love three minutes at a time
Signs, signs everywhere, don't help if you're blind
We fall in love three minutes at a time
When the music stops, you can't hit rewind

Nice one Chris! I really like the evolving/changing chorus.

She likes the bad boys!

Really good lines here again.

How about:

'Dancin' pirouettes of sin' for that line to make it flow better. Don't know if that's the right spelling though!

Nice one.

Phil.

Sizzles-Along Very Nicely, Bro Chris!

I'll sug "WHIRLS of sin"..since "Ballet" just seems Foreign to a Country Lyric...JMO..KOS.

KUDOS for such a Catchy, Well-Told Tale, Amigo!

Best Wishes & a Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Good Gawd, Chris.....This one needs some special attention!

I think it should be up for one of the best of the year.

Awesomeness! GET ON THE MUSIC!

Following this one!

Mike

Excellent lyric Chris. smooth as silk and a good country number in the making
Travis

very nice Chris...this is so so good! His name is on the marquee, but she never saw the signs

Now put her picture somewhere other than the restroom...1) guys don't call it that, and 2) not a place for the performer's glossy...at the entrance, on the door, on the wall etc....


Plastic heels also gives me pause. It's a great picture, but ballet dancers use padded flats...no heels to be seen. Probably forgiveable because , as I said, the picture of her gouging out hearts with plastic heels is stellar ...

Wow Chris, this is another one that sings on it's own. But I agree with John, ballet dancers use flat shoes. Can you make her a stripper with stilettos. Just a suggestion, like you give me.

She's a G-string queen
Using her crown for sin
With stilleto heels she cuts out
The hearts of lonesome men
Her passion's dynamite
She don't slowly burn




Summer

CHRIS--

SHE'S STILL IN MY MIND, 19 IN OKC--I WAS TOO YOUNG TO SEE THE SIGNS_

SENT YOU A PM!

WRITE ON--

Mackie

Justin: Thanks for stopping in...first!

Phil: Yeah, the "ballerina" in one line and "ballet" in the very next was bugging me. Took you suggestion and great line!

Stan: Thank you for the look, captain!

Nice work on this Chris. Great visuals and descriptive lines that flow well. Very nice job indeed.

Hey, Chris. I think this lyric has promise. I think you did a great job on V1 and the chorus, but I think L3 of the chorus could be better. Then you lost me. I think V2 is really well written, but I don't think it fits well with your chorus and 3 minute hook. The bridge doesn't do anything for me. My advice would be to keep at it. Good luck, buddy.

Bill

Mike: Thanks for the praise, but I am still not loving this one, line by line...yet. As far as the music, I'm working on it in one for or another...

Travis: Thank you, sir, for the look!

John & Summer: Not sure if everyone is having trouble with the ballet metaphor or the literal interpretation of what this gal does for a living in V2. I did take her out of the bathroom and clarify a few lines, though.

James: Appreciate the visit, man!

Bill: What sucks about a good critique is when someone points out the parts you were not happy with in the first place, but thought you could sneak past everyone. L3 of the chorus is weak and I have not come up with a zinger there yet. The bridge is not even close (originally posted "Bridge TBD"), and for some reason I have a harder time with bridges than anything else. I just can't get out of verse/chorus mode to ever come up with something solid in the bridge. V2 might need a little buffing. In my mind, 3 minutes is the approximate time for an alt. country song, or a lap and/or pole dance. I might need to quite trying to be clever and get on with the story...

Mackie: Thanks for the edits! This thing is shaping up...not sure what shape, but a shape nonetheless. Will work on a passable bridge.

well that's 2 minutes longer than me,LOL!A dang good one Chris!Mike

Hi Chris,

This is a very cool write and really clever!

I had a few random thoughts....

For the plastic heels line, I thought maybe "carves out" instead of "cuts out." It doesn't sound as harsh and kind of gives a softer, more romantic image, to go along with the ballerina image too.

I noticed you said that you're thinking about the bridge...I didn't see what you had originally, but maybe the bridge should talk about time in the long-term, since the rest of the song talks about time in the short-term? Maybe about where it could go, after years, instead of minutes? Just a thought!

For that line in the chorus about not knowing what he/she is looking for, you mentioned that you're trying to think of something else there. I like it the way it is, but it occurred to me that you could say something about the three-minute song ending, and then the dance ending. Not these words, but something along the lines of: "When the song ends...who knows...." Or, "When the dance ends....who knows..." I was thinking that we're all very aware that the average song lasts about three minutes, but I'm not sure if non-songwriters think of that so much. Before I started writing song lyrics, I don't think I ever gave much thought to how long a song lasts. So, if you drive that point home in the chorus, it might be helpful!

Lisa

Michael: Glad ya enjoyed!

Lisa: Great sugs! I have made a few changes you mentioned, but am still working out that bridge...

I like it Chris. What more can be said? It "reads/sings" well, flows nicely and tells the story perfectly.

The only "nit" would be that they meet to early (??) maybe we need to see them get together before the last verse?

Just a thought.

douglas

Yeah, it's clear now Chris...love the picture the g string ballerina conjures up. Masterful fix!

Chris,

A thought (maybe you've already thought of it):

"When the song is over" means "when the song is over." However...

"When the music stops" means something deeper, more profound. (Just don't ask me what exactly.)

Just my opinion.

Dave: I have been playing with this one more than a 5th grader picks his nose, but I agree and took your suggestion. Thanks!!!

Hey Chris --

I love your "when the music stops" change too!

I also really liked the original line you had there, with the thought of they don't know what they're looking for -- maybe you could take that line and use it in a bridge???? I keep looking for your bridge!!!

-- Lisa

Thanks for another look, Lisa. I think I am about dome playing with it (for now).