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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Lamb.wavv
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/05/26 04:07 PM
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,411
Top 100 Poster
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OP
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,411 |
vs
Every time the sun don't shine
I fall into despair
Every day without your smile
Makes me wish that I was there
vs
Any time my cell phone rings
I long to hear your voice
But it's never you I'm talking to
So I guess I have no choice
Chorus:
Exit stage left.. enter stage right
I'm back on the phone booking my flight
Exit stage left.. enter stage right
I'm coming home, I'll see you tonight
vs
Every time that I'm on set
Rehearsing my lines
The only thing that keeps me sane
Is knowing you are mine
vs
Every day that I'm away
I wonder why we work so much
We got the house we got the car
I think we're losing touch
Bridge:
Touch with reality
With who we used to be
Who are we working for
It's not us anymore
I'd give up all of this
Just to retain your kiss
Chorus:
Exit stage left.. enter stage right
I'm back on the phone booking my flight
Exit stage left.. enter stage right
I'm coming home I'll see you tonight
I'm coming home I'll see you tonight
I'm coming home I'll see you tonight
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8
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True Joe, material things aren't everything and won't keep you warm at night.Unless it's an electric blanket of course.
Good story
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 310
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Like the chorus a lot...the strongest part of this lyric for sure. Got a tune in mind?
73's & 88's Good Buddy!
Chris Bohlman
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Joined: Jun 2013
Posts: 630
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Generally good. I would, however, like to suggest a couple of things.
- Second verse (last 2 lines): I think could be stronger. (I think you probably would be calling and hearing her voice...sometimes.) And the "choice" is not clear. I mean you could call her.
- Maybe you could introduce you're an actor sooner? Maybe make it the 2nd verse?
Just some thoughts that are IMO.
I, too, really like your chorus.
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Hey Travis
Thanks mate. Yeah money isn't everything, also being apart for long periods of time doesn't help with a relationship. Although some would say differently(lol).
Cheers
Joe
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Hey Chris
Thanks very much, I do have a good melody for both verse and chorus. I would say it's kinda country/rock.
Cheers
Joe
Last edited by joewatt; 06/23/13 08:12 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Hey Dave
Thanks for your reply. yeah strictly speaking the call line is wrong but I think it works in the song. I suppose I could get in the actor part in two but again it sound good in the song.
Thanks again
Joe
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