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Joined: Dec 2006
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Hey All, Am trying to write a logline for a film project which after 5 yrs is finally gaining some momentum. So here goes.... Timid and self doubting, Toni Wheeler has left her small home town to persue a career in finance in The City in order to fund her dreams as a singer songriter, a place where her soul belongs. Dave Hollinger, the mailboy, also has the same dream. As their mutual love of music and of each other grows and veers headlong into personal tragedy, Toni must revisit her troubled emotional past in order to redefine herself and redefine the real meaning of success.I know it's too long, but any and allthoughts appreciated. Does it make you want to read further ? cheers, niteshift PS - it has a very happy ending. 
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Joined: Jan 2008
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Heya Nite!
I absolutely suck at loglines. I know what they're supposed to do, but I just can't seem to make them behave.
In this case, I think the romance can be downplayed, or left out completely. It seems like her troubled past is the biggest obstacle?
The advice I've read(tons of it, as I'm sure you have too) all seems to say that we can leave the names out...So, what we're left with is:
Who is it about..."Who" singular, preferably.
What do they want?
What standfs in their way?
What do they have to do to overcome it?
With that in mind, here are a coupel of edited suggestions:
After moving to The City, a small town girl must overcome her troubled emotional past, and deal with a budding romance, in order to redefine herself and pursue her musical dreams.
A small town girl with a troubled past is forced to reinvent herself after moving to The City to pursue her musical dreams.
Yeah, I know, they suck:-)
Congrats on the traction and Good Luck, Dude!
Midnite
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Small Town girl goes to the Big City to find fortune and fame but learns all that glitters isn't gold and discovers the true meaning of success.
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Joined: May 2006
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Timid Toni Wheeler left her small home town for a career in finance in The City to follow her dream as a singer. Dave Hollinger, the mailboy, has the same dream. As their mutual love of music and each other grow, Toni must revisit her troubled emotional past in order to redefine herself and the true meaning of success.
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Joined: Jan 2008
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Coupla quick thoughts, just to clarify.
From what I've learned from the Pros, you want 1, count 'em 1, protagonist in the logline...And in the film also, actually. That's why I dropped the guy.
It might also be helpful to know why her "past" prevents her from accomplishing her goal in the present? "Troubled past" doesn't really tell us much about what happened, or why it's a problem now...Is it personal demons, or a physical act(like having robbed a bank) that is now a problem?
Is it a former boyfriend who's coming back to do harm to her new fling?...But if THAT's the case, then her budding romance is her main goal, but it sounds like making it in music is her main goal, so I just don't see how her past would still affect her.
What is it, exactly, that makes me want to root for this girl as opposed the the thousands of others out there trying to make it. What makes her special?
Just wondering...
Oh, and you might be able to skate by with 2 sentences, but I would advise against it. For a logline, one sentence is always better....But you already know that:-)
Midnite
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Ah Heck,
You guys are just damn great.
I've been having this kind of "thing" with writers on other boards, and it's all about synopsis and logline. Sure, that's fine on a cold call, but doesn't matter in reality on the premise that someone is trying to pick up the story.
To me, loglines are done last. They are a marketing tool when the deal has been done. ( and many beers have been drank by the poolsside, or something similar ) Lot's of setting up the situation, the cost, the talent, and everything else.
Perhaps I'm just old, but I still play by the "rules".
On this occasion, I was not asked to play by the rules, because apparantly the rules have changed. I needed a logline...... hopefully I might choke on my own vomit, and the world will be well.
cheers, niteshift
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Joined: Jan 2008
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Fair enough. Rules be damned, and the world a better place!
But still, I'm left with...
"veers headlong into personal tragedy"
...and wondering, How? What kind of tragedy can young love veer into?
Midnite
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Hey Bob, In a nutshell.... death. And it's ressurection perhaps ? Oh joy, just happens to fit with the season. cheers, niteshift Ps - be happy to send you re-write no3 for a read through on a PM
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Joined: Dec 2006
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I've gotcha thinking mate, the whole point of any script ?
cheers, niteshift
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Hey Bob, In a nutshell.... death. And it's ressurection perhaps ? Oh joy, just happens to fit with the season. cheers, niteshift Ps - be happy to send you re-write no3 for a read through on a PM Left ya my e-mail in a pm. Look forward to reading it. Midnite
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Cheers mate, look foward to your thoughts.
cheers, niteshift
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It's very difficult to present a piece which is a script with music ( not a musical ). It must stand alone, then again, can't be seperated from the music, because it all falls apart. Heck ! Why not try to do the impossible ? It's more fun.  cheers, niteshift
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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