Hi Beth,

You rewrite was well done and really tightened your lyric. I think you have a clever way of writing, complete with rhymes and in this case some sarcasm thrown in for good measure. This song does succeed in telling a story (albeit not a happy one). I like the Big Man on Campus concept but wonder if it will confuse listeners who are an unfamiliar with the acronym BMOC??? I understand using the "groping" line to set an example of just how bad things had gotten, but I wonder if an artist would want to sing that. Didn't know if you could somehow just refer to him as the Big Man on Campus and not use BMOC and use another scenario instead of the "groping line"??? Just my opinion of course.

I wanted to compliment you on these really clever lines:

If he believed in love at first sight
First amused by her nerve
Then aroused by each curve
He slyly said “not ‘til tonight”


In the world where they met
She’d worn his jacket with pride
But while she had outgrown it
He was still trapped inside.


My Music at Soundclick

~call it a blessing or call it a curse, but I see all of life in verse~

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