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TV Drama
by Raymond Byabazaire - 08/31/26 09:46 AM
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Weeks
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/29/26 12:08 AM
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Max Ceddo
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/27/26 11:50 PM
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Tin Lung
by Gary E. Andrews - 08/27/26 04:12 PM
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,975 Likes: 98
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 1,975 Likes: 98 |
Hi Kay-lynn,
here are the strengths: clear storytelling, strong moral theme and cinematic imagery. What can be improved: make the chorus imagery as vivid as the verse and tighten a few lines to feel more unique.
I would write "If it's not mine, then whose is it?"
Chorus suggestion: I've seen fear in his eyes and it ain't pretty
Instead of "Said lady pick on someone your own size" think about "Try picking on someone who can fight back" or "You want a fight? Try someone your own size".
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