My daughter Facetimed me yesterday and gave me a virtual tour of her shiny new apartment. A couple of hours later I had this song. It was written with her in mind as the singer and would be best that way I think, but for this version I added an intro and a few words to convert it into a song for a guy to sing.

https://soundcloud.com/themysteriousbeings/new-apartment/s-a63g4WWfPLD

NEW APARTMENT
Words & Music by Gavin Sinclair

I woke up on the couch again this morning, empty cans and a pain in my head
My baby wasn't there, so I called her, and you'll never guess what she said...


I got a new apartment, all shiny and clean
With all new appliances, that new apartment sheen
Getting rid of all that junk that I don't need, everything's brand new
And when I say all that junk, honey, that includes you
Too

CHORUS
Cos you don't fit in my kitchen, there simply isn't space
And I don't want you on my couch, cluttering up the place
Your face, your clothes, heaven knows you don't fit with my decor
The only place where you'd look right is on the other side of my door

She said...
You can keep all those dishes piled up in the sink
Figure out how to wash them, they're starting to stink
And when your friends come round to play video games, drink beer and eat wings
They can use the vacuum cleaner. It's that big old wheely thing.

CHORUS
Cos you don't fit in my kitchen, there simply isn't space
And I don't want you on my couch, cluttering up the place
Your face, your clothes, heaven knows you don't fit with my decor
The only place where you'd look right is on the other side of my door

Don't come moanin' on my entryphone 'n
Calling me hard hearted
Stay down there, I just wanna breathe air
In which you haven't farted

CHORUS
Cos you don't fit in my kitchen, there simply isn't space
And I don't want you on my couch, cluttering up the place
Your face, your clothes, heaven knows you don't fit with my decor
The only place where you'd look right is on the other side of my door