Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books


Hi John - thanks for that - nice to see you here smile

Gary - thanks for the detailed review - a few notes on your comments below:

Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.) good catch I'll fix that
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?) yes - it defines the melody
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?) - maybe but 'the' is easier to sing here
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.) - "but" serves a purpose lyrically to me

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?) - nope - it carries the melody line
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

- this is a AABA(BA) structure - there is no chorus. The underplaying of the hook is intentional - repeating it would cheapen the song IMO. The protagonist here hopes people don't recognize he is in pain - thus he sings "I hope they don't say". Seems to me he wouldn't be the type to over-emphasize the fact that he was putting on a brave face. I'm probably wrong. but I like to "serve the song" and this isn't a hooky song - at least lyrically smile

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.) - I'm OK with 'a' here - it changes to "my" in the last stanza to keep interest
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?) - 'And' carries the melody

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

- This isn't an "instrumental bridge" - it's a solo played over a verse progression. I suggest you have a look at AABA song structures - they really are quite popular smile

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?) - it serves a lyrical purpose
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?) - carries the melody

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

- I'm OK with just two repeats of the title. Rules are made to be broken! smile

Seriously though Gary, I appreciate you taking the time and I hope I've explained my logic, twisted as it might be smile