There was a conversation in another thread about how "friendships hurt honest critiquing" and I think this is nonsense.

Anybody who has real honest to goodness friends (and most of us do) know that to get to that plateau some form of honesty and candor was reached. I have friends here, and when they say something negative about a song, I take it far more seriously than from someone I have had little contact with or someone who is wrapped up in a cocoon of anonymity, which to me kills any potential trust, the key factor in friendship..

Certainly a non-friend can give an honest critique, but they are also far more likely to be motivated by something other than how they really feel about the song. If you get a negative comment from a known troll, how can you ever trust that it's coming from an honest place, especially if that dissent stands alone from what others say? And even then, they could simply be jumping on a bandwagon without any real consideration of the song.

I strive for friendship with my JPF compats and one of the main reasons is that I want to be able to take in everything they say with complete trust. Being here is like being in a cross between a think tank and a party, but we're all blindfolded and so what we say takes on much more significance than if we saw body language and facial expressions. It takes work to communicate well here (and in social media in general) cuz it is more demanding than when we have sight.

Deej, Maybe I missed a post you deleted, but I agree with what I did read. When I listen to songs, I hear good and bad, for sure..I may be more prone to mention good to a newbie for the very reasons you mention. Does that make my comments BS? Of course not, and it only would to someone lacking in basic communication skills. Maybe the offspring of The Great Santini or some other archetypal "tough love" dad might be acted out or channeled through when they give tough love reviews, here. The thing that kills me is..they no doubt hear the good in the song they are saying only negative things about..yet something prevents them from balancing their review so that the receiver can actually not come away feeling like crap. It makes you wonder if the intent was to make the receiver feel like crap, especially if it is a review coming from a non-friend. Or if they are lacking in empathy? Perhaps slouching towards sociapathology?

I think the definition of "friend" has changed a lot with the coming of social media. I have maybe a few hundred Facebook friends, I don't know cuz I barely use the site. I'd say maybe 30-40 of those people I really would trust enough to call real friends. That doesn't mean I wouldn't trust a negative comment by one of the other 90%, only I would more likely reach for a consensus then, needing a stricter standard for believing that comment. And when I see that the comment is framed as an opinion, I am far more likely to mull it over. When someone cannot take the time to add "I think" or "I believe" or "I feel" or IMO..anywhere in their critique or comments, I feel this terror rise up in my gut, cuz it's like the voice of God is talking to me! They have access to truth and so I better believe what they say..and then I become aware of these sensations some ten seconds later and put them in check..but the damage was done, and I will find it hard to trust those comments. God is probably the only truly omniscient voice, and so if you choose to remind me you are just little you with your comment, I am FAR more likely to listen and take it seriously. People who pose as God when they review are probably archetypal Oz figures, feeling like fakes inside and putting on masks..jmo..LOL....

Yes, I believe in the opposite of those comments in that thread that said, "friendship kills honest critiquing." I believe in striving for friendship so as to be able to trust the comments from that person. I think anyone who would honestly think that way might truly consider re-assing those faux friendships that lack honesty. Honesty just comes with the territory of real friendship, I believe.

If you are in a friendship, on JPF or otherwise, and feel shy about being honest with your friend cuz you think they're gonna be defensive of something, than maybe look at might still be a friendship, but perhaps lacking 3 dimensions..?

And in order for friendships to grow and not stagnate..when you come to that crossroads. of......should I say what I feel cuz it might hurt..or should I not..what would you imagine the choice leading to potential growth would be? And be creative and gentle in the process..and watch your friendship grow.

It is far easier to have friends here if you have a name and a face, and much easier to understand friendships if you have them. here or otherwise..and I feel awful for those that are lonely in that sense, cuz all the breezy talk they can muster here is just lost on most folks, since the potential for friendship is not there, and as a result, that trust can never be there either...


Last edited by Michael Zaneski; 03/30/19 02:15 PM.

Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)