the thing is...if you can't make the story plausible within the time you've set for your song, you've chosen the wrong story. As it is, it's not believable. You could re-write your chorus or that couplet and put some info in there. you could also change the tempo of the song. When you think of a story, you have to run through the things necessary to make the ending work. the ending is everything in a story. It's 50% of your grade. The ending of this song isn't plausible without some sort of foreshadowing.

Nashville demos etc:

other demos:

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love