JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Postcard View (would appreciate input, thanks!) :)

Hi- This was originally Because It's You, then I changed it to Postcard View, and joined Shelly Johnson for a collaboration on this. We worked together on the music melody, arrangement and lyric.
This is our version so far. Open to comments and suggestions.

The genre or style we are striving for is Taylor Swift, Demi Lovato or Sara Bareilles.
Thanks!!!
Kimberly

Postcard View


The weight of the world shows in your smile
so I come in close for a while
And love on you

When everyday mundane takes hold
It steals our time and truth be told
It colors us blue

Pre-chorus
One touch fills the need
It’s always been that way
But reality can’t be ignored
When it’s like a tidal wave


Chorus
We’re back the fray, but we try again
Like we always do, my lover my friend
Whatever it takes, you know I’ll do
I wanna show you life’s postcard view

Our place is small, cold leaks through walls
Once we pay bills nothing’s left at all
But we make do

We agreed for worse or better
We’ll keep writing those love letters
to get us through

Repeat Pre-chorus and Chorus

Bridge

Don’t need a passport, take my hand
Magic comes in the chance
We can make life beautiful, just wait and see, just wait and see


Repeat chorus with voice overlay x2
We’re back in the fray, (ohh yeah) but we try again (ooh yeah)
Like we always do, (whatever it takes I'll do) my lover my friend
Whatever it takes, (ohh Yeah)you know I’ll do (ohh yeah)
I wanna show you life’s postcard view

Ohh Yeah, Ohh Yeah
Whatever it takes I’ll do
ohh yeah, oh yeah
I wanna show you life’s postcard view

©Kimberly Kime/Shelly Johnson 2015
All Rights Reserved

WOW! This is really good. I recall making some suggestions, it seems like you listened...(not many people listen to me!)

I like it alot, just need a better mix.

Think you did an excellent job of editing this piece.

Nice work!

Thanks so much Bugsey. I am glad you think it's an improvement, we have worked hard on it.

Kim

No problem, you need a harmony on were back in the fray, and whatever it takes, it will strengthen the hook.

Might take a good recording for people to hear it, I hear it as is.

Good Work

Hi Kim,

The changes you made are great -- I really enjoyed the listen!
Very pretty song!

Lisa

Thanks again Bugsey, once we are sure we have it exactly as we want it, we may then go into a demo studio, and I will mention those backup harmonies to Shelly, thanks!!
Kim

Thanks so much Lisa!!! Thrilled you like it!!

Kim

very nice Kim. Nice vocal. good guitar. Just maybe a better mix and maybe bass and harmonies? good work

Dif

Thanks so much...yes, this is still a draft, not final.

Kimberly

Hi Kim,

I've never heard the older version, so I can only judge what I hear now. I like your song overall. The strength IMO in order are: Very good Bridge & Chorus--then Pre-Chorus--then verses. I'd like seeing the verses consolidated for more body and with a possibly melody tweak to give them both better musical identity and more story for interest and general song flow. They're not bad, but IMO don't offer enough meat & build to give your PC a good launching pad--which lessens the climatic launch slightly, making the PC feel slightly pre-mature.

Lot's of potential here however, but I think you can improve the verses melody-wise & possibly an added line or two.

Good luck!

steady-eddie.

Thank you Ed, Shelly and I will discuss all this tonight, when we have our meeting. I really appreciate it
Kim

Hey Kimberly,

Thank you so much for posting a WORK TAPE and allowing other folks into your song writing process.

This is simply a GREAT write. Of course, it needs work, but it is quite obvious that this is a fantastic song in it's genre.

Keep goin'..... chug chug chug...

A pleasure to listen to.

cheers, niteshift

Kim, sweet song! Very nice vocal performance as well. Sure, you could develop it more from a production stand point but sometimes hearing a bare bones song like this reveals all the best elements.Thanks for sharing!

Tom

Hey Kim!

I didn't hear the earlier version of this either, but it's terrific. I LOVE the hook, what a great idea. It's right in that Taylor Swift/Demi Lovato wheelhouse.

I also really enjoyed your rhyme schemes and overall format. I always find myself using the same ole thing, so it's nice to get some different ideas used so successfully.

I do think there could be a little tightening up production-wise, but you are definitely heading in the right direction Kim. This one has a lot of potential.

Good luck with it and keep up the work!!

Beth

Hi Kim,

I hear a good match with the general message and music and I like the overall concept. I think it could be a lot better lyrically.

I get the gist: life has got you down and I want to lift you up. In the pre-chorus, you say you can do that with one touch, but then you say reality is such that, that isn't working so...then what do you do? How do you make it better?

In the chorus, you use the phrase "back in the fray" meaning "going back to do something hard and difficult", so to me, that says so maybe I can't make the world perfect with just a touch but we're in this fight together and I'll do whatever to make our lives together better. So, we're back in the fray AND (not BUT) we'll try again. But what is it you're going to try?

It sounds like you're doing all the heavy lifting so maybe more evidence of a mutual thing is needed? The "I love on you" and "we'll keep writing those love letters" are the only references to what either of you is doing to keep the other's spirits up.

The bridge hints at magic and beauty but never really delivers either. Show me don't tell me.

I guess I'm saying the lyrics are only skimming the surface. The sentiment is there and it's great but I don't think you're delivering the goods. I love you and when the world gets you down I want to show you there's beauty all around so I'm going to...

Show me what you're going to do and make me believe it.

Ricki

Strong write. My small nit would be
that, and I may be wrong, mundane
is an adjective and unless I misinterpreted
things it is used as a noun here. FWIW.

I like the song.

Bud