JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Let Her Fly

Hey everyone. Haven't posted in a while. This is a worktape recorded on my phone. I'm interested in everyone's thoughts about any and all aspects. I'm particularly interested in your thoughts on changing the last chorus from "you" to "I". Thanks to everyone for your input. Don't go easy. :-)
- Ricky

https://soundcloud.com/rickyharris/let-her-fly

LET HER FLY
Written and Performed by Ricky Harris

He said, "Those little yellow wings danced through the yard
You whirled and twirled 'til you caught her
Put the flower from your hair in a mayonnaise jar
Gave her grass and water

Three hours in I kneeled down
Honey I know how much she means
But if you want that butterfly to grow
You need to set her free

CHORUS
Let her go, let her fly
Like a kite in the wind
You won't know 'til you try
Goodbye is not the end
Let her go, let her grow, let her know you love her
Let her fly

I still remember your first steps
And the day you learned to ride your bike
Each time I wanted to hold on
Until these words ran through my mind

REPEAT CHORUS

BRIDGE
Ev'ry step we take together down this old church aisle
Brings back a happy memory of you
I fight back the tears with a proud father's smile
Knowing one last time, what I need to do

Let her go, let her fly
Like a kite in the wind
I won't know 'til I try
Goodbye is not the end
Let her go, let her grow, let her know I love her, I'll always love her
Let her fly


Copyright © 2014 Richard Harris. All Rights Reserved.
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Hey Ricky,

Since you posted this in the Lyric forum, I'll only address that part of the song okay?

While your hook isn't necessarily an unfamiliar one, I enjoyed the notion of setting it up with the butterfly story. But I was a bit confused about the WHEN of this sequence, and who the "you" and the "her" were. I did re-read it a couple of times, though, and then think I figured it out...but maybe to make it clearer you could try this ?(or maybe it's just my old addled brain that couldn't figure it out! )...

REMEMBER THOSE little yellow wings danCING through the yard
HOw you whirled and twirled 'til you caught her?
Put the flower from your hair in a mayonnaise jar
And gave her grass and water?

OR HOW three hours in I kneeled down AND SAID
Honey I know how much she means
But if you want that butterfly to grow
You need to set her free

Otherwise, I enjoyed the story and the bridge of course really hit home. My daughter just got her Learner's Permit a week ago, and I'm very cognizant of all the Letting Go moments still to come!

Thanks for sharing and good luck!
Beth

Ricky,

Cool. I am currently unable to listen. I used the "Frozen" song "Let It Go" as the basis for reading yours. That said,

The first verse is third person. The second is first person. All in the same timeline. Maybe instead of "He said", it could be "I said".

I see the "I" vs "You" dilemma you mention in the final chorus. Since, you are relating the story, you do know...in general. But, not about your daughter specifically. So, it kinda works as written.

However, you may want to go in another direction entirely. Something like, "I know I gotta try".

Ricky, this is a really nice heart-felt story. Simple. To the point. Clear. I really like it.

Dave

You are both correct. It gets a little weird with the tenses. Generally mainstream artists don't sing about something personal in first person, especially if it involves a kid or something that reflects their age. So I was trying to make it third person but didn't do it often enough to work. The other option is to go back to first person and hope an artist will sing it. I need to look at it some more and figure out which way is better. Thanks for your insight!!!

Ricky, there's a fine line between sentimental and maudlin. You'll have to decide for yourself which side of the fence these lyrics fall on. There's always the danger in these kinds of songs that they'll fall on the wrong side of the fence.

I wouldn't be too concerned about which point of view to take in the last chorus. Either point of view could work. Neither will make or break the song to me. Good luck going forward.

Great comment Dan. What is it about the song that brings up the maudlin aspect for you? Is it the chord choices or the lyrics?

Ricky, the lyrics skirt the borderline. One test is to ask this question: is it plausible? Would a father walking his daughter down the aisle still be reminding himself " Let her go, let her grow, let her fly etc". Does each step really bring back a happy memory.? I can't answer that. Only you can.

Incidentally, I should have said the music was fine. Sounded like a harpsichord to me.

I agree with Dan. I like it and think it needs something else.
I love "Sip" btw.
Vic

Thanks for your input Dan and Vic. Thanks Vic for the kind words on Sip. :-)

Hi Ricky,

I came into this the other day and was at the coffee shop and couldn't listen. I then kept forgetting to listen at home. Here I am at the coffee shop again, without my earphones, so I'll just comment on the lyric and come back to listen!

First, this is very sweetly written! The whimsical feel of it is very pretty!

I have an 11-year-old son and I can picture the whole butterfly scene -- and feel it, the way you've written it so tenderly!

I did get confused with the pronouns, especially in verse one. In verse one, line one, I thought that a little boy was talking to his dad. I got confused about who was catching the butterfly too.

I was thinking, in the chorus, you could add more of an explanation about why she should let the butterfly go. If you're really speaking to the girl, and you say, "goodbye is not the end" --I'm not sure if that would be enough of an explanation. I think that some more meat could be added to the chorus.

Oh, also, when you talk about her first steps ... I think it's confusing because we've already pictured her walking, since she was dealing with the butterfly. Thus, during her first steps, he wouldn't be thinking back to the butterfly discussion.

Lisa