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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jan 2005
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Troubadour
I sang about the stars And the beauty in her eyes Before time grew far Between her and i
I wrote about the moon And the tenderness of her touch Before the years were strewn In a memories clutch
Now my muse she's in the shadows,of faded yesterdays But i remember when i was her troubadour No excuse my words fall shallow,no matter what i say I'll never sing my way into her heart anymore
She had all the dreams But i held the night Then too late i seen The dreadful light
i soon discovered She needed more than a song So to that ghostly lover My heart belongs
Now my muse she's in the shadows,of faded yesterdays But i remember when i was her troubadour No excuse my words fall shallow,no matter what i say I'll never sing my way into her heart anymore
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Hi Michael,
this is pretty nice. I think a lot of us musicians have been here at least once in our lives.
About the only problem I see is a couple of meter bumps.
V2 L2: And her tenderness of touch
V2 L3: Before years were strewn
V2 L4 In a mem'ries clutch
You get the idea. Cool lyric!
David
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Michael--
Ya'll have to lay the music down to see how it sounds--Good luck!
Write on--
Mackie
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Hey Mike A nice descriptive lyric, although I can't get a handle on the chorus.
Cheers Joe
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Good one Mike. I don't know what kind of melody you had in mind, but I picked up a Kenny Rogers like vibe and melody. Nice work, enjoyed the read.
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thanx David [if that is your real name Leon Russell]!Always needin' a trim.Mike
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hey Mackie,thanx for the read!I hope i find what i have in mind.Mike
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hey thanx Joe!It's kinda hard sometimes to go where the writer goes,i know a lot of my songs were done differently by others than the way i had sung them in my head at the time i wrote them. That's why it's hard for me to critique a lyric,the music just brings out what would have been a bland lyric to something really good.Mike
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hey James,thanx for the read and thoughts!Well i'm not nowhere near or will i ever be the poet/lyricist Townes Van Zandt but i think a simple melody of his style would work on this one.Mike
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Hey Michael,
Well done here, sir! I like how this is written but my head won't shut up, so here's my thoughts....
Now my muse she's in the shadows of our faded yesterdays losing sight of when I was her troubadour unexcused, my words fall shallow. deafened ears to what I say Her heart a shield against my song forevermore
Or something like that there... KOS as always...
Anyways, I like the story you have here. Write on!
Peace,
David
"Where there's a Gill, there's a way"
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hey Dave,i appreciate your visit and sugs!i did keep the "losing sight of when i was her troubadour" line,thanx for that.Checks in the mail!Mike
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thanx David [if that is your real name Leon Russell]!Always needin' a trim.Mike Lol! Mike. Yep, that's the name I was born with. Here's a kick for ya. My full name is David Michael Fontaine! Catch that middle name bro? Haha! All true!
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that's a great middle name David!lol
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Haha! Oops, I forgot to mention I've only had this exact name since 1958!
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Good one Mojo I like songs with "troubadour in the title! Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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