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http://soundcloud.com/steady-eddie This is a first for me as far as writing a spiritual song. I wrote this song about three years ago--just now getting it produced. I wanted to write a song that was spiritual, but more in a personal way--I think many could relate to this circumstance. I wanted to give credit to Whitney Kneffler for her first flute session piece, though a small part of the song, I thought the flute depicted the lonely mood well. "CAN YOU CATCH MY SOUL" - music/lyrics: eswartz Intro -- piano/flute Vs. 1 Can You catch my soul; I think I’ve lost control Countless days, and restless nights, They all take their toll Vs. 2 If I kneel and pray, would You listen today Guardian angels help me find my path, Will You lead the way Ch. “Now I lay myself down to sleep, I pray to God for my soul to keep” I used to say those words, every night, (tag) “every night” I can’t remember the rest of the prayer; I used to say it at the top of the stairs Then I would fall asleep, safe and sound, (tag) “safe and sound” Vs. 3 If I share my pain, would You have me again? Would You fill my heart with joy, Could You temper Your disdain? (Brdg) Fly so high, my spirit’s all alone and cold, where is Your cloak,and where is the light, Can You catch my soul (Instrumental -- flute solo) (Repeat chorus) Vs. 4 Can You catch my soul, Will You take control? I really need a second chance; For only You can make me whole (Outro) Instrumental piano/flute
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Sounds good, the issues I have right out of the gate would be that the drums seem slightly erratic, as though they were an after thought, and two....the line "can you temper your disdain" sounded awkward to me somehow. I think everything else is fine, I'd go as far as to say maybe pulling drums out of it completely and see how it flows without them. The disdain line is ofcourse, my personal perception of how it sounds.....sooo.... that's about all I can think of, good tune, don't get to hear many of yours.
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Hey Mac!
Thanks for stopping in. The drums intentionally are not conventional. I wanted a more contemporary feel, and I contrasted that with an almost military presence percussion toward the end. I expected to get a few comments as yours with respect to the percussion. I've been looking closely at contemporary pop songs and the direction they are headed with drums--and I'm seeing them being used more and more for bold accenting and almost more like they are instruments rather than just a tempo train. I had to listen to it a few times myself before it grew on me, I could easily make it more conventional, and like you said not even use them. But I used cymbals and toms strategically for effect more than a conventional drum kit for beat. There may be a need for a tweak here, so thanks, but the drums aren't written for the gray beards for sure!
The line you dislike is one of my favorites lyrically "temper your disdain" ie: "temper" as the other meaning--to neutralize or counter-balance) I think it expresses how God must feel when he sees one of his flock stray--disdain. (Mac, God has a huge vocabulary as well)!
As always, your comments are appreciated, respected, and considered.
steady-eddie.
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Hi Eddie, Good to see you posting another beautiful tune. Who am I to nit ANYTHING of yours, but for me the drums seemed a bit awkard compared to the beauty of the rest of the song & your vocals were.... G R E A T ! Thanks for sharing such a nice piece of work. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Calvin,
You de man, and I hear you. Take another listen as I just changed the settings with the drums a bit thanks to Mac causing me difficulty sleeping last night--they should be "blending" better now. As I said to Mac, this is not a conventional approach to a percussion track with this type tune for sure. I do think I had them set a little too pronounced as I was using them for accents, and this I agree that they were a bit distractive, so I backed off a bit--also reduced the volume on the flute solo.
Thanks much for the kind words and comments!
steady-eddie.
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Sounding good Ed. The flute works very well. I agree with the others on the drums.....not so much that they come in and out, but that the timing is not in the pocket.
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Eddie--
This is a very beautiful song--It reminds me of Fred Waring arrangements, we used to do in church--It may be the best I've heard from you!
Good luck!
Mackie
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Hey all!
I've posted a version without drums, let me know if you like it with no percussion.
Thanks,
steady-eddie.
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Hey Colin,
Why didn't you mention this when you did the bass track for this song?? I'm actually thinking perhaps no percussion as Mac suggested, I'm going to try that and think on the percussion.
Thanks, as always.
steady-eddie.
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Ed,
I thought about it, but it was a work in progress at the time so I didn't want to be critical.
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Hey all!
I've posted a version without drums, let me know if you like it with no percussion.
Thanks,
steady-eddie. There you go , sounds good ! I enjoyed the listen and performance . All the best Jan
"You have to react to what's around you in the moment, whatever the music is. Just think of it as some place you have to enter and you need to find the key."
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dang Eddie,soundcloud no go for me,do ya have another link?Mike
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This has a nice retro vibe to it. I really love the lyric. It is very honest and I very much in synch with some of my own spiritual struggles. I liked the piano sound in particular. I did not hear the version with drums/percussion but hearing this makes me think that it is the type of song that does not need them anyway.
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Hi Eddie, For me this lyric is really nice I am also enjoying the sound. good job.
Irwin
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Hey Eddie,
I didn't hear the version with drums but I don't think you need them anyway, hearing this. Then again, depending on the drum pattern I might change my mind. I like it musically, especially the flute and the flavor the piano brings to it.
Lyrically I also don't like the disdain line or maybe that one word as I understand it, so I looked it up for sure.
verb (used with object) 1. to look upon or treat with contempt; despise; scorn. 2. to think unworthy of notice, response, etc.; consider beneath oneself: to disdain replying to an insult.
noun 3. a feeling of contempt for anything regarded as unworthy; haughty contempt; scorn.
I don't think God looks at us that way when we fall away. Maybe disappointment as we would our own children but still with love and understanding.
Think of Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son. The son was self absorbed to the point of wanting his inheritance in advance of his father's death, then went away and spent all his inheritance on "wild" living. He hired himself out to a man who had him feed the swine (remember, he is a Jew)and then famine hits the land. He has nothing to eat and wishes he could just eat what the pigs eat but no one gave him anything.
So he decides to go home and hire himself out to his father as a servant, feeling he is not worthy of being part of the family. But how does the father react? He sees him coming in the distance (giving the impression that he looked for his return constantly). He then runs (runs) to his son, throws his arms around him and kisses him. In those times this has more significance than today in our culture.
The son says he knows that he has sinned both against Heaven and his father and that he's no longer worthy of be called his son. This brings us full circle to your premise. But the father has his servants bring the best robe, a ring for his finger, (representing being part of that family, another custom that meant more for that culture)kill the fatted calf and have a celebration feast. He declares that his son was dead but lives again, was lost but is found.
Actually it is the brother who stayed behind who is the villain in the story for the way he reacted but I won't go into all of that here.
Anyway, does that fit the definition or description of disdain? I understand people who have fallen away from God feeling that way. I have. The son did. But that's not how the father, a representation of God the Father in the parable felt about his son and his return.
It's also useful to read what proceeds this parable and what was going on to get the reason Jesus told it in the first place. Jesus was eating with sinners and tax collectors and the Pharisees and Scribes confronted him. He gives two story/examples of how God and Heaven rejoice whenever just one sinner repents and comes back to God.
The feelings expressed in the song, those of contrition and sorrow for past behavior are reminiscent of many of David's psalms so that part rings true. But God doesn't feel that way about us. Now he did in the OT seem to toward the some of the people of Israel as a group, particularly during the Exodus from Egypt but those people rebelled and felt no sorrow until they were judged. Other passages throughout the OT depict God as loving the nation of Israel and welcoming them back continuously even though the people had sinned.
Anyway, I'm sure you get the point I'm making. I know you and I and most people universally feel the way the singer does and that's a good thing but maybe something in the bridge that reflects the love of God as it really is. I dunno. I've spouted off long enough and hope this doesn't spark off a theological debate on your song thread, lol. I'm certainly not trying to preach here, just clarify.
Other than that one point (as lengthy as I made it) you've got a good one, especially musically.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Thanks Colin, I just wanted to give you a bit of a rough time, but don't be shy with an old friend before I post....
Wendy, thanks, and I think you're right!
Irwin, thanks much as well!
steady-eddie.
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Stevie,
You're being a bit vague. Please take a little more time to express your point..............ok, I'm kidding you.
It seems to me Jesus was furious with the Pharisees when they were exchanging money within the temple. Both Jesus and God are demonstrated to express anger as well as love within the Bible. When God created the great flood and let it rain for forty days and forty nights, that was pretty serious "scorn/contempt/ which demonstrated how He felt the Israelites were unworthy of his blessings on Earth. "Unworthy" is the very feeling that this man feels, and he expects God's disdain. There surely are more examples of a "loving/forgiving God" in the new testament for sure, I'll grant you that. But you can find in the Bible just about every emotion (wrath & love) concerning God almighty and examples that would support my lyric and examples that do not depending on the circumstance. I feel as this song's songwriter, (and this is a fictional write) that this person's perception is what it is, not what (YOU) or (I) feel God is feeling or what He might feel. (ie. It's how "John Doe" felt within his circumstance and how he surmised God's feelings to be in this particular scenario).
Thanks much Stevie for your "slant" and perception, and you do have point technically that it may not be the best choice of words, but it fits for me, so I will take your perspective into into consideration! Thanks for the kind words at the very end!
steady-eddie.
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ahhh, the percussion discussion.. yeah, it flows on it's own without the drums......the rythm is best implied with a song like this...to my ears anyway. I didn't mean to make you lose any sleep there, Eddie.....heh heh. now it speaks to me with no distraction, well done.
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Mackie,
Thanks for the spin and nice comment! You must have squeezed in there before I noticed your were there!
Calvin,
Glad you like this version better--you guys were right! Therefore I'm retiring from songwriting...............
steady-eddie.
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Mac,
Thanks for the follow-up--a sign of a good critic!
steady-eddie.
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thanx for sending me this in the email!I like this Eddie,cool vocals and a wonderful song.Soundcloud says something about me needing a new or updated browser,i guess that's whats been keeping me from hearing anything.I do need to fix it since they're gettin' 6 hard earned bucks a month from me.Mike
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I like it without drums, but I do think that the right percussion would work. The drums you had were a distraction rather than being additive. I seem to remember there being a drum issue with another one of your songs when the drums were not really in time with the music. Maybe you should march to the beat of a different drummer.
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Colin,
I agree about it sounds better (without) the this particular drum track and also know that several types of percussion style would work as well. I may throw a few light cymbal hits in with plug-ins, not sure.
I was experimenting and striving for a "unique" and more contemporary percussion track--and probably was a little guilty of rationalizing that track as well. I also remember the issue last year on a song in which we discussed where I had a drum track that had a few beats off, but more so it wasn't aligned correctly which would have been more my fault--don't remember if it was the same drummer however. I have been guilty of inadvertently mis-aligning a track. I'm still learning and hopefully improving with my DAW software with every song I produce and engineer for sure.
Thanks for popping back in for a follow up. I've marched to the beat of a different drum all my life--but you know that!
steady-eddie.
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http://soundcloud.com/steady-eddie This is a first for me as far as writing a spiritual song. I wrote this song about three years ago--just now getting it produced. I wanted to write a song that was spiritual, but more in a personal way--I think many could relate to this circumstance. I wanted to give credit to Whitney Kneffler for her first flute session piece, though a small part of the song, I thought the flute depicted the lonely mood well. "CAN YOU CATCH MY SOUL" - music/lyrics: eswartz Intro -- piano/flute Vs. 1 Can You catch my soul; I think I’ve lost control Countless days, and restless nights, They all take their toll Vs. 2 If I kneel and pray, would You listen today Guardian angels help me find my path, Will You lead the way Ch. “Now I lay myself down to sleep, I pray to God for my soul to keep” I used to say those words, every night, (tag) “every night” I can’t remember the rest of the prayer; I used to say it at the top of the stairs Then I would fall asleep, safe and sound, (tag) “safe and sound” Vs. 3 If I share my pain, would You have me again? Would You fill my heart with joy, Could You temper Your disdain? (Brdg) Fly so high, my spirit’s all alone and cold, where is Your cloak,and where is the light, Can You catch my soul (Instrumental -- flute solo) (Repeat chorus) Vs. 4 Can You catch my soul, Will You take control? I really need a second chance; For only You can make me whole (Outro) Instrumental piano/flute I love the vocal quality Very 70's singer songwriterish. Some parts remind me of desperado by the eagles. The chorus doesnt feel like a chorus, it feels more like a B section after the two A sections. It's very enjoyable, just pointing that out. I think your structure is AABACA I like the bridge. My favorite part is the vocal doubling on the final catch my soul, Id experiment with doing that all the way through. Also like the piano outtro. Good stuff.
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Maybe a shaker as percussion, Eddie.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Hey Bugsey,
I did experiment with doubling in several places and all the way through. I liked it in a few other places, but after listening back, I decided it sounded and felt to be more of a personal dialog between himself and God by keeping the vox not doubled throughout the song. Having it at the end then, for me, seemed to dramatize his plea a bit more and add a little build.
Thanks for the listen and the comments!
steady-eddie.
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Stevie,
I did try that originally before the other percussion--I didn't thing about yet again--I may experiment, but I'm not sure a consistent percussion would be the best--I usually like shakers when I want to accentuate rhythm--but I'll give it a try! I'm thinking a few subtle cymbal rolls as well. Thanks for the follow-up!
steady-eddie.
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http://soundcloud.com/steady-eddie This is a first for me as far as writing a spiritual song. I wrote this song about three years ago--just now getting it produced. I wanted to write a song that was spiritual, but more in a personal way--I think many could relate to this circumstance. I wanted to give credit to Whitney Kneffler for her first flute session piece, though a small part of the song, I thought the flute depicted the lonely mood well. "CAN YOU CATCH MY SOUL" - music/lyrics: eswartz I remember hearing this song but can not recall if I critiqued it before through maybe email? My memory fails me but I do remember the song so here goes- I did not hear the one with drums but I do know I like this version and the flute is very niceIntro -- piano/flute Vs. 1 Can You catch my soul; I think I’ve lost control Countless days, and restless nights, They all take their toll Vs. 2 If I kneel and pray, would You listen today Guardian angels help me find my path, - not sure if you are still tweaking lyrics or not but I will offer my input. This line seems to catch slightly on the guardian, it seems and feels a lot longer than the same line in verse 1- not sure what could be done about it...perhaps- guardian angels guide my path Will You lead the way Ch. “Now I lay myself down to sleep, I pray to God for my soul to keep”-- would this not be I pray the Lord my soul to keep if you are going with the original lullaby? I used to say those words, every night, (tag) “every night” I can’t remember the rest of the prayer; I used to say it at the top of the stairs- I feel this leads me to think of the child sleeping on the stairs..I wonder if it might work better to say something like--I said in my room at the top of the stairs Then I would fall asleep, safe and sound, (tag) “safe and sound” Vs. 3 If I share my pain, would You have me again? Would You fill my heart with joy, Could You temper Your disdain? I am like Stevie, not wild about this line but I can understand your point too Ed, that as the human you are explaining how you feel that GOD is feeling towards you, like sometimes we might say I know God must hate me, but He does not and never can but with our human feelings, it is how we might react to situations so we think He does too. I feel the word is a little bit too "uptown" for this lyric which is more heartfelt and raw and to me this word along with temper, seems more like a songwriter words but not one we would maybe say in prayer..just my take on it but it is up to you of course.
(Brdg) Fly so high, my spirit’s all alone and cold,- I am not sure I get the image of fly so high when it seems you are far from flying...just a thought where is Your cloak,and where is the light, Can You catch my soul (Instrumental -- flute solo) (Repeat chorus) Vs. 4 Can You catch my soul, Will You take control? I really need a second chance; For only You can make me whole (Outro) Instrumental piano/flute I had just a few lyrical tweak ideas, to consider but this turned out really pretty. well done Ed!! Kimberly
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Hi Kim!
I thank-you for stopping in. Yes, I think you saw a rough version of this song months back on FB.
I think most of your sugs are valid and would probably work as well. I see a couple that would be an options perhaps but none that I would re-do the song for.
But I'll give you my take on those spots. - with "guardian angels help," the timing is fine there for prosody with 1/8 notes and I don't want to lose the word "help," as it feels more personal/passionate than guide.
I've heard the prayer said both ways--I wrote it the way I said it as a kid. I like the physical image of the kid at the top of the stairs--this person is reflecting back to his childhood when he remembered the words well and the security of being "tucked in." This image was one that I remembered from my own childhood, and I picture the staircase in my mind that I haven't seen in 50 years.
For the disdain line, I think those that are devoutly religious will always personally disagree here perhaps on how God would feel more than an average religious person--this is just how I envisioned this particular scenario--I didn't want to exude the concept that he would be forgiven so easily, (not saying he wouldn't) but he feels anguish not joy in this song, and not that he's humbly concerned about being taken back into the flock--being forgiven, that's another story!
"Fly so high," I wanted the Bridge not just to musically digress, but also lyrically. This is an "expressionistic" Bridge which symbolizes that our Spirit can soar once in the arms of God and seeing the light we all know that expression.
Hope these explanations help--and this is just my expressions of this circumstance, I think your ideas are sound and would also make good lyrics, maybe better! I'm comfortable with what I have at this juncture but will always consider your ideas--(and I'm very capable of making late changes as you well know).
Thanks as always,
steady-eddie.
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Eddy,
I must have missed the version with the drums... What I'm hearing now sounds good to my ears! Beautiful song!
Tom
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Very pretty, Eddie. You did a wonderful job with both the music and the vocal
Bill
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Tom, -- Thanks much for the comments. You didn't miss much Tom! I was trying to be creative, and it just wasn't working well--I had the drummer arrested however! (actually we were just experimenting a bit)
Bill -- A thumbs up from you is always a plus!
steady-eddie.
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Hi Eddie,
I needed a spiritual treat! And what a beautiful one I found!
Lisa
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eddie,
Nice to see a song from you!
I thought a couple of the same things that Kim touched on - but you have addressed them all to her...
What a beautiful vocal performance!!!
The flute, guitars and piano are ALL nicely performed and recorded. I especially like the balance of the piano against the flute solo in the middle. Nice harmonies, too.
Love the ending (did you play the piano?)
floyd
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Jan,
My apology for not getting back with you in order--I thought I had. I feel it is important to get back with those that comment, and especially in a timely fashion--thanks for the thumbs up!
steady-eddie.
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Hi Lisa--always glad to hear from you, I'm glad you liked it!
Floyd, thanks for coming around as well, you're right, I don't post often--not easy balancing my time and my activities! Thanks for the kind words!
steady-eddie.
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Once I wrote a spiritually inspired song. One of the lyrics asked the lord to illuminate my mind. I was fortunate to have Ralph Murphy critique it. As soon as he heard that line he paused the CD and said, “Loose that, nobody talks that way”. “Could you temper your disdain? Hit me the same way.
I read about the drum track removed. Wish I could have heard it. I would like to have the song build more, instrument wise, as it progresses. It was just a bit too bare bones all the way through.
Nicely written and well performed.
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Hey Iggy,
Thanks for stopping in for a spin.
I get what you are saying a bit with that line, but from my experience with spiritual music/church hymns etc., there are many songs that use very specific words for specific circumstances for concise description purposes. Finding key words that rhyme and work is part of "lyric art" especially with a more serious subject. I just really like the specific point with this line and feel it is a poignant statement about a serious perception from this person's view of his circumstance. I've addressed this, so no need to be redundant on my part--and you may be right with your assessment!
Thanks again, oh yea, I may come back with a few cymbal taps or accent thumps--I like this song being fairly sparse as I feel it's really about the vocals musically expressing this very personal song. I'd love to hear a more powerful singer like Josh Grobin sing this one.
steady-eddie.
Last edited by E Swartz; 08/24/14 09:50 AM.
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Eddie,
I try not to comment on religious songs of any sort, but I do like your melody and the vocal, very expressive. I am happy there were no drums, I didn't feel they were needed. Nice sound.
Tammy
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Hi Tammy,
Thanks for checking this song out and your kind thoughts. I'm like you, as sometimes I don't always wear my thoughts on my sleeve within public forums for sure concerning topics such as religion or politics. However, this song certainly isn't promoting any biased feelings with respect to religion; it's just a perceived circumstance between this person and God.
steady-eddie.
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Nice one Eddie, smooth, nice voice too. Used to pray that every night when I was a kid too, It worked
http://www.soundclick.com/louistwinn"If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away." Thoreau
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Louis,
Thank-you for your thoughts--keep prayin!
steady-eddie.
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Steady-eddie, Sorry, I'm a little late to the table but I do want to say this is a very cool song and as you said, very easy to relate to. It's very prayer-like, you really should try more spiritual type songs, I suspect you have much worth sharing. Thanks for the reflection, Skip
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Hi Eddie , I have not heard the percussion version, I don't want to , this version is so plaintiff and beautiful I can't imagine drums at all. Wonderful little piece of writing! Doug
Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em... Grace..Peace...Love
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This is a captivating song. A spiritual song sans proselytising -- I like that and IMHO they are difficult to write. Everything works for me. I particularly like v3 and the bridge. Looking forward to playing this for Janice later today.
Check out our new album Janice Merritt "Am I Blue Enough?" on Spotify, Apple Music, Pandora, Amazon and others.
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Skip,
Thanks for the spin--I wanted it to feel like you were hearing someone's personal prayer, but with a little incite to this person's feelings his plight or circumstance--glad you got it!
Doug,
I was very pleased to see you show up, as much of your music is inspirational--thanks!
Janice/Bud,
I really appreciate your sentiments and especially appreciation for verse three--my favorite too, might be cause I relate more than I want to admit!
steady-eddie.
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