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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Lamb.wavv
by Gary E. Andrews - 06/05/26 04:07 PM
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Joined: Jul 2011
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Hi all...I've got a new tune, and would love some feedback. The recording is dismal...sorry....I can't seem to find the time or energy to record all the tunes I've got in mind. If you can some how look past the recording, I'd be thankful. Thanks in advance......-Tom Turn Off These Lights By Tom Tognaci http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=12366111I’m sleeping with the lights on I keep the radio on ‘Cause I can’t stand this empty room You once wrote, your leaving And all the pain I’m grieving Will be behind me, one day soon” But, still I can’t forget you No matter how I try I wish I could forget you And turn off these lights Most nights, I’m up all hours Wondering if she’s ours Was that new baby in your plan? Now, I know I’ve been drinking But, how long were you thinking I was more a tool, than your man? And, still I can’t forget you No matter how I try I wish I could forget you And turn off these lights Thoughts bump in the night, they circle me like a starving shark While memories, of her, bite at me from the dark……. ……and so, I’m sleeping with the lights on I keep the radio on ‘Cause I can’t stand this empty room Your favorite song keeps playing And, while it’s just me saying I’d swear I’m smelling your perfume ‘Cause, still I can’t forget you No matter how I try I wish I could forget you And turn off these lights
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Tom--
I really dig this song--It has a fine melody--
I wish I had written this one--
You can always improve the recording--THE MAIN THING IS, YOU GOT IT LAID DOWN--
Good luck finishing this one up!
Write on--
Mackie
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sounds like the makings of a mighty fine song, interesting story and nice acoustic guitar.
you may want to edit the lyrics, though, imho some parts are just too cliche-d, and the chorus may work better (just an idea) if you were a tiny bit less direct:
And, still I can’t take the emptiness
No matter how I try
I wish I could forget you
And turn off these lights
Raggy
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Hi Tom, Good to see you and with another cool performance too, good job all around. Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Always good to hear ya sing and play Tom!I like this one a lot.Mike
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Very nice performance Tom.
Just a couple of sugs from my point of view.
I don't think this line works:
"You once wrote, your leaving"
It doesn't seem to belong to what follows or what comes before.
It's maybe there just for rhyming sake.
You could change to something like
"This darkness that I'm seeing"
Also not keen on the use of the word "tool" in V2.
Don't know why but it just seems to harsh a word to me.
That could just be a personal opinion though.
Vic
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Hey Tom!
What an adorable pic of "Daddy & Daughter," I really miss my little girl being that age--she'll be 14 in a few weeks--yikes!
"Hey-mon, I'm-a-diggn' your groove here"--very nice indeed! I know your recording is raw, but like I was reading in another forum a couple days ago where Mike Dunbar made an excellent point that I agree with whole-heartedly: -- (to the effect of) "I'd rather hear an interesting song with good melody in a raw or un-sophisticated state, than a professional polished production that lacks interest or good melody." You and this song are a great example of that statement--beautiful song-mon!
When reading the lyrics first before listening, I was getting Raggy's point about perhaps a slight redundancy with the line (I wish I could forget you,) but I think you are ok there, as you are basically "reinforcing" your feelings -- which is key with the song's theme -- and that line may even make a "better or more appropriate title," given that, it really is the song's "theme," "not being able to turn off the lights," is a "symptom" of the song's theme. Changing the title, no question would be more "trite," saying "I Wish I Could Forget You," but "it is what it is."
One thought on that line: I would make sure though that the 2nd time you "repeat" that line at the end of the chorus that you add a bit more "desperation" in your voice to emphasize the reinforcement of that repeated line, rather than just stating the same thought over again--that's where you tug at our "heart-strings!
I'm impressed and enjoyed your genuine emotion that came through with your vocals--very good raw recording!
steady-eddie.
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I really liked it Tom....Good Job!!!!!
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Nice Tune Tom, keep working on this one. a lot of good feed back above. I really like what you have working here. btw your vox sound excellent.
doug
Last edited by Doug Healey; 06/14/13 06:11 PM.
Learn all the musical rules inside and out- Then break 'em...
Grace..Peace...Love
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Hey loved the guitar riff and the vocals. The melody was nice as well but part of the chorus reminds me of Suzanne Vega's Marlene on the wall for some reason.
Could hear it with a bigger production.
Thanks for the listen! It was nice!
Rich
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-Hey there Mackie..........thanks for stopping by and leaving an encourging word!!
-Hi Raggy....nice to meet you, and thank you very much for listening and commenting. Cliche's...yea....I'm working on that!
-And Hi to you to, as well, Calvin...as always ;-)
-Tom
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Hey Tom,
Great job!! This one took me away. The flow and changes in your melody are spot on and magical. The guitar work was also fantastic.
It kind of put me in the presence of an upbeat Lenard Cohen, or maybe even a mellower bit of Mott in the post Ian Hunter days.
Best Days,
Bryan
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-Hi Michael........always nice to hear from you...thanks for the kind words!!
-And thank you, as well, Vic...
..."You once wrote, your leaving"
It doesn't seem to belong to what follows or what comes before.
It's maybe there just for rhyming sake.
You could change to something like
"This darkness that I'm seeing"
It makes sence to me, Vic....but,could it be the bad grammer I am using to fit this lyric within the melody? I can see where it could leave you scratching your head ;-)
Thanks, Vic....I'm am going to look at this more closely before I rerecord this!!
-
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Maybe so Tom.
I'm sure you'll figure it out.
You have the talent.
Vic
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Hey Tom!
What an adorable pic of "Daddy & Daughter," I really miss my little girl being that age--she'll be 14 in a few weeks--yikes!
"Hey-mon, I'm-a-diggn' your groove here"--very nice indeed! I know your recording is raw, but like I was reading in another forum a couple days ago where Mike Dunbar made an excellent point that I agree with whole-heartedly: -- (to the effect of) "I'd rather hear an interesting song with good melody in a raw or un-sophisticated state, than a professional polished production that lacks interest or good melody." You and this song are a great example of that statement--beautiful song-mon!
When reading the lyrics first before listening, I was getting Raggy's point about perhaps a slight redundancy with the line (I wish I could forget you,) but I think you are ok there, as you are basically "reinforcing" your feelings -- which is key with the song's theme -- and that line may even make a "better or more appropriate title," given that, it really is the song's "theme," "not being able to turn off the lights," is a "symptom" of the song's theme. Changing the title, no question would be more "trite," saying "I Wish I Could Forget You," but "it is what it is."
One thought on that line: I would make sure though that the 2nd time you "repeat" that line at the end of the chorus that you add a bit more "desperation" in your voice to emphasize the reinforcement of that repeated line, rather than just stating the same thought over again--that's where you tug at our "heart-strings!
I'm impressed and enjoyed your genuine emotion that came through with your vocals--very good raw recording!
steady-eddie. Thanks Steady eddie for some much to think about......The title was giving me a little grief, and so I settled on the last line of the chorus. And thanks sooo much for the encourging remarks toeards the writing.....I really appreciate it!! -Tom
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Great song Tom. Really. Love the lyrics...all of them. Maybe nothing profound but VERY well put together. Great melodies keep this interesting and the length is perfect imo. With a fuller production I could see it slightly longer but probably not by much. I like the "tool" line. It IS strong to be sure and it stands out to me. It's cool when everything is just smooth and working and then to throw that where it is is really good. I dont like it if it's overdone like your trying to shock us at every line but that one there is well done imo. I suppose some would think it a stretch but I can imagine the man feeling that way too so it works for me. (I'm rambling) By the way the mix sucks.  (but you overcome that by miles!) Ricky
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Great song Tom. Really. Love the lyrics...all of them. Maybe nothing profound but VERY well put together. Great melodies keep this interesting and the length is perfect imo. With a fuller production I could see it slightly longer but probably not by much. I like the "tool" line. It IS strong to be sure and it stands out to me. It's cool when everything is just smooth and working and then to throw that where it is is really good. I dont like it if it's overdone like your trying to shock us at every line but that one there is well done imo. I suppose some would think it a stretch but I can imagine the man feeling that way too so it works for me. (I'm rambling) By the way the mix sucks. (but you overcome that by miles!) Ricky Thanks Ricky, for stopping by and lending an ear. And thanks for voicing your opinion on the "Tool" word. A couple of people have pointed that word out, and didn't feel comfortable with it. I guess, if I were to have another singer perform this....they might feel odd refering to themself as a "tool". But, I don't have that problem. And like you noted...one could easily feel that way, given that circumstance. And what's a mix???....I like my 1+1's shaken...not stirred! Thanks again!! -Tom
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