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#107 - 12/28/00 03:25 AM Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Eric Landes Offline
Casual Observer
Eric Landes  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Hey all ...
just found this site - pretty cool!
I personally find it difficult to critique a lyric w/no melody - just the same I'd be curious to hear some opinions on the lyrics of this tune ...

TALK ABOUT LOVE
Eric Landes
(c) 2000

I was a pitiful,sorry excuse for a man
I was someone with no-one to call a friend
Carefully planning out my next failed attempt
At whatever it might be I thought I dreamt

I was a Yo-Yo who didn't know up from down
I was that guy that no-one wants around
Sure that I had somehow missed my ship when it came in
Always wonderin' out loud "Where could I have been?"

CHORUS
But talk about your miracles
Talk about your outta the blues
Talk about your lucky for me's
'Cause baby then I found you
Talk about your "Whoa that was close"
And talk about your Holy Ghost
Talk about somebody comin' from somewhere up above
Talk about love
Talk about love

It was a simple undeniable elementary fact
I had taken a wrong turn somewhere & was never coming back
Lost in something I had wanted somewhere back in time
Too late to turn around & change my mind

It was a hopeless,helpless place to be
I laid there wishin' I was anyone else but me
Running out of reasons to pick myself back up
Running out of everything but a run of bad luck

CHORUSX2

Happy Holidays!!!

#108 - 12/28/00 12:08 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
Kaley Willow Offline
Kaley Willow  Offline

Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 10,240
PA
Eric, I really like this...several good
lines imo. I see some spots where I would
add a word or delete a few for flow.....
see what you think (with your music)
i.e., first verse .3rd line...I drop out..
next line I'd add had between I dreamt.
next verse....3rd line.I'd put my ship coming in. see what others think.....

Kaley

#109 - 12/28/00 09:19 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Char Offline
Serious Contributor
Char  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 286
Atl. Ga.
Hi Eric,
I love this. The chorus is fab. I don't know what your music is, but I'm hearing it in a funky/blues groove. Well done.

#110 - 12/28/00 10:18 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Judy Hollier Offline
Top 200 Poster
Judy Hollier  Offline
Top 200 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,232
Sydney, Australia
Hi Eric, I'm hearing it the same as Char, and there's nothing I could suggest to improve what you've done, especially if you already have the music, and everything fits. Great job, like it a lot. Let's see some more...

#111 - 12/29/00 05:00 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Eric Landes Offline
Casual Observer
Eric Landes  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Kaley,Char&Judy ...

Wow! Its good to hear such positive replies - publishers aren't quite so quick to say encouraging things. I'm beginning to think it's all just a big game of who you know!

Kaley ... I put that "had" in the 4th line of the first verse - it sounds good - the rest that you mentioned I think you'd have to hear the music I have. Poor phrasing is one of my biggest critiques in songs - I really try hard not to rush lines or get way out of meter.

Thanks again for your time & insight!

#113 - 12/31/00 04:11 AM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11
Jeanne Dowdle Offline
Casual Observer
Jeanne Dowdle  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11
Hartsel, CO 80449
Hi Eric,
I'm late comin' in, but I like what you have so far... I think a bridge would bring it full circle. Had a great time playing with the rythm (how DO you spell that?) of the lines. Maybe recheck the wordage of the end of the chorus to the first half of V2 "..somebody comin' from somewhere..." "wrong turn somewhere.." "Lost in something I had wanted somewhere..." But then Lyle Lovett gets away with stuff like that and it works...How's the music/arrangement?

------------------
Jean


Jean
#114 - 12/31/00 08:39 AM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Eric Landes Offline
Casual Observer
Eric Landes  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3
Hey guys ... just sittin' here smoking a cigarette & eatin' some almonds (gave one to my dog but she spit it out)- just got off work bartending (which I do until I, ya know, "make it") So I'm wishing that we were all sitting in a room with our guitars so we could actually HEAR each others songs - I mean "She loves me yeah yeah yeah" ... kinda hard to see the genius in that in arial font huh?!?
Anyway, I truly appreciate the time, thought & insight y'all have given to mine and everyone else's labors of love.
It's easy to feel like you're swimming around in a shipwreck sometimes ...

Jean, I grew up in Ft. Collins, CO - been in Nashville about 2 years now. Regarding the groove/ rythym (how DO you spell that?) it's very deliberate & broken through the verses and then opens up in the chorus - very Lyle Lovett esqu (how the hell do you spell THAT?) Not like I could really describe it without tabs but oh well!!!
I DO think you're right about the "wrong turn somewhere" line - workin' on that - the other lines you mentioned somehow fit with the tune.
Happy New Year!!!

#115 - 12/31/00 12:16 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Sharon Longworth Offline
Top 100 Poster
Sharon Longworth  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Stuart, FL
Hmmm.....I think it's rhythm. Yeah...that's the way it goes [Linked Image] Happy New Year!

#116 - 12/31/00 12:22 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Sharon Longworth Offline
Top 100 Poster
Sharon Longworth  Offline
Top 100 Poster

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 2,918
Stuart, FL
Me Again....just wonderin' if you are tendin' bar down by Tootsie's, Legend's, et al. I get to Nashville once in awhile and usually stop by all of them to see what's going on. Was there this past May/June.

#117 - 12/31/00 02:10 PM Re: Talk About Love  
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 167
Chris Dasch Offline
Serious Contributor
Chris Dasch  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 167
Texas
Hi Eric, good start on this one. If you're living in Nashville, you outta know by now that your lyric has to reflect what the singer would want to identify with/or be identified with.

My suggestion would be to rewrite this one in second person, and then in third person to see if it might work more to your advantage. Rewrites of this nature generally turn up some pretty good alternatives. It will probably give you fits in the chorus, but will also allow you to maybe expand the thoughts and feeling into something even stronger.

Give it a go and see what develops. Good luck and keep pluggin'.

Chris

#1120701 - 12/08/16 03:35 PM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Jim Colyer Offline
Top 30 Poster
Jim Colyer  Offline
Top 30 Poster

Joined: Jun 2006
Posts: 7,712
Nashville, Tennessee usa
The perfect lyric. It starts out bad and ends up good.

#1120757 - 12/09/16 05:18 PM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63
TheRebelMillenial Offline
Serious Contributor
TheRebelMillenial  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63
Compared to other songs I saw from you and from reading everyone else's feedback, despite having not much to say as an under-experienced lyricist, this definitely has the complexity where you need to hear the song to see if it works. It could use a bridge and needs to have more of a structured rhythm you can follow right away. Just curious if you can get the feel from the somewhat-catchy hook of my latest song, and you can critique if you feel like it:

http://www.jpfolks.com/forum/ubbthreads.php/topics/1120712/all-we-have-is-now.html#Post1120712

Do you have a useful mp3 I can hear from a link that's on your webpage?
thanks

Best,
Chelsea


Art is the journey of a free soul.
-Alev Oguz

I'm not big on songwriting but I love making fine art/digital graphics.
http://www.chelsealambcreative.com

#1121623 - 12/29/16 01:15 AM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 18
funmitimo Offline
Casual Observer
funmitimo  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 18
I love your chorus and your choice of words except the word
talk about your holy ghost is the only line that does not sound right to me.

#1137089 - 02/14/18 01:17 AM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,520
Brian Austin Whitney Online content
Brian Austin Whitney  Online Content


Top 10 Poster

Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 18,520
Indianapolis, IN USA
Hi Eric!


Brian Austin Whitney
Founder
Just Plain Folks
jpfolkspro@aol.com
Skype: Brian Austin Whitney
Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks

"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney

"It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..."

[Linked Image]
#1137098 - 02/14/18 06:22 AM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Alanjack Offline
Serious Contributor
Alanjack  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
I think that a lot of us hit this stage sometime in our life, its a good story-line, nice work.


Just a writer of words
#1137285 - 02/16/18 11:33 AM Re: Talk About Love [Re: Eric Landes]  
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 220
John Paragreen Offline
Serious Contributor
John Paragreen  Offline
Serious Contributor

Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 220
Scotland
Hi, I like the idea/ title,but I'd like see more imagery in the lines, from line one the singer has shown all his cards imo,
kind like
I went from a mustang to a stolen bike, etc etc,
good chorus,
all the best,john


please vist
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/pagemusic.cfm?bandID=429802
to hear my lyrics recorded by musicians world wide

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