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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Dec 2016
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HI, all:
A lyric that's been around a while that I just couldn't quite finish--but finally pretty close. It's a long tune, I know, but it is what it is. I'm working on a few other tunes right now, so it might take me a while to do something with this one. So, figured I'd post the lyrics for some feedback before I mess with it more. Thanks in advance for your comments.
All the best,
Deej
Prayer to the World
(V) We keep moving sideways down all these highways just searching for someplace to be. Through all our travels we’ve warred and we’ve battled— maybe it’s time we made our peace.
(PC) We’ve gotta open our arms to the light of the living or let what’s dying die. Don’t be alarmed by by our doubts and our misgivings— it’s so easy, love, to never try.
(C) We’ve got to set our sights on the light shining over all the mad things we do. You say you’ve got your demons, well, I’ve got demons too— Say a prayer to the world that there’s a chance for forgiveness; a prayer to the world, there’s some light still within us; a prayer to the world, there’s still hope of love for me and you.
(V) We drove through the tension, while every sense of connection, just scattered like leaves in the wind. We found comfort in strangers well-aware of the danger of losing ourselves in the end.
(PC) We’ve got to open our eyes to the price of commitment and make a choice to choose. Don’t be surprised by the strength of our resistance to it— it’s harder, love, to win than lose.
(C) We’ve got to set our sights on the light shining over all the mad things we do. You say you’ve got your reasons, well, I’ve got reasons too— Say a prayer to the world that there’s a chance for forgiveness, a prayer to the world, there’s some light still within us, a prayer to the world, there’s still hope of love for me and you.
(B) Let’s walk on out from this weight on our shoulders. Let’s figure out how a true love can bloom.
(C) We’ve got to set our sights on the light shining over all the mad things we do. You say you’ve got your demons, well, I’ve got demons too— Say a prayer to the world that there’s a chance for forgiveness, a prayer to the world, there’s some light still within us, a prayer to the world, there’s still hope of love for me and you.
(c)2018 DJ Lekich
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Joined: Jun 2011
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Hi Deej Quite a long lyric as said. As a suggestion i'd cut the chorus down. I think 11 lines is a tad too many. Good message Best of luck with it Travis
(C) We’ve got to set our sights on the light shining over all the mad things we do. You say you’ve got your demons, well, I’ve got demons too— Say a prayer to the world a prayer to the world there’s still hope of love for me and you.
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jan 2006
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Hi Deej,
I enjoyed this thoughtful piece!
I was thinking maybe you should replace "we've got to" with "let's." "We've got to" seems a little too tense or forceful, like the singer is trying too hard to dictate how things will go.
In the first verse, I thought that the third line should have a bigger payoff than the line you have there. "We keep moving sideways/down all of these highways" .... it doesn't seem like the end result of that should be "just looking for someplace to be." It seems like if you're moving sideways down a highway, then maybe you're trying to avoid a crash, or avoid touching or, as it suggests, avoiding moving forward. I don't know ... I guess looking for someplace to be could also be the end result of that, but it seems like that third line could bring it together in a more memorable way!
Also in verse one, I think that saying we've "warred" and "battled" are the same thing, so maybe change that up a little?
I wonder, too, if the chorus should have some very subtle driving reference, since the rest of the song has driving references.
A small thing ... in verses one and two, I don't think you need the word "just" in either place.
I bet it's going to be a lovely song!
Lisa
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Joined: Nov 2010
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Before I'd read Lisa's comment on "warred" and "battled" I thought the same thing. A sugg below:
(V) We keep moving sideways down all these highways just searching for someplace to be. Through all our travels worn and scarred from the battles— maybe it’s time we made our peace.
Maybe it needs a trim, maybe not. Depends how it sounds when sung.
Vic.
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Thanks, Travis, for the read and feedback. Yeah, the length of this may be an issue. I'm estimating it comes in at a tad over 4:30, and that's if I keep it moving. While what I've labelled as the chorus is 11 lines, it's actually two distinct melodies therein. That is, the first 5 lines of the chorus are almost a separate pre-chourus, I guess, if that makes sense.
Anyways, I'm inclined to lay it down musically and see how it works before cutting back on the chorus, particularly as the repetition of "prayer to the world" is kinda key, at least for me.
Appreciate the spot-on comment--I'll just have to see how it works out.
Kind regards,
Deej
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Joined: Dec 2016
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Lisa and Vic--appreciate the comments immensely--very thoughtful!
Lisa, great comment on "we've got to" . . . I totally get what you are saying. Thing is, I think I need those three syllables, and "Let's" by itself doesn't quite work (I've actually played the song a couple of times and tried it). How about a compromise: "We ought to"? Also a great comment on "someplace to be". Not sure I've got an answer on that--maybe something I have to live with, but I'll keep giving it some thought.
Lisa and Vic: Great call on the "warred and battled" line--quite honestly, I didn't focus on the redundancy (and part of me is loathe to give it up, because it fits so well with the next line). But right is right. Vic, thanks for leading me down the right path--leaning towards "We've been scarred by our battles" or "We've scarred ourselves in our battles". I'll play with it some, but it will change when I get around to recording this.
Thanks to both of you for the thoughtful feedback. It's very much appreciated.
My best to both of you,
Deej
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