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#1140826 - 05/17/18 12:34 AM Sweet Lorelei  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Deej56  Online Content
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HI, all:

Hereís my latest venture. Mostly, it's an experiment for me in playing with and recording vocals and harmonies. Iíve really only tried recording harmonies on one song before. This one seemed ripe for some vocal layers, and so here's where I've gone with it. The not so great lead guitar and riffs throughout is me--hopefully it's enough to be additive and give a feel for what I'd like this one to sound like. It's also a second dive into BIAB (this time using markers!). In sum, this one's more me just trying to make things sound better than just a g/v, so any assistance furthering my education, as always, will be much appreciated.

Thanks in advance to you all!

Deej

Sweet Lorelei

Thereís that rise,
just past the mill,
meet me at midnightó
seems like years since
I held you in my arms.
We could kiss under the moonlight,
beneath a thousand million stars.

Donít leave me forsaken,
(just like youíve done before).
Canít you hear my heart aching
(it makes me want you more).
Donít you know Iíll be right here waiting.

My sweet Lorelei
(donít you want to go).
Sweet Lorelei
(he wonít ever know).
Between you and I,
if we could run away,
I just know that you would say, ďOkayĒ.

All this time
seems like weíre wasting
all of our good years.
Lord, how the days of fancy fly.
Go grab your things
and letís get out of here.
We wonít even say goodbye.

Donít worry me minding
(if you can get away).
Weíll write it off to bad timing
(and plan another day).
Just say the word and
you know Iím all in.

My sweet Lorelei
(donít you want to go).
Sweet Lorelei
(he wonít ever know).
Between you and I,
if we could run away,
Iím sure that you would say, ďOkayĒ.

Donít leave me forsaken,
(just like youíve before).
Donít leave my heart aching
(and bleeding on the floor).
Donít you know that
Iím still here waiting.

My sweet Lorelei
(donít you want to go).
Sweet Lorelei
(he wonít ever know).
Between you and I,
if we could run away,
I wonder if youíd say, ďOkayĒ.

(c)2018 DJ Lekich

Last edited by Deej56; 05/17/18 10:50 PM.
#1140835 - 05/17/18 10:08 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
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Irwin Offline
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Georgetown,Guyana,South Americ...
This sounds good to me.I could not hear anything that is wrong. I enjoy everything, your vocal,the way you played the guitar,the arrangement and the lyric it is well written. I was entertained.

#1140844 - 05/17/18 04:51 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Deej
I leave the technical issue to others but a good song is a good song no matter what.
You have a good and unique voice. I particularly liked the guitar on this however.
Good story well written and it deserves plenty of plays around here
Regards
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140850 - 05/17/18 10:56 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Irwin]  
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Irwin,

Thanks so much for stopping in and giving this one a listen. Appreciate the kind comments and support.

All the best to you,

Deej

#1140852 - 05/17/18 11:04 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Travis david]  
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Travis,

Appreciate the feedback. As I was listening to this today a couple more times, there were a couple of areas that seemed in need of correcting, so I tweaked the mix just a bit and reposted to SoundCloud. I'm hopeful I've addressed those to my temporary satisfaction (though I'm sure I'll rethink the mix when I hear it next). I hope I haven't diminished what you liked about the guitar work.

Odd thing is, I listen to this on all different mediums--from headphones, to Sonos, to laptop, to car--and it all sounds subtly different from one to the other. It can drive one bonkers. For now, I'm hoping I've got it in a place I can live with.

Thanks again for the supportive comments. It means a lot.

Kindest regards,

Deej

#1140858 - 05/18/18 10:04 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jul 2011
Posts: 925
IronKnee Offline
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IronKnee  Offline
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Posts: 925
Hawaii
Hi Deej,
A very good performance of a great song. So much to appreciate, here. The melodic hook in the chorus reminds me of, "My Maria". Strong ear worm, here......kudos. Love the vocal work!
Nice lyrics, to-boot...ÖÖÖ.
Good stuff, man!
-Tom

Last edited by IronKnee; 05/18/18 10:05 AM.
#1140860 - 05/18/18 10:13 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
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Travis david Online content
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Travis david  Online Content
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Still sounds good to my ears!
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1140882 - 05/18/18 11:17 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Nov 2011
Posts: 3,120
E Swartz Online content
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E Swartz  Online Content
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Posts: 3,120
Ohio
Hey Deej!

What a great sound you have, very unique. It sounds like a pop song from the mid-late 60's vibe for me. Remember the song "Smile a little smile for me, Rose Marie?" It just has a vibe that is captivating, along with your vocal style.

I do think you might utilize more build with the back ground vocals by not using them in the 2nd & 3rd vs's and let the choruses have those signature tags. Then let the 4thand final vs include the tags along with final chorus. Also tighten up a bit on some of those tags timing--they need to hit right on the beats--harmonies can be off beat a smidgen which sometimes sounds even better and more real, but background tags need to be right in the pocket on beat--they are NOT bad, but a couple may need to be nudged slightly. My point is this, you have a strong melody and a great vocal going on--let the listener fall in love with your "uninterupted" lead vocal before giving them "too much" to think about vocally. By drawing them in more gradually, you'll "build" that arrangement, and IMO, then your song will have a better climactic feel. This is just a suggestion for perhaps you to experiment with I'm certainly not giving you "nits," contrarily I'm digging what you are doing and I think you can showcase it better by not utilizing the background vocals as much--don't show them the "icing on the cake" so early..........

I really enjoyed this unique song, well written, well performed--arrangement could be enhanced IMO by utilizing more build--but remember.......there is no one way to produce any song, and my sugs are just one perception--Use or lose!

steady-eddie


#1140886 - 05/19/18 04:31 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 19,447
Calvin Offline
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Posts: 19,447
Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hello Deej,


You have an entertaining and enjoyable sound.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1140890 - 05/19/18 09:14 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 211
the_lyricwriter Offline
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Joined: Aug 2001
Posts: 211
Charleston WV USA
I enjoyed the listen thanks for the post

Hard to Say goodbye is Greatness

Anthony

Last edited by the_lyricwriter; 05/19/18 09:17 AM.
#1140907 - 05/19/18 11:09 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2009
Posts: 3,363
beechnut79 Offline
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Posts: 3,363
Villa Park IL
One can expect emotions to be all over the place listening to this song. You have brought the greatest respect to the name Lorelei since the Styx classic in the 1970s.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srEP-vvhTvY

#1140919 - 05/19/18 09:52 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: IronKnee]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Tom,

Thanks for the listen and kind feedback. I'm not familiar with "My Maria"--I don't think--so I'll have to check that out. Glad that you enjoyed the listen.

All the best,

Deej

#1140920 - 05/19/18 09:53 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Travis david]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 593
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Travis,

That's good to know. Every time I listen to it I hear something else that needs work--time to step away from this one for a while, me thinks. But glad it's still sounding OK. Thanks.

Deej

#1140921 - 05/19/18 09:59 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: E Swartz]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 593
Deej56 Online content
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Eddie,

Thanks so much for the great feedback. I totally get what your saying about building up the vocals over the course of the song, and I could easily dial back the supporting lead vocals on those first two verses. When I get the energy to turn back to this, I'm going to play with that and see how it sounds. And great tip regarding the tags from a production standpoint. Those are all things I need to learn, so I love hearing it.

Oh, and I guess I'm 0 for 2 on this thread so far, because I'm not sure I'm familiar with "Smile a Little Smile for Me, Marie" either. Something else I'll have to listen to.

All the best,

Deej

#1140922 - 05/19/18 09:59 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Calvin]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Calvin,

I appreciate your stopping in and giving this one a listen. Thanks much.

Best regards,

Deej

#1140923 - 05/19/18 10:01 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: the_lyricwriter]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Lyricwriter,

Thanks for the listen--glad you enjoyed it. And thanks as well for the kind comment regarding "Won't Be Hard to Say Goodbye"--it's much appreciated.

Kind regards,

Deej

#1140924 - 05/19/18 10:04 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: beechnut79]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 593
Deej56 Online content
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Beechnut,

Well, there's finally a song reference I know. I had totally forgotten about that old Styxx song. Styxx, by the way, was the first concert I ever went to in my teen years--I think as part of the "Cornerstone" tour. A very popular (at the time) Long Island, NY band called "The Good Rats" opened for them. It was a killer show.

All the best,

Deej

#1140942 - 05/21/18 08:59 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 6,623
Dave Rice Online content
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Dave Rice  Online Content
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Posts: 6,623
Texas
Sorry I'm late... again, Deej:

When you "experiment" I suspect you had a good idea of exactly where this song is headed! Great work with BIAB and I really like the vibe you have created. Best of luck with "Sweet Lorelei!" ----Dave

#1140972 - 05/22/18 08:41 PM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 6,583
Ricki E. Bellos Online content
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Wisconsin
I like this one, Deej. Great vocals and I like that acoustic guitar but the overall effect is really super. Nice.

Ricki

#1140977 - Yesterday at 03:23 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Dec 2016
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Deej56 Online content
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Dave and Ricki, appreciate the kind comments and feedback.

Dave, I had an idea of what I wanted to do with the harmonies, and surprisingly it was easier to lay down the different tracks than I anticipated, but I do think to Eddie's comments above that I overdid it. I think peeling back and then adding back in, might be may next approach to tweaking the mix on this one.

Thanks to you both for the listen.

Deej

#1140985 - Yesterday at 05:04 AM Re: Sweet Lorelei [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: May 2018
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Noel96 Online content
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Noel96  Online Content
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Joined: May 2018
Posts: 8
DJ,

You've got a great sound happening! You certainly know your way around writing and performing a song!

I'm enjoying everything I'm hearing.

All the best,
Noel


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