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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Destiny Takes a Heart ©2017 Robert George BMI
I was sitting in a Paris bistro all alone Killing time until my midnight flight back home When she looked up from her sketchpad at my uniform I could see her red hair was a rose without a thorn
Then she asked to sketch me in the dancing candlelight And her voice was like a French kiss in the lonely night
Love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines forevermore When destiny takes a heart
She began to draw my face with charcoal, And she found a spark within my dark soul Where I’d long believed my faith was truly dead She was mostly blessed but partly tragic, And her eyes were full of ancient magic Born from when the moon and sea were newlyweds
Then I said goodbye because I had a plane to catch Sensing that my hidden scars were captured in her sketch
Love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines eternally When destiny takes a heart
I was down south dwelling in the Quarter, Tanqueray had filled my past with mortar I’d mistaken feeling numb for feeling free I was living in a kitchenette there, Ev’ry night I’d walk to Lafayette Square Where musicians played a part in healing me
And a fog bank sat upon the river like a sphinx Then I saw her curled up on the long grass like a lynx
Love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines forevermore When destiny takes a heart
She was eking out a living painting in the square I was eking out a death by living in despair And she led me by the spirit to a rented room Where tomorrow had been woven by Fortuna’s loom
And she had my Paris portrait on a wicker shelf And she said my sadness was reflected in herself
Love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines eternally When destiny takes a heart O it shines forevermore When destiny takes a heart
We joined hands like time and fate and waltzed without a song Shadows seemed to whisper and the silence sang along Some believe the universe is moon and stars and math And yet it conspired to align our lonely paths
Love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines eternally When destiny takes a heart
O love is like the light Shining from a secret star And it shines forevermore When destiny takes a heart
When destiny takes a heart When destiny takes a heart…
Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/18/17 05:05 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118 |
This is great subject matter here. I like the story and the way it is being told. There are just a few spots that need a little bit of nudging for me. I would use the French kiss wording, as there is a distinct image that pops into everyone's mind with that. I think you were trying to connect the fact that she is French, but to me it seems a little harsh for the intent of the message. Maybe soft or tender or some other description as we already know the subject is in Paris, France. Of course if you were going for that imagery then my comments are all wet. . . .LoL The only other thing is the first line of the last verse; We joined hands like time and fate and waltzed without a song. That is a great image but "like time and fate" doesn't capture the moment for me. Maybe something like destiny or something like that; "We joined hands as destiny had cast, and waltzed without (a) song." I really liked it though.
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5
Top 25 Poster
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OP
Top 25 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 8,160 Likes: 5 |
Thanks Earl. I appreciate your well thought out comments. This is only my preference but I wouldn't use "destiny" in that line because it's already in the chorus' title line and also because I wanted a little more color in that spot. Thanks again, though.
Last edited by couchgrouch; 12/18/17 04:55 PM.
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Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2008
Posts: 118 |
Hey no problem. . . . I figured since it was the last verse with the song going out it would tie the whole thing together in the end. Really liked this though . . . great feel and flavor.
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Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2018
Posts: 134 |
Another great storyline, once again I'm impressed.
Just a writer of words
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