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#1126813 - 04/21/17 09:08 AM Death of Cards. Travis & Vic  
Joined: Nov 2010
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Vicarn Offline
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Vicarn  Offline
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UK
Travis has some great titles in his head.
I changed the lyrics a little and came up with this. Not sure what genre it comes under.
Comments welcome.

Vic

https://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold/the-death-of-cards

DEATH OF CARDS ©2017 John Vaughan & Vic Arnold
V
You always took your chances
on a deck of cards, relied.
You lost all your possessions,
said goodbye to the bride.
You cheated and deceived,
tried to cover up your tracks,
gambled all you needed
and failed to get it back.
Ch.
They ought to change .. the .. name.
Call it a death of cards
Thought you'd tamed .. this .. game
Call it the death of cards
Call it the death of cards
V
Play the spinning wheel,
back a horse or roll the dice.
When the cards were on the table
You took no kind advice
The cops, now don't bother you.
You're just that crazy guy
who roams Atlantic City,
since the money all ran dry.
Ch. Inst.
B
The hands of the clock that
divide your useless time
between the bar room and casino,
are witness to this crime.
Ch.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126858 - 04/22/17 12:38 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: Jun 2009
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ejlawrence Offline
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ejlawrence  Offline
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Greater Los Angeles
Travis and Vic
Very unique title/hook. Wow, what a sad song.
Good story-telling here. Very visual lyrics. I'd take a closer look at your lyrics.
Your chorus melody is really good. Liked the bridge a lot.
I'd keep working on this one. Think it has a look of potential.
I heard Bruce Springsteen in the melody and your vocal that really works here.
The tune also reminded me of Green Day's "Boulevard Of Broken Dreams".
Thanks for sharing.

Last edited by ejlawrence; 04/22/17 12:41 AM.
#1126863 - 04/22/17 03:19 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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UK
Hi EJ,
Yes, Travis's title drew me in to this.
Thank you.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126910 - 04/23/17 07:49 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Dave Rice Offline
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Hi Vic and "Travis:"

Impressive write and performance. I think this is one of your best collaborations. You asked about genre classification and I would advise "Modern Country Pop"... but this classic doesn't need a stinkin' genre... LOL! Fantastic song, guys. I would offer you a contract but my Industry Contacts have either dried up in the heat or died of old age. Never desiring to make an offer that would lead you down a road to nowhere... I cannot say too many good things about this song. May it make you both rich. I'd mention fame but it usually leads to a sad ending.

Pitch it, guys. Somebody will listen.

All my best, ----Dave

#1126914 - 04/23/17 10:11 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Dave, you are always very kind with your comments, thank you.

I leave the pitching to Travis. Who knows what will become of it.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126936 - 04/24/17 04:51 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Calvin Online content
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Calvin  Online Content
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Okeechobee, Florida U.S.A.
Hi Vic / Travis,


This is very nicely done.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

#1126947 - 04/24/17 11:27 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thanks Calvin.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126962 - 04/25/17 03:56 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Thanks for your feedback EJ
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1126967 - 04/25/17 09:34 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Hi Dave
Thanks once again for positive comments
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1126974 - 04/25/17 10:30 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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Hi Vic & Travis,

Yay! Another song for this fan to love!!
Lovely, sad and pretty!

Lisa

#1126982 - 04/25/17 01:44 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thank you Lisa.
I haven't been called "pretty" in a while. "Sad", yes.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1126984 - 04/25/17 03:53 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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NO, Vic ...
Travis is pretty!
You're sad and lovely! smile
I also love how the song is loaded with depth and feeling ... very emotion-evoking ...
Lisa

#1126985 - 04/25/17 04:03 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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beechnut79 Offline
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Villa Park IL
You have a great song here, one that might fit well into the contemporary soft-rock genre perhaps. Reminds me a bit of some of Bob Seger's songs.

#1126999 - 04/25/17 08:45 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Michael Zaneski Offline
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California
Hi guys,

Back in my twenties, I was a bit of a compulsive gambler. I was a low-ball player before 'Hold "em was popular. When I lived in NYC, I even hawked my guitar a couple times for gambling money, so I am familiar with this Atlantic City guy with which you speak.

Vic, nice composition and performance. I'm not wild about the chord progression in the bridge, but it could grow on me.

Travis..another beautiful lyric from you. It works in spite of the hook " the death of cards" conjuring up a completely different image before hearing the entire lyric. The lyric as a whole wins me to reading the hook the way you intend (which is that cards are like a black hole that devours everything in its path, LOL), and it's important to get the hook or the song falls apart. Great work. smile

Mike


Fate doesn't hang on a wrong or right choice
Fortune depends on the tone of your voice

-The Divine Comedy (Neil Hannon)
from the song "Songs of Love"
from the album "Casanova" (1996)
#1127003 - 04/25/17 10:58 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Hi Calvin.Thanks friend for yourgent thumbs up
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127007 - 04/26/17 01:18 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Deej56 Offline
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Well, this is quite the awesome tune. EJ kinda nailed it for me--this makes me things of Springsteen. Just love the chorus, hauntingly sad--nice stops and starts. Agree with Michael that the bridge doesn't quite pop, thought it's still pretty good as is. One last thought--only because I read Travis's lyric on F3 and thought the same thing--should it be "Death of Cards" or "Death by Cards"? Albeit, "Death of Cards" sounds a lot better.

Really enjoyed the listen, Vic and Travis (and that's two in a row you've just nailed).

Regards,

Deej

#1127014 - 04/26/17 04:08 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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I'm pretty sad, Lisa.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127015 - 04/26/17 04:10 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thank you Beechnut.
Bob Seger is fine in my book.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127020 - 04/26/17 08:17 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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I really like this Vic and John...

I know its done now, but I would have suggested changing one line to go with the theme.

Just a thought..

You always took your chances
on a deck of cards, relied.
You lost all your possessions,
said goodbye to the bride.
You cheated and deceived,
for a day out at the tracks,
gambled all you needed
and failed to get it back.

but really nice as is

God Bless Roy and Helen

Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/26/17 08:19 AM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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Our Personal Website
#1127026 - 04/26/17 10:06 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thank you Michael.
I may revisit the bridge (of sighs) :-)

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127028 - 04/26/17 10:40 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
Joined: May 2006
Posts: 7,773
Colin Ward Online content
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I like this a lot. It's a clever take on a gambling addiction. Good musical treatment that fits perfectly. I would be careful of the enunciation of the hook so it is not mistaken for deck of cards.


Colin

I try to critique as if you mean business.....

http://colinwardmusic.com/

http://rosewoodcreekband.com/


#1127061 - 04/26/17 05:40 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Kurt Fortmeyer Offline
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Kurt Fortmeyer  Offline
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Tennessee
Two words...Tom Waits.
Too bad he writes his own stuff.
"Americana" is a good catchall genre.


I love words. They say so much.

http://kurtfortmeyer.com
#1127069 - 04/26/17 08:05 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thanks DeeJ for your kind comments.
Not sure about the bridge comment as I don't think a bridge should "pop".
I see the bridge as a moment to drop out and reflect on all that's happened previously and then to bring everything back.
I could be wrong though.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127070 - 04/26/17 08:13 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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UK
Hi Roy.
Good to see you again.
I thank you for your comments and suggestions.
Do you not think that "for a day out at the tracks" sounds like too much of a fun day out for this song?

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127087 - 04/26/17 11:31 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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I guess I will comment on this song on every site I see it on...LOL! As you may already know...I really like it and love the way you styled the chorus. How creative and clever, it really does the lyric justice. Great collab!

Tammy


http://tammyjann.com/
https://soundcloud.com/tamsnumber4
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/default.cfm?bandID=1038504

Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it...
Professor Albus Dumbledore




#1127089 - 04/26/17 11:56 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Roy.
Good to see you again.
I thank you for your comments and suggestions.
Do you not think that "for a day out at the tracks" sounds like too much of a fun day out for this song?

Vic


You are probably right Vic, however

You always took your chances
on a deck of cards, relied.
You lost all your possessions,
said goodbye to the bride.
You cheated and deceived,
tried to cover up your tracks,
gambled all you needed
and failed to get it back.

I still feel that taken as a pair

You cheated and deceived,
tried to cover up your tracks,

The 2nd line seems a bit odd. Its like he's a crook on the run or criminal or something..

maybe

You always took your chances
on a deck of cards, relied.
You lost all your possessions,
said goodbye to the bride.
You cheated and deceived,
to back losers at the track,
gambled all you needed
and failed to get it back.

Sorry friend.. I always look for anything that seems out of context..
just my opinion which may be worth squat.

God Bless Roy and helen





Last edited by Roy Cooper; 04/27/17 04:09 AM.

'You Have To Kiss A Lot Of Frogs To Find A Prince'

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#1127093 - 04/27/17 06:30 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Hi Roy
The premise of a day out at the track is possibly, a fun outing a little booze a few bets on " certs"
This guy however is an habitual liar gambler and cheat.He's ruined his own life and the lives of everyone who loved him
I think Vic has captured this well mournful.poignant and complete desolation.
We always value your comments Roy but I think the issues here are far deeper
Regards to Helen and Yourself.
You taught me a lot when I came on the boards!

Last edited by Travis david; 04/27/17 06:34 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127094 - 04/27/17 07:28 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Travis david]  
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Roy Cooper Offline
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Originally Posted by Travis david
Hi Roy
The premise of a day out at the track is possibly, a fun outing a little booze a few bets on " certs"
This guy however is an habitual liar gambler and cheat.He's ruined his own life and the lives of everyone who loved him
I think Vic has captured this well mournful.poignant and complete desolation.
We always value your comments Roy but I think the issues here are far deeper
Regards to Helen and Yourself.
You taught me a lot when I came on the boards!


okey dokey Travis...

point made

God Bless Roy and Helen


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#1127095 - 04/27/17 11:20 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Travis david  Offline
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Hi Lovely Lisa ( hope this isn't sexist)
You have been a credit and an inspiration not only to JPF but we humble posters, throughout our writing relationship.I would also like to point out that it is strictly a writing affair! Vic is happily married and I'm happily separated.
Thanks for a further thumbs up.
I'm currently in Dubai in exile and trying to write more hooks for Vic.
Best wishes
John


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127102 - 04/27/17 12:52 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Yes' he's certainly in that class, Roy.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127103 - 04/27/17 12:54 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thanks Colin.
I get your point on the enunciation. I hope it sounds clear.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127112 - 04/27/17 04:25 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Kurt Fortmeyer]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Hi Kurt.
Thanks for the kind comment. Ahh ...Tom Waits, what does he know? :-)

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127132 - 04/28/17 05:51 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Hi Brian
Thanks for your comments
Travus


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127133 - 04/28/17 06:12 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Hi Tammy.
You have our permission to do just that. :-) Thank you so much for being so nice.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127164 - 04/29/17 12:43 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Hi Michael
Thanks again for your comments which thankfully have always been on the positive side.
This song like our previous collaboration came about from ideas and hooks I had and Vic turned them into great songs.IMHO
Cheers
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127230 - 04/30/17 08:37 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Thanks Deej
Great feedback and most welcome
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127231 - 04/30/17 08:39 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Travis david Offline
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Cheers Kurt
Thanks for the T.W. connection
Travis


We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1127249 - 04/30/17 08:12 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Ricki E. Bellos Offline
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Another fine collab from Travis and Vic! Well written and nicely sung and produced. You are a winning team.

Ricki

#1127257 - 05/01/17 08:54 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thank you Ricki. Appreciated.


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127293 - 05/02/17 11:01 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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TRAVIS and VIC

I give it 5 stars!

Write and sing on!


Mackie

#1127300 - 05/02/17 03:18 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Kolstad Offline
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My kind of music, I'd call it classic rock or americana. Reminded me a bit of Mark Knopfler. Loved the vocals and the gtr solo in the bridge. I would have liked to hear that 8th note bass from the beginning, keep it in the verses, and maybe change it up to follow the vocals closer in the chorus. What my ears sought, anyway. But it's a killer tune!


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#1127304 - 05/02/17 04:39 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thanks Mackie.
As long as it's five out of five.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127317 - 05/02/17 11:45 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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E Swartz Offline
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Ohio
Hey Vic/Travis,

Fabulous collab! This music really grabs you, nice pauses and great drive. Nice lyrics and interesting concept.

A couple of production sugs/ideas for experimentation: Concerning the Bridge, I love how that piano launches the bridge melody, maybe enhance that a bit more. I'd also experiment having the percussion have more of a change-up with the Bridge such as soft kick/cymbal hits and just cymbals with maybe a couple well placed snare combination hits and maybe even some pauses without drums perhaps--losing the "driving" percussion within the Bridge that you have in the rest of the song--giving the Bridge a softer and more unique identity--JMO.

Like this more the 2nd time I heard here on JPF--super write both of you!

steady-eddie.

#1127321 - 05/03/17 04:48 AM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Thanks for the interesting suggestions and for taking the time, Kolstad.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold
#1127349 - 05/03/17 01:02 PM Re: Death of Cards. Travis & Vic [Re: Vicarn]  
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Vicarn Offline
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Well, Eddie.
Funny thing but I was contemplating a simpler drum track for the bridge, so now you reminded me I just changed it.
Thanks for the nudge.

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.
http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold

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