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Emily
by floyd jane. 04/22/18 11:45 PM
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Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
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#1125617 - 03/21/17 12:28 AM
Re: The Town Where You Were Born
[Re: Rob W]
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 552
Deej56
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 552
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Rob,
Some terrific imagery in this. Did you write a melody along with this? Always tough to judge meter and rhythm just reading the lyrics, but on it's face I can imagine it works well. The rhyme scheme is admirable--ambitious in that each line of the verse rhymes (or is a near rhyme) but it doesn't feel forced and moves the story along. You do a nice job painting a picture of this town. My only suggestion, or point of confusion, was the perspective--I'm not quite sure who's singing to who. For example, is the singer singing to someone else who was born in the town, or is he speaking more generally? Not sure my comment makes sense, but happy to converse more if it doesn't. BTW, love that you are so specific in your lyrics--the verse on Miss Virginia is well done. Hope this helps, and as always, take what you will from my comments and ignore all the rest.
Enjoyed reading and commenting on this.
Regards,
Deej
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#1125750 - 03/24/17 09:43 AM
Re: The Town Where You Were Born
[Re: Rob W]
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,749
Travis david
Top 10 Poster
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Top 10 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,749
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
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Really good piece of writing fine story well constructed and though through! Travis
Last edited by Travis david; 03/24/17 09:43 AM.
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