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#1125569 - 03/19/17 07:56 PM The Town Where You Were Born  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Rob W Offline
Casual Observer
Rob W  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Los Angeles, CA
This song is loosely about....the town where I was born. But it's really more about my struggle with fleeing it and everything I knew in search of greener pastures. I now live 3000 miles away, and haven't lived there for 15 years, but I still occasionally get homesick, despite how much better I have it now than I ever would have there. Verses are filled with arpeggiated minor and dim chords to drive home a general sense of dread, while the choruses are major and strummed, suggesting optimism and hope.

The misty morning air is sticky and warm
Following a late night thunderstorm
Past the trains that hardly run anymore
It rolls in from the river shore
Up into the town where you were born

The empty diner on Main Street
Echoes the silence of defeat
The morning rush outside can't slow down to stop and eat
Just sippin' on coffee to a faster beat
Seems like everybody got somewhere else to be

You see your chance to fly you take it while you can
The brave ones stay behind and try to make a plan
Before you realize you forgot just how long you’ve been gone
But no matter how hard you try, no matter how far you roam
This place will always be home
This town where you were born

Miss Virginia Lee sits on her porch
Waiting for the latest news report
The next door neighbor's boy was due today in court
For skipping out on his child support
He ain't seen them babies since they were born

Ever since they closed the paper mill
The VFW up on the hill
Has seen an uptick of people honing their drinkin' skills
In lieu of more constructive thrills
Whatever keeps the demons still


Seems somebody’s god is smiling down
There’s still some fight left in this old town
Fresh new coat of paint and trash up off the ground
Might be enough to turn it around
As a lonely midnight locomotive whistle sounds


#1125617 - 03/21/17 12:28 AM Re: The Town Where You Were Born [Re: Rob W]  
Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 278
Deej56 Offline
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Deej56  Offline
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Joined: Dec 2016
Posts: 278

Some terrific imagery in this. Did you write a melody along with this? Always tough to judge meter and rhythm just reading the lyrics, but on it's face I can imagine it works well. The rhyme scheme is admirable--ambitious in that each line of the verse rhymes (or is a near rhyme) but it doesn't feel forced and moves the story along. You do a nice job painting a picture of this town. My only suggestion, or point of confusion, was the perspective--I'm not quite sure who's singing to who. For example, is the singer singing to someone else who was born in the town, or is he speaking more generally? Not sure my comment makes sense, but happy to converse more if it doesn't. BTW, love that you are so specific in your lyrics--the verse on Miss Virginia is well done. Hope this helps, and as always, take what you will from my comments and ignore all the rest.

Enjoyed reading and commenting on this.



#1125623 - 03/21/17 07:00 AM Re: The Town Where You Were Born [Re: Rob W]  
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 11
GabyMartinez Offline
Casual Observer
GabyMartinez  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 11
Hi Rob. My only nit is with the second verse. "The morning rush outside can't slow down to stop and eat
Just sippin' on coffee to a faster beat
Seems like everybody got somewhere else to be" These lines tell us of a faster pace. If it's a faster pace outside this town it doesent place us there.

#1125743 - 03/23/17 09:06 PM Re: The Town Where You Were Born [Re: Deej56]  
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Rob W Offline
Casual Observer
Rob W  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 11
Los Angeles, CA
Thanks for the feedback, both, greatly appreciated.

Deej: I do have a melody. I finally got around to recording a rough guitar/vocal demo of this song. I'll post it up over in the MP3 section momentarily. I appreciate your point on the perspective. I struggled with it, too, at first, but at the end of the day I embraced the ambiguity. Is this the lamentation of someone who never had the opportunity to make it out? Or maybe the narrator is someone who DID? Grass is always greener, and all that.

Gaby: That's a fair point, for sure. The town I'm from is about an hour's drive west of Washington DC, in the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Lots of people live there for the cheap cost of living and commute to the city for work. But you're right that you wouldn't know that from what I wrote. I'll consider honing in on that.

#1125750 - 03/24/17 09:43 AM Re: The Town Where You Were Born [Re: Rob W]  
Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,234
Travis david Offline
Top 20 Poster
Travis david  Offline
Top 20 Poster

Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 10,234
Kendal, Cumbria .UK
Really good piece of writing fine story well constructed and though through!

Last edited by Travis david; 03/24/17 09:43 AM.

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
#1125910 - 03/28/17 01:49 PM Re: The Town Where You Were Born [Re: Rob W]  
Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Ted Martin Offline
Casual Observer
Ted Martin  Offline
Casual Observer

Joined: Jan 2013
Posts: 33
Hi Rob, I love the concept of the song. Nice rough draft that needs work. I would suggest you end every verse with the title to drive home the lonely feeling the song projects. Also since I am a less is more kind of guy I would eliminate many of the words you have. Always better to use as few words to convey your meaning as possible even at the risk of being misunderstood.

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