JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Emergency

This is fresh Ink, the idea just popped in out of nowhere:)
Thought I would just post it since I have not posted anything in ages, comments-crits and suggestions welcomed!-Dana

This was wrote with a female Contemporary Country Singer in mind.
Mid to uptempo. Thanks:)


Emergency

He was standing in the front door
With a bag of his clothes
Wearing a frown
I was feeling like a tight rope
Walking out was my hope
Leaving me doubts…

He said I know your cheating
Ain’t no faith left believing we can turn this around
Then a shot rang out….

Chorus

We’ve got an Emergency
We’ve got a heart down and it’s starting to bleed
Can somebody please
Dial that 911
Cause I’m starting to think
I was wrong about him being wrong about me
We’ve got another man down
All because of me…

The words I yelled hit him like a slug
I’m sorry won’t patch him up
I’m losing him fast…

If I could take them back I’d
Take em fast-er than this ambulance
Can carry my soul…

I said the only one I’m cheating is myself
For not believing that you were the one..

Chorus repeats

Bridge:

We’re both in intensive care
It’s touch and go
Straight from here
Want you to know
I’ll always be there

Chorus

Cancel that Emergency
He’s had a change of heart
And the Surgeon was me
Can somebody please
Give him room to move
Cause he’s starting to breathe
Yeah I was wrong about him being wrong about me
I’ve got my Man down
And I’ll never leave

Dana L. Matthews
September 4th 2012 ©
All Rights Reserved

He's come back to me
he got stitched up
What he needs is a little tender love
the kind that don't deceive
Just a few idea Dana. Really good idea you had there for a lyric,very original.
All the best with it
Travis

Hey Travis,

Thanks again for taking the time to comment,I appreciate it.
This is very rough and still needs some refining, your idea list pretty much sums it up, do you mean I should flesh them out even more here?
Just to be clear on your ideas, thanks-Dana

I was a bit confused as to what was going on.

Just throwing ideas into the pot Dana.You never know one might be useful.
Regards
Travis

Hi Travis,

Yes, I agree:) I was trying to get your take on how you would incorporate them. I thought I might have insinuated some of those ideas already in the bridge:)
But yes, always open to more of them!

Hi Jim, Thanks for stopping by and commenting.
If you are confused by what is going on the song, then I may not have done my job as the Songwriter:)

All I can really add is the Chorus is not to be taken in a literal sense if that's where your confusion starts?
Again, if you care to explain where you are lost at, maybe I could go back and rewrite it in a better way if need be.

Thanks you both for chiming in!-Dana

Hi Dana!

I like the idea, and the medical metaphors...but it seems like there may be too many of them, IMO. I had trouble figuring out what was going on the first couple of times I read it...possibly too much happening without enough details....maybe find a way to make it all about losing him or all about getting him back...with more details of how it happened. Good luck with it!

Jason

I'm with Jim on this one to. I just can't find the simple understanding of the song structure. Know what the story is telling, but it lingers to much. You have something here, it just needs to be condensed and rinsed.

good luck

I like it. I think maybe some tightening on your story, I want him to be wrong. She wasn't cheating after all and he's recovering from his initial heartbreak.

If this were my song, I would rework it completely...

Example....I'd start with..,

Somebody call 911
His hearts about to break
He heard I was running round
There must be some mistake
People talk about me
I don't know why he believes

Emergency
Someone shock our love back life
Give those paddles to me
Before he lets our future die
Get out of my way can't you see
We've got an emergency

Anyway, I would not have her actually be a cheat because an artist doesn't want to be the villain. She's got to be proven true....

Just some Suggs, kos.

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for making all these great suggestions!
Caroline,with your example I can better understand what some are
saying about following the story.

I will get take a closer look at see what develops, I appreciate the feedback!-Dana

Hi Guys,

Thanks so much for making all these great suggestions!
Caroline,with your example I can better understand what some are
saying about following the story.

I will take a closer look at this and see what develops, I appreciate the feedback!-Dana