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#943459 - 02/01/12 07:18 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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90 dB
Casual Observer
Registered: 11/19/11
Posts: 23
Loc: Greenville SC
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Dottie -
Just had a chance to listen to this. (Working 6 days/week doesn't leave much time).
I really like this song. Great concept, recording and vocal. Well done!
Regards,
Bob
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#943467 - 02/01/12 09:04 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey)
[Re: Dottie]
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Vicarn
Top 200 Poster
Registered: 11/16/10
Posts: 1112
Loc: UK
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Songwriting is all about using few words to express many thoughts.
You said it all in the original version.
Doesn't need more. I love it.
Vic
Edited by Vicarn (02/01/12 09:07 PM)
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#943626 - 02/02/12 06:18 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: DonnaMarilyn]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Donna,
I appreciate all your suggestions. I took so out of line 2 in v1. I can't believe I didn't notice that. 
As for saying what kind of flower I said roses in v1 and Lisa Palas always suggest not repeating things so I went with flowers.
I also changed the bridge to "he's a master at deceving".
Thanks again!
Dottie
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#943627 - 02/02/12 06:20 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: TamsNumber4]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Tammy,
I know what you mean I used to LOVE to crit a song/lyric after Donna because it was easy then.
Thanks for taking another look!
Dottie
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#943628 - 02/02/12 06:21 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Colin,
I know guys think flowers are boring lol but women love them. I know what you mean though.
Thanks for taking another look.
Dottie
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#943629 - 02/02/12 06:24 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: 90 dB]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Bob,
Man you are working too much. I appreciate you taking the time to listen especially since you don't have much time to spare.
Dottie
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#943630 - 02/02/12 06:27 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey)
[Re: Vicarn]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Vic,
I agree with you we may end up with two versions. I like most all of the 1st version but I did have a line that was contradicting at least some thought it was.
Dottie
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#944818 - 02/09/12 09:34 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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MFB III
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 08/18/10
Posts: 2698
Loc: ohio
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Lots of good, no excellent help on this one so i'm just a Gonna bump up^^^^^wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!back to the top.~~~MFB III
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#944825 - 02/09/12 09:58 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: MFB III]
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David Stuckey
Casual Observer
Registered: 09/11/10
Posts: 16
Loc: Louisiana
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I will hopefully have a couple of new versions done by Monday evening. I redid the instruments already, just waiting on Tiffany to come in and sing.
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#944830 - 02/09/12 10:35 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: David Stuckey]
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niteshift
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 12/17/06
Posts: 4053
Loc: Sydney, Australia
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Hey Dottie and David,
What a great listen ! I'll just give some thoughts at random while listening........ no particular order
* Great vocalist, pitch and phrasing perfect, really suits the song
* Solid hook in the chorus, really memorable
* Production and musical phrasing is light and heavy also, contrast and counter melody work well together. Needs some high EQ on the acoustic, to balance the lows of the grunge guitar
* Lyrically, the verses don't support the chorus with any measure of doubt. The heart must have doubts, yet the man portayed has all nrgative elements. there is no "what if"
* Phrases such as "whiskey bottle" and "bleached blonde" need to be removed. They're cliched and don't tell a story
* Needs one or two positive elements in the male character. Not doing so makes the song negative to 50% of the audience. Needs a redeeming feature. Leave the conflict in, but counter balance with longing in one or two lines
* Overall, a really listenable tune which needs lyrical support in the verses
Is that Ok Dottie ? I kinda just listen, and write as I listen, so hope the suggestions are of some use..... and as alwyas, just keep or sweep.
cheers, niteshift
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#945135 - 02/11/12 10:35 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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Ian Ferrin
Serious Contributor
Registered: 04/21/06
Posts: 933
Loc: Close to WalMart
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Love it Dottie. I had some lyric comments but those parts have been pointed out by others. This is super strong. Look forward to the next version.
Peace,
Ian
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#945362 - 02/13/12 08:56 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: MFB III]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi MFB,
Thanks for the bump and for your loyal support it's much appreciated!
Dottie
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#945363 - 02/13/12 08:58 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: David Stuckey]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Thanks for all you've done David! I can't wait to hear the final version and I'll post it here when I get it.
Dottie
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#945367 - 02/13/12 09:07 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: niteshift]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Niteshift,
I know what you mean and I agree 100% the heart does have doubts and that was the whole idea of the song BUT I was told by my mentor (Lisa Palas) that women today want to sing about their strengths. Lisa seemed to think that making her sound weak might keep artist from wanting to cut it. For that reason we may end up with 2 versions of the song.
I also agree with you about the bleached out blonde and I've changed that. I'd love to have some longing in here but I was told it's not a good idea. Originally she was going to let him take her out, let him kiss her just once. So I hear what you're saying it was a battle between the head and heart and that's real life!
I appreciate and agree with your comments.
Dottie
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#945369 - 02/13/12 09:08 AM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Ian Ferrin]
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Dottie
Top 100 Poster
Registered: 07/16/10
Posts: 3109
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Hi Ian,
Thanks for the visit. I hope to be posting the new version in the next few days.
Dottie
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#945429 - 02/13/12 01:43 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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Sir Hick
Casual Observer
Registered: 02/12/12
Posts: 28
Loc: Oregon
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Wow. I love it. I know you've heard about the bleached out blonde and you are working on it. Strawberry Blonde could work
I look forward to seeing what you do.
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#945614 - 02/14/12 05:05 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Colin Ward]
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Darrell Lee
Serious Contributor
Registered: 11/12/10
Posts: 147
Loc: Georgia
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I'll stack this tune up against anything in country today !! Totally impressed. Super write,great melody and superior vocal performance. I say RUN with this one Dottie/David. I can so hear Taylor Swift singing this one ( or the girl singing it now ). Really, really, really impressive folks !!!
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#945620 - 02/14/12 05:50 PM
Re: Run Heart Run (collab with David Stuckey) REWRITE 1-29
[Re: Darrell Lee]
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Paul H. Gaines
Serious Contributor
Registered: 11/27/09
Posts: 580
Loc: Sanger California
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Hi Dottie
I really like the solid Love and logic being two different streets foundation, I agree with Niteshift there should be something positive about the male to show reason for the comflicted heart, even if it a cliche about schoolboy charm or his Physique, just something that shows a disarming aspect...
Keep in mind. the radio aint playing none of my songs 
Cheer
Paul
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