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This came out of a process with one of my siblings who was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. In talking with her and helping each other through life, I tried to get the feeling of what she goes through in a split second. Feedback welcome.

©A. MacMaster 2009

WAKING walking
Midnight talking
What makes the world go ‘round?

BLOOD is pumpin’
Heart is jumpin’
Quick, get the keys!

LIFE is coming
She starts running
Ninety on the highway

When she comes down
She’s in a town
A million miles away

Time to drive back home

Hi MacMaster

This is beautiful, keep workin' on it, I've met a few people now with bi-polar disorder. Your sibling is lucky to have someone so special as you hah.

When reading your lyrics, I understood straight away.

Another songwriter here, Gary and I wrote a song, called "Angel Kisses" which was written for a friend of mine, who had a serious breakdown, etc, so we wrote it as if her children where singing it to her. I'll show it to you some time, when I'm not so busy running around.

I myself had a serious break down, long time ago now, and today I live with bouts of depression, my body relives the trauma's same time every year. When I had my break down, I was in and out of hospitals, and I got to know others with bi-polar.

I'm on my learners, but I'm pretty sure, lots here will jump in and give you some great advice.

Hugs
Michele

Hi Anne, Gus here. Glad to see you're back at it so soon.
Compare this one to Movie. Then get back with me about it.
Let me know what significant differences you see in it.
I believe this will help you, Gus

Michele,

thanks so much for the great feedback. I wasn't sure it would come across well as it was an empathetic piece. I would love to see the piece you wrote "angel kisses" as that is a familiar scenerio too. I look forward to seeing more of you on here. Please keep the feedback coming.
Anne

Gus,
I hope I am not missing the boat on this one. When I compare the two, I see one as being personal and the other as empathetic. I also see them as similar, in that Movie tends to build at the end and this one tends to hit the ground running. Please let me know what you were thinking on this. I welcome suggestions and collaboration.
Thank you for your insight,
Anne

The most important thing to remember here, is I'm no expert. These are just humble opinions, to help out if I can. What stands out to me is the lack of hard rhymes in "Movie", & the prevalence of hard rhymes in "Manic". Also in the phrasing. There was a flow
& freeness[don't think that's even a real word ]' I see it repeatedly in several of your pieces. For some reason, some way,
use of the rhymes affects how you structure your phrases,[ or
whatever the correct term is] the ones with the rhymes seem
contrived & ordinary, where the others stand out, to me at least.
I work hard in my lyrics to only use soft rhymes
[i.e.sassy=flashy=past me=nasty], & so on. Yak Soon, Gus

I think you missed the previous post your last time thru...Gus

Thanks Gus,
I did miss this one, sorry. that will teach me to engage in late night reading and responding. I agree.. it is much harder for me to use rhyming. sometimes I try to push myself to use different methods. Perhaps I should stick with what feels right. Thanks for your feedback.. I appreciate the direction.
Anne

Hi Anne

Here's Angel Kisses,

"Angel Kisses"

We know your heart is heavy burdened
with mem'ries from the past,
and the tears and pain you're goin thru
seem to forever(always) last
You 'll find reassurance
in the ones who love you most,
we'll fight for you and see it through
beside you ever close

(Chorus)
Angel kisses Mummy
to help you sleep at night
we ask the Heavenly Angels
to help our Mummy fight
And should the winds blow by softly,
you find yourself amiss
don't be afraid now Mummy
it's just an Angel's Kiss

When can we go home again Mummy
to the life we once knew
please don't take anger out on us
we're here cause we love you
Hold my hand tightly Mummy
I'll keep you safe and warm
just like on that very special day
when I was first born

(bridge)
Each kiss an an-gel gives you takes life's sorrows away
and with the strength from above of God's own pure love
helps you make it thru another day

(Chorus)
Angel kisses Mummy
to help you sleep at night
we ask the Heavenly Angels
to help our Mummy fight
And should the winds blow by softly,
you find yourself amiss
don't be afraid now Mummy
it's just an Angel's Kiss
(last 4 lines twice at end chorus)

I've also had friends -- and once, a boss -- who has bi-polar disorder. I think this is very good, especially the way the last line breaks the rhymes and ends the "episode."

I guess if I had a suggestion, it might be to play with the rhyme scheme.
It's aab all four times through, but on the last two verses the bs also rhyme, which for me slowed the manic feeling of the fast, hard rhymes.


It might work to have the rhymes come faster -- and harder -- the further you get into the poem. Maybe a verse of abcd, then abca, then abaa, then aaaa. Then the verses stay all "a" rhymes but get a line shorter each time. When you get to the last verse it's just one line but all the words rhyme -- hard, short rhymes.
Then the driving back home to break it.

That kind of rhyming would be a challenge for sure, but it would build the idea of becoming increasingly manic.
If she's driving down the road, there could be lots of images to play with.
Maybe the images could change more quickly as you went along, as well.

Anyhoo, just a thought. I also think you have a lucky sibling.

Hi Anne, sorry hey, I went and deleted what I wrote, golly gosh, I have been a mess, so please forgive me hey. When I had my break down years ago, I met a few people with Bi-polar, and I would very much love it, if you can tell me more about it.

I hope one day some of my songs in which I have recorded, will be used to raise money for Mental Health, as I feel that families around loved ones, like you and your daughter, need lots of support. Also children around parents who have bi-polar etc, they also need lots of love and support too.

Big hugs special lady. Lv Michele

Hello all, I have been away for a very long time. Just been visiting my sibling, and sharing some of this with her.. your kind, thoughtful words. I hope you are all well.
anne

Hi!

I can really relate to this. My daughter and husband both have bipolar disorder. My daughter also has borderline personality traits. It's extremely frustrating but when you love someone and feel so helpless watching them suffer. I wrote this awhile back to work through some of my feelings. Feel free to write me if you ever need to talk to someone who understands.

Control

I can't turn back the hands of time
or change what has been done
I can't exchange the hands life dealt
or stop what has begun

You fight what I don't understand
I can't get past your walls
Each time I think there's progress made
it seems that we both fall

We find fear mixed in with laughter
and sorrow there with joy
Life certainly is not a game
and you are not a toy

At times I don't know what to say
I'm scared to show my heart
I'm sometimes awkward and confused
as how to play my part

While you battle from within
out here I fight for you
I try to live for sunny days
when hope comes shining through

I'm not sure if you realize 
how much I really care
I die inside to see your pain
yet love is always there

But nothing that I say or do
can give me the control
of what was never in my hands
but battles with my soul

.

Wow.. I feel the authenticity in this and your courage to write is inspiring. I've been in recovery for about 6 years now, and understand where you are coming from. I've been very fortunate to have found a very spiritual and supportive group of people to guide me through a lot of changes and I want to encourage you to seek out peace for yourself and it will enable you to be more effective in helping those you love. I'd recommend checking out some of Pema Chodrin's writings "When Things Fall Apart" has been helpful to me, and I belive it will be to you too! All the best to you~ Doc

Doc,
Thank you for your words and suggestions. Although I am not sure if you are responding to "manic panic" or to Jen's wonderful piece, "control". A strong support system is essential with any recovery and I couldn't agree with you more. I will look into your book suggestion, and I suspect it could be helpful. Take care and well wishes abound.
anne