Mark Kaufman is obviously a very good songwriter. He's written lots of songs, had success, has a fan base, etc. This is a good thing. It's also somewhat dangerous in one respect. The danger of becoming successful in any art form is that a person can become convinced everything he says is communicating. This is true of filmmakers, songwriters, painters...everyone. There are so many people who love one's work, the creator stops surveying. It's to Mark's credit that he still posts on JPF to get feedback, because even though this song is excellent and could stand as it is, I think there are some clarity issues that, should they be addressed, the song could be that much stronger.

Mark:

I think this is a fantastic song. Here's my breakdown:

Title
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It's a good title. Would it stand out in a list of 100 song titles? I think it might because it immediately makes you wonder what it means. It's intriguing. It was used as the title of a movie some years back, so they obviously thought it was a pretty good title, too. Also, it is the hub that ties together everything in the song. So far, so good.

Music
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Top notch. Love it. Great reggae groove, great bass, great percussion, great effects, great guitar with the vibrato and all. Every part fits beautifully and seamlessly. Even as an instrumental this song works. Best of all, with everything going on musically it still fades nicely into the background to let the vocals take over.

Verse Melody
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Simple, catchy, interesting...but it doesn't distract the listener from the storytelling. Perfect.

Chorus Melody
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Excellent hook. I love the way the first line has some longer notes while the second line has a series of shorter, choppier notes to break things up. The melody of the chorus is catchy throughout and starts and ends definitively to set the chorus apart from the verse. The hook has stuck in my head, too. (I listened to this at work earlier in the week and it has stayed with me.)

Verse Lyrics
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The verse lyrics are excellent throughout. They tell the story and there are some fantastic lines...like:

If you think with your heart they tear you apart
It's a dangerous war

We can cover our fears
In a blanket of glory

...and especially:

If we lock our own souls into cages
How can we be free?

Also, these lines absolutely jump to life when you sing them:

Listen to me, listen to me
Won't you listen to me

My only nits here are the first line and the format of the second verse. I think the first line grabs you into the song, but I wonder if the word "salesman" might throw people, at least initially. The end of the second verse seems a little different than the end of the other verses. On the page there is one less line in the lyrics. It still works, but that might be an area to look at again.

Chorus Lyrics
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Everything is good here. It does what the chorus should do: it gives the meaning of the song in a way that stays with you. I even like the way the last line, "Before we take you away", signals the end of the chorus.

Story Arc
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Verse 1 starts at the beginning of the "story", when the lies started and the justification for them was made. Even though no names are mentioned, it is obvious by the end of the first verse who the song is about.

Verse 2 questions the sales pitch given in verse 1.

Verse 3 gives an example of the lies: torture.

The "Nut"
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What message does the listener take from this song? The Bush administration has done nothing but lie to the people. I think the song gets this message across very effectively without ever mentioning names or places.

Bottom Line
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Songs with a political message are risky but such songs can also be very effective at presenting a message, since songs can touch people emotionally in a way that a political essay never could. This song works, partly because it is so beautifully crafted and produced, but also because it is heartfelt and sincere. Bottom line: Excellent song!

Mark

the first line has some longer notes while the second line has a series of shorter, choppier notes

Mark,

Well, okay, I’ll admit that I don’t know if this is a political song or not. If it is, I’m in trouble cuz I don’t do well with those things! But in the interest of critiquing/offering a response, here goes. I like the mix of statements and questions asked by the narrator, they balance each other nicely. The listener is going to take whatever he/she relates to from it and I think this would appeal to many people since it comes from the thoughts of one man and his questions about honesty and integrity, which reach to the heart of most people. “One True Thing” is universal and a solid hook, imo.

I know I am missing some of the nuances of the lyric because the point of view is not what I expected at certain points in the story (mind you, I’m not thinking politics first time through). Specifically, the POV in the last two lines of V1 and the last line in the chorus: “before we take you away.” I like the salesman angle, but since he’s on TV and not there in person, I’m not sure how that relates to him being taken away.

The structure and repetition of the hook is set up well to bring the message across. And the music is very cool sounding and appealing also…I like it a lot.

I’ll be curious to see what Harriet has to say…good luck with it!

Kristi

Only time for a quick one, this time. Mark S has summed up pretty much what I thought about the music. Very well done, although the grace note on the word say wasn't working for me.

The lyrics are ambiguous enough to fit a lot of situations, which is cool, but I did have a problem with knowing who was speaking. Is it the "salesman" or is it the singer? Perhaps a change of case in the chorus would help.

Nicely, done, Mark. I enjoyed listening to it.

Hi Mark,

Well, excuse me all over the place. I did not put this song into the context of current events. I must not have much of an imagination. What I do know is that someone is trying to sell a cowfull of lies in V1 and the chorus is questioning those lies. V2 is the singer's plea for tolerance and love where there is none, and V3 is the singer's cry for freedom. Generally speaking, this can be an indictment of any administration, in any country. The use of reggae is a stroke of genius, as we all know how powerful the music of Bob Marley was/is.
Musically, it sounded great to me, instrumentally, the harmonies, everything worked very well together.
Over on the mp3 forum, I commented that this was very confusing lyrically. After listening more, I don't know if you should dumb it down for the unaware listener, such as myself, or raise the listener's consciousness to think a little deeper. Personally I think it's just fine the way it is.

Ricki

This song has the same title as the Novel by Anna Quindlan and the Meryl Streep,Renee Zellweger movie "One True Thing" but I don't think it inspired this song. When I responded to this song on the Lyric 3 forum, I told Mark I didn't have a clue as to what he was talking about but when I look at it more carefully, it seems to be about or current administration. I think this song was inspired by politics, and informed by the Rolling Stone's song "Satisfaction" (lyrics), and Pink Floyd's "Money" (music)

Rolling Stones:
"When I'm watchin' my TV
and a man comes on to tell me
how white my shirts can be.
Well he can't be a man 'cause he doesn't smoke
the same cigarrettes as me."
(Stones are singing about advertisement lies)

Mark:
Salesman came on my TV
With a new brand of justice
He said everything’s changed, nothing’s the same
You’ll just have to trust us (Bush/Cheney/Rumsfeld?)
If you think with your heart they tear you apart
It’s a dangerous war (don't bother to think at all- we will handle this)
Every man that we find will be guilty
We can’t let them speak anymore (Guantanamo Bay, Abu Ghraib?)
(Mark upped the stakes-the lies are dangerous political ones and the salesmen are the men in power)


Is there one true thing in all the tales you tell me? (complete loss of confidence in national leadership)
One true thing, could be anything, in all that you say?
One true thing in all the words you've spoken
Is there a promise unbroken? ( a little forced I think)
One true thing that you can tell me today
Before we take you away? (Are you talking about impeachment?- otherwise this doesn't make any sense to me)

It is in the chorus that my attention wanders. You need some kind of hook working here. That "Justice- trust us" rhyme for instance. This is where you need to kick us in the gut with your point.

One thing I know
Every man has a story (even our enemies)
We can cover our fears
In a blanket of glory (I think "flag" is the blanket)
There is always a love to be found (No "enemy" is ever completely evil)
Still you say it isn’t so
Will you answer one question before you go?

So I wandered for years
On a carpet of lies ( I think he is saying he was duped)
Through the walls of the prisons
Hear the screams and the cries ( I interpret this as meaning he began to understand that our government was not innocent)
Listen to me, listen to me
Won’t you listen to me
If we lock our own souls into cages
How can we be free? (A rigid mindset is in fact a prison)


I know Mark is familiar with the classic rock tunes so is it art when he "borrows" from that genre? Yes, I think it is. That is part of the creative process. He is saying something contemporary using the familiar.

Hey Mark:

Love the music and delivery of this!

Chorus really worked for me too - very powerful.

When I heard the first verse, I thought this was a farewell to President Bush. It might be I guess - but I seem to be interpreting everything in a political context lately, so I can't be sure.

I thought verse 1 set the tone very well - then I kind of lost it after that. I seem to be the kind of listener who either needs strong imagery or a concrete chain of events.

I think of a song like American Pie - every line in it can be given an interpretation related to the history of rock and roll. But before I even knew that, it worked for me just because of the imagery and story lines.

If this song IS what I think it's about, I can go through it line by line and give it an interpretation that makes sense - but I kinda have to really work at it. Unlike American Pie though, I can't make this one work for me without an interpretation.

As it is, I think this would work really well in a documentary where the viewer has a story on the screen to follow - this would probably really resonate with me in that situation. As a stand-along song though I'm not getting that punch to the gut....

I dunno - just one opinion here. See what others have to say. Even if it isn't about President Bush, if it was mine, I'd be tempted to take it in that direction with some more concrete imagery or stories.

Musically, as I indicated above, it was a real treat for me.

Scott

First listen impression: (OK, I have heard this over in the mp3 section, but it's been a week or so). Classic Bob Marley type start with a little heavier guitar feel. Chorus stands out pretty well. It is just a cool little reggae song. However, it doesn't really do anything that separates itself from any of the other fine reggae songs out there. Therefore we have to look towards the lyrics for more inspiration.

OK, I just went back and read the comments above about the lyrics and I don't think I am going to add anything useful, so I just look forward towards Harriet's review.

Kevin

I don't know where everybody is this week. I know the economy is in the tank but did Sam's Club repo your computer?

I read through the comments and I don't get the reference to Bob Marley. I don't listen to a lot of reggae but it seems more obvious to me that this song was inspired (musically) by Pink Floyd. There are some vocal and rhythm similarities with Marley but Marley had that brass section sound and that muted, scratchy rhythm guitar driving the beat. We'll ask Mark but, but if he wasn't thinking Pink Floyd, I'm a monkeys uncle.

Have a listen to Money: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4hkjkTe5kZE

Hello, Mark!! Hard for me to critique your songs, I'm such a fan. Anyway, love the feel and the rockin' reggae mon! Very interesting lyric and some terrific lines (my favorites were already mentioned). Excellent chorus!! That line about "before we take you away", scares me a little. If you are singing to me...are you fixin' to lock me up? Ha! Verse one sounds that it is about government or the justice system, though why a salesman? (maybe salesmen are liars) he he. Now, verse two and three seem more about an untruthful lover. As always, a very interesting song to listen to!

Well, I think everyone is just having a hard time, like Brenda and myself.
I've listened, and listened, and I can't nit anything.

There may be a line or two that I would have written differently, but that wouldn't change anything about this song. It's well written, great sound, very nicely done, imo.