Dear Mark,

I liked the simplicity and sparseness of this song. The music is like the pitcher of sweet tea I drank at the end of the scorching day we moved into our Nashville home. It goes down smooth and feels good all the way!

As you may know, I’ll respond to your song as if we were writing it together. Just relying on my inner applause meter as to which parts of the song make the needle jump to the red and which don’t move it much.

I like to emphasize how important the first couple of lines are to set the context for the rest of the song. For that reason, if this were my song, I wouldn’t open it with the title. Being a stranger to the song and hearing “Just another day since you’ve been gone now….” (Picture yourself walking up to a stranger in the street and saying these words – what would they get from that?) I’m feeling that there haven’t been many days since the person is gone. You could argue that the next two lines clear that up, but I’m a new listener and all I know is these first two lines.

For that reason, I’d prefer:

I’ve been counting days – That makes it clear that it’s been a while.
Since you’ve been gone now – maybe I’d eliminate the “now” – I’m not sure that’s necessary. So the first piece would be:

Verse1
I’ve been counting days
Since you've been gone
Sometimes I just stay
Up all night long

Nice setting up of a lyrical and melodic pattern and then a nicer shift into a variation in your lift!

Lift1
I sit and drink alone
A one-man riot – I love this line! It’s unique, ironic and darkly humorous.
Got time to think - this place
Is full of peace and quiet – I think you’re doing a great job of expressing a finely-tuned irony. Ordinarily, one might think peace and quiet is desirable, but “full of peace and quiet” in this situation is obviously said with a tear in the eye and tongue in the cheek. Good work!


Chorus – Here’s where I’d call for some big changes. Basically, you’re not saying anything in this chorus. You’re even saying that you’re not saying anything! I think this song would be exponentially better if you filled in this chorus lyric with the content that is currently in your bridge. You could even have what’s called a rotating or changing chorus. Each chorus would be different. Parts could remain the same and parts change. See “Moments” the hit by Emerson Drive for what I mean. Wow! That could have some impact if you put some “furniture” (images) in the chorus and brought out the double meaning of Just Another Day: 1. This day has no importance because you’re not with me. 2. I’m surviving here one day at a time.

Let me try to take a stab at showing you what I mean:

Just another day without you
I won’t see your face
I don’t have to think about you
Nothing special ‘bout this pain – (setting up the “just another” concept)
That doesn’t go away
It's just another day


Verse2
Finally got some room
In this old bed now – Lovely!
Don't have your perfume
To fill my head now- Delicious!

Lift2
The sun is rising
Sleep is finally calling
But when my eyes are closed
I feel like I'm falling – So pure and emotional!

Repeat Chorus

Possible changes:
Just another day without you
You won’t be in my way
I don’t have to walk around you - I’m not saying these are great lines. Just trying to show you how they might change. Trouble is, you’ve worked up a pretty fancy rhyme scheme here and it would probably take me hours to come up with lines that I’d be happy with. That’s you’re mission, should you choose to take it!
Nothing special ‘bout this pain – (setting up the “just another” concept)
That doesn’t go away
It's just another day


Bridge: If you re-work the chorus/es, you may not need such a long bridge. Maybe the bridge is where you could introduce the “If I can make it /I’m just trying to get through…Just another Day” idea.

Idea: So I try to keep myself together, try not to cry or get lost in regrets and hope I can make it through….Just another day without you….

Ad then another two new lines in your last chorus that follow through with this idea.

This is a fine piece of writing!

Write On,

Pat

The "one man riot" line doesn't seem to fit with "full of peace and quiet."
I might also drop one line from the chorus.
I didn't think "since you went away" was needed there.

Otherwise it sounded good to me.

That's two weeks in a row now where I feel like I'm hard-pressed to suggest any improvements.

Wonderful song, in my opinion....

But I'll try to press on:

What I really like about this is the build in the lyric - the singer starts off listing advantages to being alone. But it's done wryly and you know that he knows that he's kidding himself. By the time you get to the bridge you know what's coming - and it does.

I like the musical delivery too - the simple arrangement is perfectly suited to the song, I think and the vocal is a good match too.

It feels ready to go to me.....

Under the theory that any song can be improved, I'll throw out some suggestions. But even if the song was mine I wouldn't feel like I had to pay any attention to them.

In the verses now is rhymed with now. However, it works.

Not to say that you couldn't get a little more impact with a different line though.

The last two lines of the bridge throw me a little for some reason. It's not the "never said I was wrong" idea - that's a good one, I think. I think it's the "at least". I know what Mark is shooting for here and it fits. Just wonder if there is a slightly better way to say it....I'll come back if something occurs to me but don't hold your breath...

Not much help here other than to give you props, Mark. Nice one.

Scott

Oh goody, I'm the lead-off batter! (though by the time I actually POST it.... ) Anyhoo, down to business...

First off Mark, the good stuff: I like it.

The hook has a nice familiar feel to it, and the tune is very catchy. I've listened to it three times now, and I'm already singing along. I think the single guitar accompaniment is perfect for the lyric, because there is a sense of understatement about the whole piece.

Vocally, I think it supports the story nicely....there is a compelling trying-to-soothe-himself quality to it. I also enjoyed the runs in the chorus.

The lyric itself has a simplicity to it, but there are some idiosyncrasies which are noteworthy. The repetition of the word "now", for instance. This is a fine example of referring back to and reinforcing the hook.

Also, within your clever ABAB format in your verses, you've configured some subtle yet poignant extended rhymes:

Just another day
Since you've been gone now
Sometimes I just stay
Up all night long now

Finally got some room
In this old bed now
Don't have your perfume
To fill my head now

Overall, I'd say my favorite section is this:

That I won't touch your face
Or see you smile after
Or know the dreams you chase
Or feel your easy laughter

!!!

Okay, on the other side of the coin....I do have a few questions about the lyric and some of your musical choices. They're somewhat haphazard, as I was taking notes, so please excuse my format...

I'm not too sure about the use of the word "riot" in Lift 1 -- while I think it's a wonderfully vivid image, a riot suggests to me a wave of uncontrolled emotions/people, etc. If anything, the singer seems CALM to me. I'd hate to lose the nice rhyme with quiet, so how about:

I sit and drink alone
Might as well try it
Got time to think - this place
Is full of peace and quiet

Also, I would have preferred a little more of a delay between the end of the lift and the start of the chorus. It feels like I wanted a bit more time to chew on the story you had set up so far... Later on though, the break between the end of the Bridge and the beginning of the chorus is perfect. I believe that sort of dramatic pause could be used effectively after the lifts as well.

I have mixed feelings about the transition between the chorus and the bridge....While I've been "singing your praises" about the use of the word "now" elsewhere, I think if you're going to use it here, you should probably give it a smidge more emphasis.

Finally, and this is my last specific point, I was confused and ultimately disappointed in the last two lines of the bridge. I don't understand how it fits into the song....It would make sense to me if he had said "I never said YOU were wrong"...suggesting that before she left him, he never pointed fingers and played fair. Is there supposed to be a pause after the word "that", so he is apologizing for never having brought all this up?

If the intent was to allow room for personal interpretation of the circumstances, I'm not sure it works....because I can't figure out any way to interpret it.

Having said that, though, I have a sneaky suspicion I'm just missing something here. I know your work, and I can't imagine you would have included such a purposely confusing ending. I look forward to hearing someone say, "DUH Beth, it's because of x, y and z".

Before signing off, Mark, let me just say that overall, I enjoyed this very much. Again, the fact that I'm humming it to myself as I'm typing this is to me at least, the sign of a dang good song. The nits I had were just that -- small points which I feel could be easily rectified.

I look forward to reading the other member comments, Pat's critique, and finally, your response to it all. Thanks for sharing and letting us examine this much more closely than we might have otherwise.

Good luck,
Beth

EDIT: SO MUCH FOR MY BEING FIRST THEORY....

Hi Mark (and everyone),

first of all, congratulations for this song: everything's good (lyrics, music, performing).

But I suppose some points could be even better, with the help of everyone in this forum. As for me, here are a few nits:
- the meaning of the last quatrain is not very clear to me
- musically, I'd prefer the lift to start right behind the verse, the lyrical pause there seems a wee bit long for me
- melodically, I'd prefer the endings (last syllables) of the odd lines of the chorus to be simpler, without the melismas (is that the right word?)

Besides that, a very enjoyable piece of music, Mark.

Take care,
Yann.

I think this is a pleasant song. It’s kind of a low key lament about loss. I like the syncopated guitar accompaniment. I can picture it played in a movie scene of a guy looking out the window as the rain is falling- fade to various scenes of the two together.

So looking at it that way, I think it is working OK. If I were going to suggest something to make it more ambitious, I think it would need more “hook” in the chorus because right now there is no compelling connection between the story and the hook

In your chorus, you say, “nothing much to say about you” but clearly the fellow is thinking of nothing BUT her! So the line doesn’t fit the sentiment of the song. It does sound good with its companion rhyme line but that is hardly enough justification to keep it. It is at this point that we are expecting some kind of payoff.

Now in my opinion for your chorus to work well, you would have to give us examples of how life was interesting with her and boring without her. You finally do take this approach in the bridge which is the most effective part of the song.

The one line that didn’t work at all for me was the last line of the bridge, “At least I never, ever said that I was wrong” That line is like a wart on a pretty face- I don’t think it contributes to making the song cohesive. You probably mean to say that you should have apologized but pride kept you from doing so and that maybe she might have stayed had you done so. But that is a lot to say in one line. Still you have to figure that out if you want a stunning song. Roger Miller figured it out in his song “Husbands and Wives” when he wrote: “It’s my belief pride is the chief cause in the decline in the number of husbands and wives”

Again, like last week, I think this is a good song that could still be improved.

...

Anyone else seeing this lyric as just one huge pity party where no one else is invited?
Derek

Lyle,
It is sad. The only reward here is the realization that his pride has made him miserable. For a sad song such a lesson is "payoff" enough for me. Sadness just ain't as popular as it used to be.

The one man riot line I really like and the ending is very good to me.

Rhyming words with themselves I don't know. The perfume line seems to want a stronger verb. Like- that's not your perfume/ filling my head now.


Have fun,
John

Hi Mark,

I really like this song, and like other folks, I found it pretty difficult at first to have suggestions for improvement. I think the simple arrangement with vocals and acoustic guitar absolutely fit the mood and subject matter of the song. I'm a fan of the melody throughout - the verses, chorus and bridge. All very pleasant, and quite memorable to me. Truly enjoyable overall, and no specific nits on these two facets. So that left me with the lyrics to focus on in terms of possible improvement. And while I did like them on the first couple of listens, after spending a little more time with them, I feel that they could be upgraded in a few areas. Here goes:

The idea of a guy trying to convince himself that he's better off now that she's gone, and holding onto the tenuous notion that at least he didn't have to admit that he was wrong, is well done and nicely presented in the song. It's not the only song with subject matter such as this, but it definitely works. I feel though, that with a little more time spent, the lyrics could go from ok, to very good. Here are a few thoughts/comments:

Verse1
Just another day
Since you've been gone now
Sometimes I just stay
Up all night long now
Not sure if I'm a big fan of the word "now". It feels like a "yeah" or an "ooh" to me, so I might consider rewriting these lines so the prosidy works as well as it does now, without them. It feels like filler. And so does the word "just" in this verse. And I'm not sure the concept of staying up all night is the best way to let us know the singer is feeling right off the bat. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is he happy about it? Or is this a complaint? If he's implying that he's happy about it, and I think he is because he seems to be listing the facts he's skewing as positive, maybe "I get to stay up all night night long" would let us know that a little better.

Lift1
I sit and drink alone
A one-man riot
Got time to think -- this place
Is full of peace and quiet
In this portion I again get the mixed impression that he wants to portray these acts a being positive, yet they don't come across this way to me. If the singer is being sarcastic, then I'm not sure that can be easily relayed in this song without somehow making it obvious he has his tongue planted in his cheek throughout (i.e. changing the hook/title to something that implies sarcasm as well). Drinking alone isn't generally socially acceptable, and the phrase "one man riot" doesn't seem to really portray someone having a good time to me. "Riot" feels like a word that sort of works and more importantly rhymed with quite. ( Been there, still do that) So basically, is he honestly trying to list the positives he's trying to convince himself of, or is he being sarcastic? The current version doesn't make either approach obvious to me.

Chorus
Just another day without you
Just another day
Nothing much to say about you
Nothing much to say
Since you went away
Just another day
I like most of these chorus lyrics. Memorable... makes me want so sing along, etc. The one phrase that stands out and may need some help is "Nothing much to say about you". It works from a meter/timing perspective, and it does express the "ho hum" attitude he's trying to make us believe, but who would this guy be talking to anyway if he's hanging out alone? I would prefer something that again reinforces the concept of what the singer is trying to convince us of, with something like "Life goes on the same without you". Or "Everything's the same without you". Both of these say what he wants to say to us, and are contrary to the actions/activities he describes making it pretty obvious that's not the case, even if he doesn't realize it... just like the title itself.

Verse2
Finally got some room
In this old bed now
Don?t have your perfume
To fill my head now
I like the first two lines here. Same comment about the "nows," as above though. The last two lines feel a little forced to me. I don't think of perfume filling someone's head to be a thing that's a common problem someone would be happy to be without ("Damn it honey, your perfume is filling my head again!" ). I like the imagery it brings, and the fact that it tells us he is focusing on what's gone, but I think some other personal touch could be as affective and not feel as forced . Maybe "All those annoying plants are almost dead (now)." Not very romantic, but you get the idea -- a phrase that is worded in a way that sounds like a common expression or way of speaking.

Lift2
The sun is rising
Sleep is finally calling
But when my eyes are closed
I feel like I?m falling
This lift really confused me, especially the "I feel like I'm falling". I get he's been up all night and finally getting some sleep (or going to bed). I think he's saying he's afraid to close his eyes because of the bad memories. But to me it sounds a little like he's going to get the "bed spins" from having too much to drink. Falling is also a phrase used in "falling in love" which can also make this a little confusing.

Bridge
That I won?t touch your face
Or see you smile after
Or know the dreams you chase
Or feel your easy laughter
Who needs to hear your voice
Singing your favorite song
At least I never, ever said
That I was wrong
I love the way the chorus leads into the bridge - "Just another day... that I won't..." but from the way it's written currently, I kinda feel like you painted yourself into a corner. I know you're leading up to the final two lines where he talks about never having to say he's wrong, but the lines leading up to it don't work for me. He suddenly starts listing positives like he's suddenly admitting to missing her, then he goes back to being mad with "Who needs to hear your voice...". I'm not sure if you're trying to show he's slipped up momentarily but suddenly gotten a hold of his resolve half way through, but if so, it's not obvious enough. I think this bridge could be the departure it's supposed to be if he finally admits it a little and is more like "Sure, I may not have all of this good stuff, but, at least I didn't have to admit I was wrong." So he admits he DOES miss some of it, but he's trying to say it's worth it (and we all know it isn't). Maybe something more like:

That I won't touch your face
Or hear your easy laughter
Or feel your soft embrace
Or know the dreams you're after
I may not hear your voice
Singing my favorite song, but
At least I never had to
Say that I was wrong

Really a very nice song, Mark. I really liked it - especially the melody - but I do think that lyrics could use a pretty hefty overhaul to make them stellar. I hope some of what I wrote might be helpful to you.

Hi Mark,

Okay, I “cheated” and read some of the other comments and I have to say I did not “get it” as him being glad she was gone. So I read it over again. Lo and behold, I can now see that. And once again, I missed it! Either way though, I do want to say that I really like the guitar and melody. It’s a nice, reflective song, yet feels like a soft lament. In order to offer something constructive, I’m thinking it would help to expand on the emotional level a bit. Right now, I’m like, yeah, that’s fine. But I’d like to say, yeah, wow, and since I missed the subtle celebration the narrator is having, it might be a good thing to point us more in that direction.

I like the chorus but think it could say more to bring out his true feelings. He says he has nothing much to say about her, that’s fine. But he says it again and obviously he does have more to say, especially upon hearing the bridge. Initially, the bridge confused me, and I didn’t know if he was glad or sad and the last line came out of nowhere. But now after being “enlightened,” I have to say his mixed feelings were lost on me.

In my eyes, if he is glad he has his dignity intact, even though he misses those things mentioned in the bridge, it would be more than just another day to him. Cuz if he’s missing her, but glad he can do all those things he talks about in the verses, I would think it would be a different hook. Just another day suggests monotony, routine, dullness so I think that’s why I was confused.

Not sure if any of this is helpful, but that’s my reaction….good luck with it!

Kristi

As far as the "now" rhymes, I was actually rhyming the preceeding word: gone now...long now. That's probably why it felt like it worked.

As soon as I read your comment on the last two lines of the bridge I went back and read them over and said, "Uh-oh." It was not clear (as Beth and many others later agreed.) If I do keep the current bridge, I'll consider something like:

That I won't touch your face
Or see you smile after
Or know the dreams you chase
Or feel your easy laughter
And I won't hear your voice
Singing your favorite song
Or have the chance to say
I'm sorry I was wrong

Dear Mark,

I don't recall anyone making such detailed responses to individual feedbacks. You really did your homework.

You asked if you have to ditch the "nows." You don't HAVE to do anything! But you do have to make a creative decision on which feels best to you.

When we work with a title, we use our own "12 Steps to Building Better Songs" method. (Our book is available on our website.) We choose a title and then we talk about the 50 ways it could go. Then we pick the two or three most exciting to us. The best trick of songwriting is to have the same title and to set it up with verse 1, verse 2 and the bridge so that it means three different things. A great example of that is "There Goes My Life" a hit for Kenny Chesney. When you're re-thinking your bridge, it would be a fine thing to accomplish that the last chorus puts a new slant on the meaning of the title.

Write On!

Pat
http://www.writesongs.com

Hi, Mark!

This is nicely done and nicely sung. I like how you progressively add more bits of the story in the lifts and verses. It makes us want to know more and keep listening.

I also like how the "just another day" hook works two ways in meaning. At first "just another day" could mean that it's no big deal that the partner is gone, but after the bridge, the hook could mean that it's "just another day" as in nothing special about it because the person who made it special has gone away, therefore daily life has become monotonous and without excitement.

So does he really miss her or what? I think he does because:

The "one man riot" may have been a convenient rhyme but I think it was rather clever and "tongue in cheek" because it is followed by "peace and quiet" which would be an antonymous phrase.

He says he sometimes stays up all night NOW which could imply that when his partner was there, that was not a regular pattern. On this occasion, he has stayed up all night, thinking about his partner. If he were not bothered by the situation, he probably wouldn't give it another thought.

The bridge gives us more clues about how he is really feeling and also reveals what may have gone wrong with the relationship because:

He lists what could be seen as positive qualities of his significant other. Touching her face and seeing her smile is a very tender thing to do and that he would mention it, implies that it was something he was fond of doing.

He says "feel your easy laughter" rather than hear. That could have been an avoidance of having to use "hear" in two phrases so close together and if it was I think you made a good choice in using "feel your laughter." It implies a sympathetic response, just as the phrase "I feel your pain" does. Easy laughter could mean that she laughed a lot with very little provocation but it could also mean that it was pleasant and easy to listen to.

What went wrong in this relationship? "Nothing much to say about you" - he actually has a lot to say about her and it appears that none of it is really negative. Since that is the case, the problem probably wasn't so much about her but about himself since he says at the end of the bridge, "At least I never, ever said That I was wrong." The "never, ever" tells us that this is a person who never acknowledges mistakes. If he never acknowledges mistakes, he more than likely never apologizes.
Everyone makes mistakes. In relationships, it is important to acknowledge them and to let the other person know you are sorry. Perhaps that is the reason she left.

There is just enough ambiguity in the lyrics to leave it open for interpretation. This is good because more listeners may be able to relate to it and insert the details and emotional impact of their own relationships into the song.

Now about the music. For me it fits everywhere except for the bridge.

Lyrically the bridge does what it is supposed to do - it adds new information to the song- and it does it very well. Likewise, the melody of the bridge should do the same thing but in this case it stays very low key and the melody is not distinctively different. It needs to be at least as catchy as the chorus or perhaps even more memorable. It should "wake up" those who are hearing it for the first time, and for those who have heard it before, it should be something they are longing to hear again. Something worth the wait. For this piece, the melody needs to clarify how the singer is REALLY feeling. In my interpretation of the story, he really does miss her and has strong feelings. If this is the case, then the melody should have more dramatic movement. Even if my interpretation of the story is incorrect, the melody of the bridge should still be very much different than the rest of the melody, otherwise it becomes monotonous.

So in short, the only thing that needs work in my opinion is the melody of the bridge.

Good job, Mark!

PS: If you changed perfume to fragrance, scent, or cologne, and changed the "one man riot" to something else like "Yeah, I'm a riot, the gender of both the singer and the significant other would be ambiguous, thus making it even more versatile.

This reminds me a lot of "Bluer Than Blue," the Michael Johnson song from, well, a long time ago now. Even stylistically.

They both seem to me to be talking about how the small everyday things that might seem easier when a relationship breaks up are cold comforts.

I think Mark is going for irony when he talks about having time to think in peace and quiet and having plenty of room in an unperfumed bed. Some folks here didn't get the irony, and I think that's because the chorus really doesn't "have much to say."
It falls flat because, really, who wants to hear someone say they don't have anything to say? The Michael Johnson song, on the other hand, makes the irony visible because the narrator lays his feelings out on the table.

And the verses -- the story arc -- is basically somebody lying in bed drinking until the sun comes up. That's not intrinsically interesting, and the imagery isn't strong enough to pull it off in my opinion. The bridge is the only place that gives the listener much of a reason to care at all.

I know Pat likes to think in terms of collaboration.
Maybe the narrator could actually describe a good day -- good things that happened described with strong images -- and still be thinking that it was just another day without her.
Maybe he landed a great new job or the cute waitress at the cafe gave him her phone number. But it's still just another day without her.
You know -- life is moving on, but his heart can't. I think that's a pretty common feeling after a breakup. I know they sent my mail to that address a time or two.

Hi Mark,

I really like your treatment of this, the guitar vocal were both very well done and I have no nits at all. Lyrically I think this is deceptively simple. You could add more description, paint more pictures but where so you stop? It doesn't appear to say much and yet it tells you everything you need to know in order to understand the song. Admirably understated.
I may have totally missed the boat, but this isn't ambiguous or confusing at all, any more than a broken relationship is to the people involved. Is he happy or is he sad? I'd say yes and yes.

Ricki

Mark

Melody I prefer the 1st and 3rd its a good one. I suggest to stick into it and try to copy in your 2 lifts I think it will work fine.

A little dynamics in the chorus to seperate them or make the chorus soar from your verses

Loosen up with the rhymes especially "now"

1st
Just another day
Since you've been gone
Sometimes I just stay
Up all night long now

3rd
Finally got some room
In this old bed
Don't have your perfume
To fill my head


LAstly I like the melody and the lines in your bridge except the last 2 lines. For me is a little ackward. Maybe you can write a better one like to compliment or to remember all this guy regrets in his lonely times.

Goodluck

Lynman

Mark,

I admit I haven't listened for a few days, and there's been an awful lot of great comments already written about this. I like short phrases as well, by the way.

From what I remember, melodically, the lift doesn't really lift very well, instead of an extension coming out of the verses, it sounds kinda like a new verse motif or something. It just doesn't keep the momentum up.

After awhile, I lose a little sympathy for the guy. It is a little "woe is me."

"opinions are like..."

Cheers,

Barry

Hey Mark,

I've listened to this a few times over, and I've gotta say, it's almost there.

The odd small glitch here and there , the odd mis-phrase ( Never, ever would work out better as just "never" )

Some reviewers have gone into great depth. I don't think that's necessary with a song such as this.

It's obviously a work tape, and I always ask myself "how would I like this number to sound as a finished product ? " Not much different really.

The crticial value lies in the work itself. Is it a piece of value, or something which should be re-written ? In this case it's worth finishing, and tightenig the rough spots.

Suggestions ?

Musically it's fine, but I would add a more open ( picked ) approach to the backing ot the verses, and back to a more percussive nature in the lift and the chorus. The main guitar riff is catchy and grabs the listener. The bridge ( at 2.00 ) definitely needs a change of tone, light with lots of harmonics. ( And there's plenty of room for harmonic expansion ) Send it off to Tommy Emmanuel, and he'd make wonders of it.

Lyrically it doesn't say a great deal, and doesn't need to, as a slice of life piece. Really like the line "one man riot". Returning to the storyline at 1.08 is a nice touch. From an observation, back to the narrative. Musically, ( dynamically ) at this point, it sould fly off the cliff, and come back to a more subdued tone.

Production wise, it's just a little stilted, which can be easily fixed. The vocal can be cleaner, more up front, and the sibilance needs attention, but again a minor issue.

Now, where's it's home ? A dozen different places, from where I can tell. Due to it's open nature, it can slot into a club, a busker situation in a tube station, many a film/TV slot, or even done as a more worked up number with maybe a 3-4 piece with some very light b/v's. It would be appealing to a publisher, for this reason. Versatile, and usable.

Oh yeah, did I say I like the tune too. Very well written. Best of luck with it.

cheers, niteshift

This is a very good song in a modern singer/songwriter style. Kinda has a Dave Matthews vibe about it. Unlike many songs in that genre, it has a memorable melody and hook that goes around in your head after a couple of listens. Very musical with an interesting chord progression.

The guitar playing is simple and well played. The vocals are equally well done resulting in a very listenable song.

Others have mentioned some lyrics that seem questionable, but I like them pretty much as they are. There aren't many songs with the words "one-man riot" rhyming with "quiet" in them. Nice not to hear the same old stuff. I also like "after" rhyming with "laughter".

Whether or not you like the message or the attitude expressed, I think this a quality song.

C

Dear Mark... I enjoyed listening to this.....
I did read the comments when I popped on here last week....but
prior to reading them...just one word bothered me....

the riot word....add me to the list.... I paused on it..when I both read it and listened to it..... if it were mine, I'd consider changing the rhyme there...if you're struggling with
coming up with something.

I thought your melody was very well done and nicely conveyed...too.

good job....
best to you......
Kaley

Miss Willow's Fence Row (NEW CD!!)
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Andy & Friends CD
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Piano Music and Demos (Many Genres)
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Children's Songs
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I am a little late to the game here. Really enjoying the singing and playing (reminds me a little bit of MJM here at the JPF).

I thought the lift needed a trifle more work. It seems that you're struggling to get this line "Is full of peace and quiet" out -- like you are unsure of the phrasing there.

I can hear a jazzy acoustic bass and a little conga action being added to fill it out, but still keep it warm and intimate.

Good song all around.

Kevin

I liked the music to this and the vocal delivery is good. The lyric holds together for me nicely. The only thought I have is the last two lines of the bridge "At least I never, ever said that I was wrong." I suppose this is meant to convey that in lieu of saying he was wrong, the singer gave up having a relationship with this person. If that's what it means, I think that part of the lyric that needs to be a bit stronger.

I think maybe some tweaks to the lyric with a few more unique images might be in order too. I say this because I'm not sure I will remember much about this one when the music stops. It did not pull me in and resonate with me. If this were mine, I guess I would sketch out the relationship a bit and decide some things about my characters, then I would add those details back to the lyric. Overall however, I thought this was a nice, honest song. Very easy on the ears and pleasant to listen to.

Wow, I'm really late on this one. Sorry!

I listened to your song several times, haven't read the comments just yet though. A lot of them, not sure I'll get through them all.

I do like the melody you have, very nice listening. I really like that it's not a slow, drag me down melody. It helps keep the song off prozac.

I like the way this is simple and still says alot. I love the first lift, one man riot and full of peace and quiet. Excellent images. Very nice.

The chorus is a little vague, not any real info here, where I, the listener, need info. I want to know why he could care less, what makes him seem so blah about waking up in the morning. Which leads to the bridge. Seems like after all of this, we need to know, he knows, he's wrong. I want to feel for him, but she's the one I'm feeling for. She had a nice smile, an easy laugh, and soft skin (apparently) but he never eludes to why she left or what she did wrong, so I have to assume it was him and an uncaring attitude.

I know this is late, and you're probably through reading all the reviews already, but I just thought I'd toss my 2 cents in.