Happy Weekend JPF'rs!

Thought I'd jump into the way-back machine and dust this one off. It's kind of wordy and I hadn't yet learned how to breath but it's one of the only uptempo songs I have. There's still loads of room for improvement so, let me have it. Thanks,

Ricki

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=8623200

FIRST TIME
©Ricki E. Bellos

First time I saw him he had his arms around some chick
Eying me over her shoulder, the boy was out to get his kicks
I was too young to know, I let him dance me out the door
Out into the parking lot where he wanted so much more

I thought I was in love, never been there before
As he turned to go he said I'm so glad I could be your
First time
Yeah, he was my first time

You always get what you want, or so you told me on our first date
You said it again when you wanted love and I told you we should wait
You would not accept no, so I gave you more than you could take
But when you proposed I had to go, the love I gave was fake

You can't leave me now, I get what I want and I bought you a ring
As I turned to go I said there is for everything a
First time
Yeah, there's a first time for everything

Years have gone by, I am alone and for now I like it that way
Men have come and gone but my self-respect is here to stay
I've done things I'm not proud of but forgiven myself anyway
Odds are bound to turn in my favor one of these days

I'm sure there's a real love, a true love for me
The kind of love I'm thinking of will find me eventually for the
First time
Yeah, for the very first time
First time
First time
First time
First time

Ahhhh Ricki


Even your way back stuff has the Stuff -- yeah ya gotta give it your new skills -- but I like what you have to say and I really like the tempo on this....... phrasing is rushed here and there but hey -- you can fix it ; ) ....... cool write... I'll come back to see if I can be of more help. jm

HI Ricki:

Glad you dusted this one off - I like it!

Yeah, I think it might be worth another crack at the vocal now that you can breathe.

I think the lyric of verses 1 and 3 is pretty much perfect. First one has good imagery and the third has cool ideas.

V2 had me a little confused at the third and fourth lines. "Gave you more than you could take" followed by him proposing makes it sound to my (old fashioned?) ears like she got pregnant and he tried to do the "right thing". But if that was the case, I'd think he'd be relieved when she said no.

Was it something else? I ought to be able to get this but it's been a long week.

Is very close though - and very good too!

Scott

Wow, brings back memories for me in my own experience. Your voice is always so...Joni Mitchell (hope you take it as the compliment I meant it to be). This is such a bittersweet song, in my opinion. I loved your playing and delivery on it.

Hi JM,

Thanks and glad you like it. I know it needs some streamlining but after this much time, it's hard to separate myself from it. Any specifics would be great. I might be able to sing it better now, but I don't know if I can sing it that fast. I've slowed down a lot.

Ricki

Hi Scott,

Thanks for the comments and glad you liked (most) of it. V2 is more a case of him getting more than he bargained for, but only temporarily because of her not having the same depth of feeling. Make any more sense?

Ricki

Hi Ricki

I'm sending some thoughts in a pm ; )

j

Is this up-tempo number just because of me always demanding faster tunes? Yea, I always get what I want (ha, ha).

Needs some bass, drums and crunchy electric guitars especially during the choruses. May have to add "he said:" before You can't leave me now, I get what I want and I bought you a ring. It's wordy -- but I don't think it is too wordy for this style -- it's all in the phrasing (which I generally don't execute very well myself!).

Cool tune, I enjoyed -- but I could hear those guitars going crunch, crunch, crunch and the bass and drums going boom, crash, boom!

Kevin

Ricki.....I like your message in this one. A wrong love is not worth ones independence. It takes a strong woman to recognize a mistake and then learn from it. A good write.




redwing

Only a select few can sing this fast, phrase it in such a way and carry it off, and you're one of them. I love how you hit on 3 first times, (and how they are all very different) making love, when he has to be the one to be rejected and #3 the prospect of new love. I can see you sitting in a cafe w/the crowd intently listening and saying "wow this girl's really good". Do you play out Ricki? You have such a solid voice and you put so much feeling in your voice. Enjoyed.

Best,
Lynn

Hey Ricki, just a few lines seem a little crowded the rest
works very well, your vocal is really good, great voice and
the lyric and melody equally so, like it lots,

Tony.

Hi Rat,

You're cool no matter what speed you sing at, thanks for entertaining me.
GREAT STORY & I really liked the hot part....

You would not accept no, so I gave you more than you could take

did I tell you you're my favorite RAT !

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Ricki,
I like the development of the hook. Using "you" in v2 makes me wonder if there's someone specific she's singing to all the way through. Kind of had the same question as Scott did.

Sure sounds good.

have fun,
John

Love the vocals and the guitar .. very cool
guitar is great. Love the minors ... when I play out I first strike an AM then I tell the audience ... sorry I just had to get that out of my system ...

great song as always my friend. bluesy , jazzy style ... cool !!

Hi Polly,

Thanks so much for the JM comparison. She is my all time favorite, although I have never noticed her in that particular song. Glad you enjoyed the listen.

Ricki

Hi JM,

Received, responded and rescued. Thanks!

Ricki

Hi Kevin,

Yes, of course, this post is all about you! Thanks and glad you like it and if you happen to have bass, drums and crunchy electric guitars laying around, please, make yourself out!

Ricki

Hi Redwing,

Thanks for listening and commenting and letting me know you liked it.

Ricki

Hi Lynn,

Thanks so much for letting me know you liked this one. Although there are many opportunities for a singer/songwriter to play out around here, sadly I am not equipped to do so. I am not confident enough in myself and even have trouble breathing when I'm in the same room as someone listening to a recording of me! How pathetic is that? I am slowly working on improving my abilities which may boost my confidence but I ain't getting any younger. I'm glad at least the feeling comes across. That means a lot. Thanks.

Ricki

Hi Tony,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I'm working on streamlining the lyrics so it will sing smoother. It's hard going back to change an old one when you're so used to hearing in a certain way but that's what re-write is all about. And we love it, right?

Ricki

Hi Calvin,

Gee, thanks! I'm thrilled to be your favorite rat! Glad you had a chance to hear this one and liked it.

Ricki

Hi John,

Thanks for listening and commenting. I did a big fat no-no with this one and changed the POV. What can I say? If it's not confusing, then I can get away with it. If it is confusing, it shouldn't have been done. So, thanks to you and Scott, I guess I'll have to re-think it!

Ricki

Hi Dan,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. Yeah, I don't have many songs without a minor in it. What do you suppose that means?

Ricki

Well, Ricki, I'm a sucker for minor chords. I do think this song has potential but I think it would need a thorough rewrite to reduce some of the crowded spots. Aso, being a guy, I have no idea how the average woman would relate. I mean, it might be great subject matter, I don't know. Good luck!

Like the music and your singing.
I would trim and slow down some of the phrasing.

I like it. Good melody, interesting chords, good story and lyrics. The only fault I find is in the phrasing when you rush to squeeze the words in. More a delivery problem than a wordiness problem I think.

Hi Bill,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I'm currently trimming some of the lyrical fat, with help from JM, and think it will improve the song overall. As for the subject matter, maybe it is more of a chick thing, but I hope it has more universal appeal. Or not!

Ricki

Hi Scott,

Thanks for stopping by. I'm hoping that by trimming the lyrics I won't have to slow down the phrasing. I kind of like the pace now. Glad you like it.

Ricki

Hi Colin,

Thanks, glad you liked it. I'm finding that with a few less words, I can deliver a lot better. Wait, that didn't sound right!

Ricki

Hi Ricki,

I've missed listening to your stuff since I haven't been around of late. I don't have much more feedback that what you've already received from others, but this is still a very good song considering it's one of your 'early' ones. I like the lyrical twists to make the hook work in each verse. Your songs always come across as being so well thought out and tight conceptually. This one is no exception. Thanks for sharing.

Great points and plugs, just set the timing and you're off and running. Sorry, I spent too much time as a shade tree mechanic when I was young. LOL Love the guitar work and the vocal. I definitely hear the Joni in there. I like the independant attitude of the character, strong and a little cynical but hopeful. Song has style.

Ricki,

Did you notice it was only the guys who were bothered by the change in person or is it just me? I liked it. I think the feedback on the phrasing will help this a good bit. As Rob said, it's still very tight and well though out. Great work, as usual!

Hi Ricki,


Hope this finds you doing well.

You are sounding really good on this one! Great job, for this to have been one of your earlier works too.

I do think a little work on the phrasing will help tighten this up. I like your tempo on this one Ricki!

Take care.


Kind wishes,
Gail

Hey Ricki!
I keep seeing carly simon and jewell when listen to this song.
I love the lyrics! LOVE LOVE LOVE them.

and a real fun melody, BUT (I think you could do a little more with it)

Thanks for sharing this song!
sharla

Thanks for dusting this one off Ricki. Love the feel, the 60's feel to this one.

Now that youa re more experienced I would look her over, sing her over and see what comes out of it.

Good Luck.

Doug

Hi Rob,

Good to have you back. Hope you stick around. Thanks for listening and I'm glad you like this one.
"Your songs always come across as being so well thought out..."
Man, have I got you fooled!

Ricki

Hi Kim,

Thanks for stopping for a while and letting me know what you think.
"I like the independant attitude of the character, strong and a little cynical but hopeful." That's me in a nutshell. I didn't realize just how autobiographical this one was!

Ricki

Hi Wendy,

Thanks for your time and input. Glad you liked it. I have cut a few words here and there to smooth it out. Now all I have to do is forget how it used to be and learn it the new way, no easy task, especially with an old one. The song, not me!

Ricki

Hi Gail,

Thanks for taking time to listen and comment. I'm glad it worked for you. It's one of the only uptempo songs I have and it was quite a challenge to get that many words in. Cutting it down a bit should help.

Ricki

Hi Sharla,

Thanks. I'm not sure what more I can do melodically. Glad you liked the lyrics so much.

Ricki

Hi Dude,

Thanks for stopping by. Glad you liked my retro song, although I didn't really hear that myself. I'm smoothing it out a bit so it can only get better.

Ricki

Ricki,
Honesty seems so simple when you hear it but it is real hard to write.
I love this period. The guitar the melody the story the twist everything.
Your personality comes across so clearly in your work, I suggest your songwriting colleagues try to emulate you. I know I do.

Tom

HOWDY Ricki, this is great fun to spin, I started off just reading
then saw how you would start off each line slower, like you were winding up a rubber band, then you would let it go to the end. It
is an innovative presentation that I heard rarely, & always
enjoyed, looking forward to the re-cut................Gus

Hi Tom,

Thanks for stopping by and letting me know you liked this. I see I have you fooled as well. Dude, don't follow me, I'm just as lost as the rest of 'em!

Ricki

Howdy Gus,

Thanks and glad you had fun listening. I have no idea what you're describing with the rubber band analogy but if you enjoy the song, that's what counts!

Ricki

Hey Ricki...

Nice write...got some good sugs here.

It's kinda fun dusting them old ones off and look at them with fresh eyes.

Larry

Hi Ricki.....Yes it has a lot going for it....I agree that it seems wordy in places.....trimming a few here and there and perfecting delivery will cure that. I also think that this needs more than just guitar vocs and would like to see a full band production. Well done.

Ricki...hi there....sorry that I have been so absent from these boards of late...just had to take a few steps back for awhile and catch up on some projects.

I just listened to this FOR THE FIRST TIME(HA) and I really like the feel. To me....the main issue is the wordiness. As I was reading the lyric along with the listening, I see so many things that could have been eliminated without changing the meaning at all, plus it would make the vocal presentation alot more crisp...IMO and it would dramatically improve the phrasing....would make it so much more doable.(is that really a word...LOL?) I do love your singing and delivery on this one, but it could be really great with some careful whittling....let me know if you would be up for my "take" on that. I really am liking this one.

Jan

Hi Larry,

Thanks. Yeah, those moldy oldies can be very enlightening. Most times I remember why I left them on the shelf in the first place!

Ricki

Hi Big Jim,

Thanks for listening and commenting. Glad you liked it. I'd like to see a full band production myself. Got one laying around?

Ricki

Hi Jan,

Thanks for taking time to listen. I appreciate the offer of help. That you thought enough of the song means a lot to me. With a little self effort and help from JM, I think I have the lyric trimmed down to a "doable" state. (If that isn't a word. it ought to be!) Now it's just a matter of re-recording the vocals (the easy part)and finding a band and, voila! I have my one and only uptempo song. Life is good.

Ricki

A lot of music in this small production. Has a good feel to it. Yeah, tighten up the vocal a bit and it'll be ready to go. The voice fits it perfectly.

Let me know when you do a re-take on the vocal Ricki. I want to hear it again.

John

Hi John,

Thanks for the listen and glad you like it and would actually be willing to listen to it again!

Ricki

This is a cool song Ricki. It's cool and sad at the same time.

It's got a GREAT hook.

Peace,

Ian

Hi Ricki,

Interesting twist in the lyric, and overall very strong, lyrically.

there are a few phrasing issues, like "As he turned to go he said I'm so glad I could be your", "I am alone and for now I like it that way" and "The kind of love I'm thinking of will find me eventually for the"

and this line esp.: "You can't leave me now, I get what I want and I bought you a ring/As I turned to go I said there" ...it seems like "I get what I want" is in there again so we know it's him speaking, but I still find it a little confusing, due to the fact that "I said" follows quickly, and "I" was the last proper noun, in the preceding line too.

The phrasing issues will certainly all get worked out. You may consider "compacting" "You can't leave me now, I get what I want and I bought you a ring" like

"you said you couldn't leave/that you'd bought me a ring"

...this reminds me of Suzanne Vega at her best; very good work!

Mike

I like how the story progresses, takes you somewhere such as about lessons learned, how you are better off for it today, etc., also how you modify the chorus each time, provides more room to tell your stuff. If anything I would think about condensing some of the thoughts so you don't sound like your rushing to squeeze in all the words at certain points in the song. Also, exactly what happened between you two that first time in the parking lot?

Hi Ian,

Thanks for the warm fuzzies.

Ricki

Hi Mike,

The phrasing/wordiness seems to be the biggest issue with this one, so that's where I'll concentrate my efforts. Thanks for your input, glad to see you back.

Ricki

Hi Charlie,

Thanks for your thoughts. I'll be cutting out the extra words so they should flow smoother.

"Also, exactly what happened between you two that first time in the parking lot?"

You're kidding, right?

Ricki

This is stuff that should be in the front, not in the back of the closet.

Tom

This is a great write about something urgent for most people.
The first love is the deepest?
I must add that this is worth to work on.
Love it!
Ken

Hi Tom,

You don't want to know what's in the back of my closet!

Ricki

Hi Ken,

Thanks for listening. I don't know about being the deepest, but it would seem like first love sticks with us like no other, even when it goes bad.

Ricki

Glad you posted this one Ricki. I really enjoyed the folk sound.

Steve

Hi Stevie,

Thanks for listening and glad you enjoyed it.

Ricki

This is great, but seems squeezed for time lyrically......I apologize if previous comments echo this.

😁