Here's a demo...Tempo needs goosing/poorly mixed....Nevertheless.

http://www.soundclick.com/torchjunkies
Lyrics are posted with song...


Jeremy

I think there is about 10 seconds of dead space in the beginning, probably should remove that. The second vocal seems too loud compared the the main voice. You have a "dreamy" quality to the song, which I am not sure fits the lyrics. Seems like the song has promise, but it is not doing it for me in the current state.

Hey Jeremy:

I like the lyric for this - and jailface is a wonderfully descriptive word. You should pretend it was your first choice all along

Melody worked pretty well for me too. Performance wasn't quite there for me though. I know you said the mix was rough...

Agree with Kevin that the answering voice is too loud. Also think that drum beat isn't working. Kevin said that the song had a dreamy quality which might not fit the lyric. I agree somewhat. In my opinion, the problem isn't with the melody but in the arrangement. First thing I think is to get a better drum beat - one more rock-oriented.

And then the vocals made a little more edgy and the main vocal brought up in the mix.

And then see what's needed after that

All just one opinion from an average Joe. Think this could be pretty cool....

Scott

Hi Jeremy.
First of all, drop that drum loop. It's killing the feel of the song. I really enjoy the vibe of the song but the performance could be improved.
Keep it up!!!
All the best
Jan Petter

Thanks for the feedback guys

Still learning how to bounce/overdub/mix on a four track cassette-so there's still a learning curve.. yes Scott, you hit my 2 biggest problems with the track...That glue footed tempo.. and the vocal mix. Rehearsal and patience should hopefully set the vox problems..especially microphone savvy...JG

Nice song, nice story. Well not 'nice' story but you know what I mean. Well told would be more fitting. You already know you need to work on the production so I won't get into that but I can give you a tip for drums. The loop you are using sounds like it came from a Casio keyboard, in other words not good. I suggest Leaf Drums you can put a nice drum line together on your computer then run it from your line out to the 4track cassette. Just an idea for you to try out, some songs are better sans drums and some aren't. But all songs are better without bad drums.

good song, please post it again after you work some of the kinks out.

http://www.soundclick.com/pro/view/01/default.cfm?bandid=706335&songid=5383806&content=song

Might try this link for a more direct link to the song.

This was really interesting to listen to... I agree the song itself is a pretty good song there. The story is interesting and the lyric and melody match well and carry it. That's all good.

I have to agree with the others, the production is hurting it some with the stuff already mentioned. HOWEVER... what's really interesting to me here is that underneath it all I can totally hear the Stones doing this song. It has that feel. As if this was some early lost demo. Might be the vocals with the melody, I'm not sure what it is that gives it that vibe exactly, but that's what I'm thinkin'.

Could do worse than that, y'know!

Linda

Thanks Linda,

I know my recordings stink! We're working on it...It's so nice of you to make the effort and listen for the potential underneath the muck. It's all I ask for.

Best wishes,

Jeremy Gripp