JPF Home Page

Brave Face

Posted By: PaulCanuck

Brave Face - 06/08/20 07:37 PM

Just piano/vocal on this one - does it work?
Any comments welcome smile


Brave Face

When I go to bed in the evenin'
And the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds"
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

'Cause when you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

I put a brave face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say

When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

So I'll put my brave face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say..
Posted By: John Voorpostel

Re: Brave Face - 06/08/20 08:11 PM

Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books
Posted By: Gary E. Andrews

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 12:52 AM

(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.)
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?)
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?)
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.)

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?)
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.)
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?)

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?)
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?)

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

A REWRITE:

(Verse I)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong they just don't say.

(Verse II)

When I go to bed in the evening
the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Verse III)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal your wounds"
It's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

(Chorus)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

(Instrumental Bridge, if time allows, if still needed.)

(Coda)

I put my Brave Face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
If they notice anything wrong I hope they don't say
Posted By: Steve Altonian

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 03:03 AM

Originally Posted by PaulCanuck
Just piano/vocal on this one - does it work?
Any comments welcome smile


Brave Face

When I go to bed in the evenin'
And the darkness fills the room
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds"
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do

'Cause when you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

I put a brave face on in the morning
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say

When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

So I'll put my brave face on in the morning
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say..


How did you get Jackson Brown to play the Piano on your Demo??? Sounds like you've listened to the LOAD OUT/STAY a few times brother....

LOVE IT & any Jackson Browne type Piano tune
Posted By: Dave Rice (D)

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 02:29 PM

Morning, Paul:

Great write. Like the others, I enjoyed the piano backing but thought you were "at the top of your vocal range" in places. Didn't keep me from really loving what you've done... and yes, the piano backing alone works well.

Best of luck with this... and in all your music. We are so lucky to have so many budding "stars" here at JPF.

----Dave
Posted By: Vicarn

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 05:24 PM

Hi Paul.
Maybe Dave has a point about the vocal. Maybe dropping the key a tone would ease the straining on certain words.
I have a similar problem with low notes now.
Nice song nevertheless.

Vic
Posted By: PaulCanuck

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 05:36 PM

Originally Posted by John Voorpostel
Works for me Paul...melody, piano, vocals, lyric...a complete song in my books


Hi John - thanks for that - nice to see you here smile

Gary - thanks for the detailed review - a few notes on your comments below:

Originally Posted by Gary E. Andrews
(Verse I)

When I go to bed in the evenin' (Sounds like you sing 'go DO bed'. Enunciating 'to' more deliberately might be better.) good catch I'll fix that
And the darkness fills the room (Do you need 'And' to open this Line?) yes - it defines the melody
I'm haunted by these feelings of being alone

(Verse II)

They say "Put one foot 'front of the other"
They say that "Time will heal the wounds" ('the' wounds is abstract. Can the Singer-Character 'own' it with 'your wounds'?) - maybe but 'the' is easier to sing here
But it's been so long now I wonder if that's gonna do (Can you delete 'But'? The word 'if' needs more enunciation. You seem to deliver the end of this Line as if it doesn't matter if they get the words or not. It matters.) - "but" serves a purpose lyrically to me

(Chorus?)

'Cause when you lose someone so precious (Can you delete 'Cause'?) - nope - it carries the melody line
When you lose someone so dear
The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear

(This third Stanza, above, is in the place where I would expect the Chorus. It has it's own Melody, is four Lines as opposed to the three-Line Verses preceding it.
But it seems to do more 'exposition' of the storyline, as expected in a Verse, and THE Hook, the title, isn't in it.
The first 'hit' on THE Hook is in a Verse III, below. It doesn't seem to be emphasized in position and Melody as THE gist of the storyline, the main idea of the Song.)

(Verse III)(This might work better as Verse I, opening the Song with THE Hook.)

- this is a AABA(BA) structure - there is no chorus. The underplaying of the hook is intentional - repeating it would cheapen the song IMO. The protagonist here hopes people don't recognize he is in pain - thus he sings "I hope they don't say". Seems to me he wouldn't be the type to over-emphasize the fact that he was putting on a brave face. I'm probably wrong. but I like to "serve the song" and this isn't a hooky song - at least lyrically smile

I put a Brave Face on in the morning (Again, 'a Brave Face' is abstract. Owning it, 'my Brave Face' seems stronger.) - I'm OK with 'a' here - it changes to "my" in the last stanza to keep interest
People talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong they just don't say (Delete 'And'?) - 'And' carries the melody

(Instrumental Bridge here seems out of place. The function of a Bridge is to break Repetition with Change, enabling a final giving of a Chorus. It usually follows a second giving of the Chorus, eliminating the need for a Verse III.)
(Flipping the Lines, as below, might be stronger. The words "When you lose someone...", Repeated, seem to emphasize that idea.)

The aching and the longing
Never seem to disappear
When you lose someone so precious
When you lose someone so dear

- This isn't an "instrumental bridge" - it's a solo played over a verse progression. I suggest you have a look at AABA song structures - they really are quite popular smile

(Verse IV)

So I'll put my Brave Face on in the morning (Delete 'So'?) - it serves a lyrical purpose
Let people talk to it all day
And if they notice anything wrong I hope they won't say.. (Delete 'And'?) - carries the melody

(You only 'hit' THE Hook, "Brave Face", twice. Three is about minimum to drive that idea home as THE Hook, the main idea. The second 'hit' comes way at the end. I think I would remember those words, but position and the two-hit Structure are risky in that regard, memorability.)

- I'm OK with just two repeats of the title. Rules are made to be broken! smile

Seriously though Gary, I appreciate you taking the time and I hope I've explained my logic, twisted as it might be smile


Posted By: PaulCanuck

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 05:41 PM

Originally Posted by Steve Altonian

How did you get Jackson Brown to play the Piano on your Demo??? Sounds like you've listened to the LOAD OUT/STAY a few times brother....

LOVE IT & any Jackson Browne type Piano tune


Haha - I love Jackson Brown so I'll take that comment any day. Thanks for listening Steve smile


Originally Posted by Dave Rice
Morning, Paul:

Great write. Like the others, I enjoyed the piano backing but thought you were "at the top of your vocal range" in places. Didn't keep me from really loving what you've done... and yes, the piano backing alone works well.

Best of luck with this... and in all your music. We are so lucky to have so many budding "stars" here at JPF.

----Dave


cheers Dave - well I'm a bit too old to be budding anything smile Good point on the vocal - I often get that comment when I sing high - time to start paying attention to it!

Originally Posted by Vicarn
Hi Paul.
Maybe Dave has a point about the vocal. Maybe dropping the key a tone would ease the straining on certain words.
I have a similar problem with low notes now.
Nice song nevertheless.

Vic


Thanks Vic - always good to get your feedback.

Cheers
Paul
Posted By: Deej56

Re: Brave Face - 06/09/20 11:56 PM

Paul,

Yeah, definitely a Jackson Browne feel to this—piano is nicely done. I agree with others that playing this even a half step down will make that vocal resonate a bit more on those higher notes. But it’s a solid vocal, as always.

I’m wondering whether on that last line of the second verse ending with “ . . . if that’s going to do,” you might sing the “do” a note higher—the slight variation on melody might be a nice shift into the chorus and add some variation from the other verses. That’s actually where I thought you were going to go with it on first listen—though the second/third time around, I’m undecided on that. Regardless, it's nothing more than an artistic preference and a really minor one at that--just mentioning for what its worth nontheless.

Like the simple arrangement. I think it’s pretty compelling as is.

All the best,

Deej
Posted By: PaulCanuck

Re: Brave Face - 06/11/20 03:39 PM

Thanks Deej

You know, that line "if that's gonna do" has always felt like a placeholder and you're right to mention it as being out-of-place.
So I'm changing it to "if that's really true". Makes more sense now - but took a while to reveal itself to me smile

Thanks for the kind words - and pointing out that nit smile
Paul
Posted By: summeoyo

Re: Brave Face - 06/14/20 08:32 PM

It's kind of an odd structure. But I've written a few with those odd structures myself. This works because it moves. Most people have had to put on the brave face after a breakup. Like Steve, I wanted to start singing: "Oh won't you stay...ay... ay just a little bit longer,

Summeoyo
Posted By: PaulCanuck

Re: Brave Face - 06/17/20 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by summeoyo
It's kind of an odd structure. But I've written a few with those odd structures myself. This works because it moves. Most people have had to put on the brave face after a breakup. Like Steve, I wanted to start singing: "Oh won't you stay...ay... ay just a little bit longer,

Summeoyo

Thanks Summeoyo - I was thinking this guys partner passed away - but I guess break-up works too smile
Thanks for listening and taking the time to comment smile

Paul
© 2021 Just Plain Folks Music Organization Message Boards