The theme here represents a more of a loss than a typical breakup song. I like that it is written from a guy’s perspective. The image of the photo in the red lipstick heart leaves a lasting impression.
The rhythm of the melody sounds natural and fits the words well. The lengthening and shortening of various words helps to tell the story. The rise and fall of the melody pitches work well to bring out important words.
The chords on the verse do a good job of building some anticipation by avoiding the D chord. Then when you hit the D chord at the beginning of the chorus, I knew we were in the main statement of the song. The faster chord movement here made for a nice contrast with the verse. I thought it was good to use these chords to setup the song in the intro.
Hanging onto the A chord as you held onto the word “long” made for a nice effect and a key point in the song. Going to the F# minor for the first time on the bridge helped to give a feeling of searching for an answer or being confused and distraught like the lyrics are saying. Good to start bringing the cello in here to help make it the high point of the song. You could maybe experiment with adding even a bit more sound somehow in this section.
I liked the length of the chorus. I found myself wanting the other sections to be a bit longer as well. However, I realize that you have to watch your total running time, depending on what your use of the song is. I could hear another phrase or two on the front side of the existing verses, perhaps with different chords but slow moving ones. In my opinion, the bridge could even be doubled in length. Or, you could even cut the second half of the second chorus and go straight into the bridge as-is.
Thanks for sharing a sensitive and expressive tune!
Maroon - thanks for the thoughts on what you feel works here... appreciate it. Regarding the length of verses and bridges vs. chorus - that is, of course, a personal choice and often dictated by the type music we choose to do. My main focus is often "commercial Country" (in the era when that was still viable) - and there, if you have a chorus as long as this one is, you generally need to keep the verses short to balance that. If you can say all you need to say in a short verse, than you likely have a good formula. The same holds true for a bridge. If you can state your intent in 2 lines, why try to extend that to 4? You will likely dilute your write instead of enhancing it. A less-is-more kind of thing...
always a great song from you Floyd, all around good work, lyric is always impressive to me. and great vocals. Lane
Hi, Lane - good to see you are still around... thanks for the listen...
Ah...that old Floyd Jane magic! That first verse is killer, really pulls in the listener, and vocals and production also are excellent. Thanks for sharing. You've been missed.
Well, gee, Ricki - what a nice thing to say... I appreciate that...
What a lovely song! Your vocal has great longing in it. I like how you use the meaning of the word "forever" throughout. And this line gets me thinking: "so tell me where does the end of forever start" and also: "but it seems like forever's not as long
as it was to be..." Oh, so sad. Good music and melody to carry these thoughts to our ears. Enjoyed it!
Kristi - Thanks. If you found "sad" and "listenable" at the same time, then I'd have to say that "works"... appreciate the listen...
About time you show your face around here. Loved this song in all respects, especially the hook line & title! But as always, your vocals always for me are your signature sound--a good thing. (Although........ I would like a littler more "vibrato" from you.......think of "cowbell," you just can't have too much of that either)!
Hi eddie! More Cowbell! HAHAHA!!!
I got nothing more to offer here other than my enthusiastic support. Great vocal, nice production, stellar lyrics. “Where does the end of forever start”—killer line. I appreciate the stripped approach on production, but I think a bit more instrumentation to add depth to this might be something to consider (for example, really liked the last chorus). But I’m the last person to be chiming in on production things.
Awesome tune, Floyd. Welcome back to JPF.
All the best,
Deej - thanks for the listen and the comments.... it is nice to be welcomed back, too...
This feels like it should get cut.
One of those lyrical hooks that make you bang your head against the wall and ask how no one came up with that before now.
And a lot of craft in the rest of the lyric too. Nice one, Floyd.
I am going to just quote Scott here b/c what he said..
This made me a bit sad though. I guess there are no true promises in the here and now.
Wendy - I do appreciate that (your song always make me "sit up and take notice"")...
Yeah. If this is not cut (And Floyd's other stuff is good too) we're all dead and should take up "normal" hobbies.
More evidence that the "F" doesn't stand for Folks. :-)
Ronnie - thanks for dropping back by...(and the nice comment). Getting cuts is a very "complex" formula. Marc generally covers the subject very well. It is very difficult to understand the "whole story" unless you have spent time (considerable time, actually) in Nashville and are able to "get in" to the "guts" of what is happening. The 90's and early 2000's were THE best time to do that and that "model" might very well be gone forever.