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Most said

Posted By: lane1777

Most said - 10/06/17 08:16 PM

a friend`s friend goes home...He was a kind soul..
I had the feeling He left without that one true love He waited for...

Most said


When breath did not exist..
the soul a fleeting thing,
it emptied the room.

that very moment..
most thought a hollow man...

I leaned in..
touched His hand...
He knew love more than all.

Protecting love..
nourishing love with acts,
waiting its birth...

Breath was taken in,
and released with that thought,
and the witnessing.
Hollow most said..but...He knew love... Vincent


Copyright © Vincent
Posted By: Deej56

Re: Most said - 10/19/17 03:13 AM

I really like this one, Lane. There’s a story behind the story that’s engaging. The first two lines of the third verse (beginning with “When breath did not exist”) seem vague to me and may be an opportunity to better move things forward and add depth. Same with the penultimate stanza. But all that’s easily tweaked. This one has real heart and soul. Something that, as strong as it is, I think can be better still.

Deej
Posted By: lane1777

Re: Most said - 10/19/17 06:29 PM

thanks Dee, I`ve never gone back and added or taken away from these writes, but i`m finding time to do some now.
a guy writes these things in a "fever most of the time never looks back....now I have a little time. thanks again for commenting.

and by fever I mean... my truck was a dirty mess,,something happened in the night... out on the street.
after it was all over I got out of my truck and wrote a small verse on the door. they called me the next day and asked if I wanted them to save it? write it down before they washed the truck...that was the kind of fever I had....lol
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