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From The Start

Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

From The Start - 07/19/05 10:24 PM

<cough cough, sputter sputter> It's been a while, folks! Best wishes for Pineyfest, please find a way to share some pictures with us all, and thanks in advance for the advice on this one!

From The Start or "I Call To You"

V1
Why do I only come to you
Only when things are at their worst
When I seem to have no where else to go
When I sink so deep into despair
And I feel all hope is gone
I look up into the skies and simply knowÖÖ


CH
I call to you, I cry to you
I fall down on my knees
I tell you that Iím sorry that you havenít heard from me
I talk to you, I pray to you
I come with humbled heart
I beg for your forgiveness that I didnít trust you from the start
I call to You


V2
I have so many questions, Lord
Most of them begin with ďwhyĒ
I'm so trapped within this life itís hard to even try
Your answers donít come quickly
Iíve learned to just be still
I don't hear Your reasons, but the answer is in Your will


Bridge
Lord, I know that even now I am truly blessed
Itís hard to see good things clearly in the dark
You give your love
You shed your light
You show the path that I must take if I open up my heart


Teri Foreman-Black
June, 2005

[This message has been edited by Teri Foreman-Black (edited 07-19-2005).]

[This message has been edited by Teri Foreman-Black (edited 07-20-2005).]
Posted By: Joanne Lurgio

Re: From The Start - 07/19/05 10:32 PM

Hello there Teri Foreman-Black!
Its been a while - though you haven't lost your style!
This reads really smoothe. Very heartfelt lyrics.
This is such a little nit I am almost ashamed to say...
v1L2 - I want to sing...
When things are at THEIR worst

I would also like to hear more of your hook... Would you consider repeating the last line of your chorus?

Really nice song

Hope all is well [Linked Image]
Joanne




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Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

Re: From The Start - 07/19/05 10:40 PM

Hey Joanne! ::big smile::

I was just listening to you this morning! The things I'm doing to get back into it, and hearing you is probably on my Top Five list. Thanks for the "their".... makes much more sense.

I'm not hearing music yet like most of ya, but I have done a bit better in the last few weeks.... Thank you for the kind words and always the inspiration!
Posted By: Wyman Lloyd

Re: From The Start - 07/19/05 11:50 PM

Hi Teri Foreman-Black,
Yeah, the story's good and some good lines.
The rhyme scheme varies, if that makes a difference to you.
The last line of V 2 seems lomger than necessary and its quite a bit longer than the last line of V 1 . Maybe something more like--
I don't hear Your reasons but the answer's in Your will.
The 3rd line in V 2 seems like could be cut down a bit too.
Seems like the 2 long lines in the C, could be cut in half and have 8 lines.
Yeah, I'd like the hear the hook-title more too. A person might just as easily think it would be " I Call To You"
May need a little tightening up, but it's worth it
Wy
Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

Re: From The Start - 07/20/05 07:41 PM

Many thanks, Wy... I'll go back and look at those patterns and see if I can bring in the hook more... "I cry to you" I LOVE the "reasons" suggestion so I'll happily take that! With sincere thanks, Teri
Posted By: Bobbie Gallup (D)

Re: From The Start - 07/20/05 08:21 PM

Hey Lady!!!

This is lovely!! [Linked Image] Of course I had to come up with something to offer you. See if any of these ideas are of interest..they just seemed to flow a bit more smoothly to my meter ear:
Why do I ONLY come to you
When things are at their worst
When I seem to have no where else to go
When I sink so DEEP into despair
That hope is all but gone
I look UP TO the skies and simply knowÖÖ

Bridge
Lord, I know that even now
I am truly blessed
Itís hard to see good things CLEARLY in the dark
You give your love
You shed your light
You show the path that I must take if I open up my heart

Hope Jim is getting better each day and that the interview worked for Chris!

Hugs,
Bobbie
Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

Re: From The Start - 07/20/05 09:50 PM

Awe, Bobbie! Thank you! I'm taking all of your edits gratefully... they do make much more sense. I've been too close to this one for a while. Enjoy the next few days with Pineyfest and get some great pictures, ok?!
Posted By: Terry G

Re: From The Start - 07/21/05 08:40 PM

Hi Teri [Linked Image]

So good to see your graciousness back here.

Beautifully done.
I love the line:
"I tell you that Iím sorry that you havenít heard from me"

Bobbie took care of my other suggestions.

Cheers,
Terry
Posted By: Paul T Wentworth

Re: From The Start - 07/21/05 09:19 PM

Teri: Wow! I live in Phoenixville, right down the road feom Royersford!! or will live there come Sept 28, 2005. I like the emotion you put in your song. Nice and sincere and revealing.

Good luck.

Stop in at the Steel City COffee on thursdays for open mic. Every second THursday of the Month I host the mic.
Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

Re: From The Start - 07/22/05 08:25 PM

Hey Tall One! Thanks for the look and kind words! It's always easier to critique something after Ms. Gallup, eh? :smile:

Paul, a huge welcome to Phoenixville! I know it well, as the Steel City Cafe. Never had a specific reason to run in there; now it seems I do, at least on the second Thursdays of each month. We have a local songwriters' group around here. When ya get settled, let me know and I'll tell you about it. Thanks for the look!
Posted By: cody sloan Jr

Re: From The Start - 07/24/05 07:29 AM

Hi Teri,nice to meet you,enjoyed the read.Have a great weekend
Posted By: les_paul_gurl

Re: From The Start - 07/24/05 07:34 AM

Teri-

I liked this song a lot. There's nothing that I can add to the advice you've already been given, so good luck and stick with this song. It's great!

P.S. "I Call To You" sounds better as the title.

[This message has been edited by les_paul_gurl (edited 07-24-2005).]
Posted By: Teri Foreman-Black

Re: From The Start - 07/26/05 07:12 PM

Cody and "Les Paul Gurl", thank you for the kind comments and read on "I Call To You". Now all it needs is music!
Teri
Posted By: Joanne Lurgio

Re: From The Start - 07/26/05 08:46 PM

Hi Teri -
Definitely I CALL TO YOU! Connects to lyrics much better.
[Linked Image]
Joanne

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