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Don't Say I told you so

Posted By: bethanykoubsky

Don't Say I told you so - 08/24/20 06:54 PM

Here is a song I'm working on the lyrics....any help would be appreciated:

Don't say I told you so by Bethany Koubsky

I met him on a Friday
Fell in love straight away
Thought we were destined for greatness
You said girl, stay away

I ignored every warning
Thought my heart won't steer me wrong
Took every wrong turn that I could
Led me to a broken hearted song

Chorus:
Please don't say I told you so
Please don't say you knew
I know I should've listened
but that's not what lonely hearts do

Please don't say I told you so
That you've been here before
I know I should've listened
Now i'm shattered on the floor

We dated for a minute
then you knew he was a liar
I was blinded by his charms
my heart a burning fire

But you saw right through his lies
gave me warning after warning
you saw through his disguise (thin disguise??)
Now i'm the one in mourning

Chorus

Bridge:
Next time i'll listen
next time i won't ignore you
next time i'll listen
when you say I know what's good for you

Repeat chorus

Copyrighted 8/24/2020
Bethany Koubsky
Posted By: Gary E. Andrews

Re: Don't Say I told you so - 08/25/20 08:25 AM

In a Lyric there is a Singer-Character. You create her in Verse I Line 1 with the pronoun "I". That's the person who is telling the story.
Now, who is she telling the story to? She's telling someone about the Love-Interest Character, "him".
In VI Line 2 and 3 you omit a pronoun, the 'actor' to do the 'action' of the verb, "fell". I suggest getting that pronoun back in there. I wondered if it was "we" or "I". Who "fell"? Who "thought"?
Judging by the Chorus I think the Singer-Character is talking to a third character, the "Friend-Character", a "Counselor-Character" who would have the involvement to say, "I Told You So", who advised her about her relationship, the "you" in Verse I Line 4.
Rhyming Line 2 and Line 4 with the same word, "away", is not advised. I run through the alphabet for Rhyme-words, and see if one suggests something logical that fits the storyline. Bay, day, Faye, gay, hay, Jay, Kay, lay, may, pay, ray, say, even 'way' rather than 'away' in one or the other Line. Yay! Line 1 suggests the time factor, so 'day' or 'days' might be a good Rhyme, if you can find a logical Line of meaning that can land on that word.

"Don't Say I Told You So" copyright 8/24/2020 by Bethany Koubsky

I met him on a Friday
Fell in love straight away
Thought we were destined for greatness
You said girl, stay away

I ignored every warning
Thought my heart won't steer me wrong (Who "thought"?)
Took every wrong turn that I could (Who "took"? The "I" at the end of the Line might make this one work.)
Led me to a broken hearted song (What "led"?)

Chorus:
Please Don't Say I Told You So
Please don't say you knew
I know I should've listened
but that's not what lonely hearts do (I always try to eliminate 'But', 'And', 'Cause', 'Because', as clutter words. The Line can read the same without them, and the singer doesn't have to sing them. The listener gets the connection without the connector word. Writers use them to connect thoughts, but...you may not need them. It's your judgment call as to whether it's better with or without them.

Please Don't Say I Told You So
That you've been here before
I know I should've listened
Now i'm shattered on the floor

(An eight-Line Chorus seems long. Using THE Hook, the title, as the first Line each of the two 'stanzas' may emphasize it as the point of the story, especially with the Melody I imagine, but sometimes that Line can be forgotten after all the others. You could use it again at the end, making a nine-Line Chorus. If it works, it works. That's the Line you want left ringing in their ears as the Chorus ends. And three hits on THE Hook per giving of the Chorus can be strong in driving that home.
I can see the two 'stanzas' flipping, letting "That's not what lonely hearts do" be the last Line, as a stronger explanation of why the Singer-Character ignored the Friend-Character's advice. The "shattered" Line is more detail in the storyline.)


(Suggested Rewrite)
"Don't Say I Told You So" Copyright 8/24/2020 by Bethany Koubsky

(Verse I)
I met him on a Friday.
(I) fell in love (BY SATURDAY).
(I) thought we were destined for greatness.
You said, "Girl, stay away!"
I ignored every warning.
(I) thought, 'My heart won't steer me wrong.'
(I) took every wrong turn that I could.
(IT) led me to a broken-hearted song

(Chorus)
Please Don't Say, 'I Told You So',
That you've been here before.
I know I should've listened.
Now i'm shattered on the floor.
Please Don't Say I Told You So!
Please don't say you knew.
I know I should've listened.
That's not what lonely hearts do.
(Please Don't Say, 'I Told You So'.)

(Verse II)
We dated for a minute.
Then you knew he was a liar.
I was blinded by his charms,
my heart a burning fire!
You saw right through his lies,
gave me warning after warning.
you saw through his disguise.
Now I'm the one in mourning.

Chorus
Please Don't Say I Told You So,
That you've been here before.
I know I should've listened.
Now i'm shattered on the floor.
Please Don't Say I Told You So!
Please don't say you knew.
I know I should've listened.
That's not what lonely hearts do.
(Repeat title Line? Or does that make it too long?)

(Bridge)
Next time I'll listen!
Next time I won't ignore you
Next time i'll listen,
when you say, "I know what's good for you!"

(Chorus)
Please Don't Say I Told You So,
That you've been here before.
I know I should've listened.
Now i'm shattered on the floor.
Please Don't Say I Told You So!
Please don't say you knew.
I know I should've listened.
That's not what lonely hearts do.
(Coda)
Please Don't Say, 'I Told You So'.
That's not what lonely hearts do.


Posted By: bethanykoubsky

Re: Don't Say I told you so - 09/16/20 05:31 PM

WOW! thank you! I tend to do that in my songs...omit the pronouns...this makes perfect sense! smile
Thank you!!!
Posted By: John W. Selleck

Re: Don't Say I told you so - 09/16/20 09:51 PM

Hi Bethany,
This reads well, with a good hook, good images, and it should sing well. Hope to hear it soon.
Posted By: bethanykoubsky

Re: Don't Say I told you so - 10/14/20 03:49 PM

Thank you John! I'm still working on cleaning it up a bit smile But i am really liking this one!
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