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HAIKU SONG. work in progress

Posted By: LunaSimone

HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/02/17 02:59 PM

Šluna simone

VERSES SET ONE
driving fast
on a road
keeping solitude

you hitchhiked
now your new
bicycle had broke

recycle
broken ring
crashing in the night

cuz you know
you and i
can last one more fight

BRIDGE
we don't need
hybrid cars
just to make our mark

we just need
compassion
driving force of love

CHORUS
and if i
i could fly
i would be a dove

come what may
come what might
come with push and shove

VERSES SET TWO
i came home
late one night
wishing i could sleep

you catch train
don't come back
what is there to keep

what is there
left to know
when your love has gone?

(rep. bridge and chorus)

THIRD SET
what is there
left to know
when your love has gone?

inspired view
from a few
hymns and hard rock songs

you don't know
much difference
from what those mean

they're the same
it's because
no difference is seen

i have learned
much from hate
hate and love and strength

but one thing
still remains
learning has no length

(anthemic vocal and instrumental break)

(repeat chorus first)

so i close
this one song
with a simple thought

live so free
that you thing
nothing of.....your thoughts.
Posted By: LunaSimone

Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/02/17 03:03 PM

noticed a glitch in the haiku
inspired view
from a few
hymns and hard rock songs.

more like:
inspired view
from a few
hymns and rebel songs.

works a little better wink caught myself
Posted By: Michael LeBlanc

Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/02/17 03:18 PM

hey!Nice writing.I used to write Haiku a few years back and i also set some to music.Maybe i need to put it back up on my soundclick site.You surely don't see it here much but then again it's a poetry thing and not a song i guess.I do like the Haiku that connected to nature the best. Mike
Posted By: LunaSimone

Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/03/17 12:25 AM

Actually I am turning it into a song, and thanks for the recognition! Eventually I will put some vocals to this, just not right now.
Here are some YouTube links from some modern rock female-fronted bands that kind of sound like their beats/melodies/melodic vibes may work well with this piece. You may have to open up your parameters here as quite a few of them turn up the volume and are pretty hard rocking:

Flyleaf "Supernatural"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sq09D7FqYT4

Tonight Alive "Amelia"https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q9LKbWlrx10
Posted By: 9ne

Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/05/17 12:28 PM

I admire your creativity. One thing that's difficult without using rhyme schemes is for others to remember and better relate to the subject.
Kudos for trying new things!
-Mike
Posted By: beechnut79

Re: HAIKU SONG. work in progress - 10/05/17 02:51 PM

A little bit different from the ordinary but if it works for you more power to you. I don't believe I have ever really heard of Haiku. What can be hard could be that, if you are looking for any commercial success, the balance you seek between what you feel and what will work commercially can be found within yourself. Only you can decide what kind of audience you may be seeking to reach. I myself have tended not to focus on commercialism too much even though I do have the dream of one or more of my writings being successful. Peace.
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