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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63 |
i actually just wrote this on the fly...if i come up with a good enough melody soon this should appear in the MP3 feedback forum, but i'll gladly take comments if there are any to share.
©2012 chelsea lamb 1/2/13
v1 I've spent Too much time not saying a word For me not to fidget for days Would feel so absurd
Chorus Waiting so long to see you again Your inviting eyes the way they long for me You're making me more and more voracious Never been this hungry for a thing indeed
v2 My mouth waters for the touch of your tongue Your kiss is much in need I only wish the best if I can't have the rest of you It's all I can do to just cuddle up and be with you
Chorus Been waiting so long to see you again Your inviting eyes the way they long for me You're making me more and more voracious Never been this hungry for a thing indeed
repeat chorus Waiting so long to see you again Your inviting eyes the way they long for me You're making me more and more voracious Never been this hungry for a thing indeed
Bridge Love is a powerful thing not to be messed with Yeah some might say and they just gotta say But I don't wanna listen and just might I have permission To take you for the night and we'll be on our way
Chorus (repeat as desired) Been waiting so long to see you again Your inviting eyes the way they long for me You're making me more and more voracious Never been this hungry for a thing indeed
Been waiting so long to see you again Your inviting eyes the way they long for me You're making me more and more voracious Never been this hungry for a thing indeed...
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Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,316
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Jun 2002
Posts: 1,316 |
Hi Chelsea,
I'm not sure how well the word voracious will sing but it is original and creative.
Your verses don't seem like they would work with the same melody. You may have to tweak that.
I like that first line of the bridge: Love is a powerful thing not to be messed with
In the bridge are the people saying this? Then maybe Yeah some might say and they just gotta say Love is a powerful thing not to be messed with
Verse 1 doesn't really tell the listener what the song's about. You might give some background story.
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578
Top 30 Poster
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Top 30 Poster
Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 6,578 |
Hi Norcal, Some good material in there all right. She song is mostly chorus though. Too many chorus's get monotonus to most people. The first V could hardly be sung the same way as the second. You could just label it an intro though and write a new V Voracious is a compelling word all right but it doesn't seem to fit in well here OR, it wouldn't be hard to make the bridge into a V and write a new bridge Write on
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63 |
thanks to both of you. I will rewrite this song and repost it. And definitely make the song more put-together.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 63 |
actually it may take awhile to get back to this song as I am not too keen on it. But I will keep it in mind to come back on it if there is as much of a melody even that would keep it together.
thanks again everyone!
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