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Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 280
Top 500 Poster
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OP
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 280 |
I've been in a raw emotion writing mood lately. This is the first time I've used AABA structure.
I Cry (c)Justin Heath 2012
(V1) I open up bottles til' well after nine Some nights cold beer others red wine It'll all fade with the unraveling of time But for now I sit on this couch and I cry
I cry, oh I cry
(V2) I look in the mirror and I ask myself why I stare at the walls, get no answers at all I start to get drunk on pictures of you With my head in my hands I cry like a fool
I cry, oh I cry
(B) If only we could do it all over again I'd never take you for granted We'd do what we dare to dream (and) You'd be here doing it with me
Instead I cry, oh I cry
(V3) You were my confidant, my go to Never really thought of losing you I couldn't have seen it, I didn't know You'd be here today, gone tomorrow
And I cry....
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Justin,
Nice visuals of this guy sitting alone, getting drunk. I really like the line about getting drunk on pictures.
In the bridge, "I'd never take you for granted"....it seems like that could be worded to sound a little less cliche. It just popped out at me, for some reason.
Also, in verse 3...I think that another reference back to the drinking might be good to add to the visuals.
Lisa
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 280
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2012
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Thanks for the suggs Lisa. I may add a couple lines to each verse.
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Joined: May 2012
Posts: 255
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: May 2012
Posts: 255 |
Hey Justin!
Again you have some really nice imagery. Something I noticed I that your rhyme scheme is different in every verse. Honestly I think a song can sing well without a consistent rhyme scheme, just something to be aware of.
Good luck with it!
Jason
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 280
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OP
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Joined: Jul 2012
Posts: 280 |
Thanks Jason. Thats just what came out first. I'm working on that dang rhyme scheme!
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