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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 35
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Joined: Nov 2012
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hi guys, i am posting my original r&b song because i would like feedback from you all. the name of it is "the one." http://soundcloud.com/debrachurch/the-onedo you like it? on a scale of 1 (poor) to 10 (excellent) what would you rate it? is the songwriting cohesive and understandable throughout the song? do you think i have a voice that can do music other than R&B? what age range could this song target successfully? share, share, share. if you like this song, i am currently giving a FREE music download of this song (the reggae version) at www.NOISETRADE.COM/DEBRACHURCH.
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Joined: Feb 2012
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hi guys, i am posting my original r&b song because i would like feedback from you all. the name of it is "the one." http://soundcloud.com/debrachurch/the-onedo you like it? on a scale of 1 (poor) to 10 (excellent) what would you rate it? is the songwriting cohesive and understandable throughout the song? do you think i have a voice that can do music other than R&B? what age range could this song target successfully? share, share, share. if you like this song, i am currently giving a FREE music download of this song (the reggae version) at www.NOISETRADE.COM/DEBRACHURCH. I do like it. Look good, sound good, great hook in the chorus. I would give the song a 7 right now. reminds me of salt n pepa or something in that realm. I dont have the lyric in front of me, but the verse lyrics seem to be focusing on what everybody else thinks of you and the guy. The chorus focuses on what you want to be, the one, but based on the other folks ideas, you are bad for each other. Seems to be two different ideas going on. If you want to be the one, thats what the song should be about. Forget about what the others are saying, it distracts. You are pleading to be the one, so where do you stand right now? Are you close but not there yet? tell us about whats happening. It's a compelling hook and sounds good, just figure out what the song is about. Avoid being so cliche, the "people keep saying this" kind of stuff is so overdone and not original. Strive for something different to say, "I want to be your two" now THAT would be different lol, but u know what I mean. avoid cliches. I think your performance outshines your song right now, but you can only get better from here. You have a great voice and you got some character in you. Best of luck.
Last edited by December Rock Star; 11/15/12 05:06 AM.
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Joined: Jul 2009
Posts: 1,859 Likes: 3
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Very nice..great voice....Bass needs to come out front more but I understand this is a demo. ....and a mighty fine one indeed.
As far as where the song is now...it's a solid "8" for me!
Good luck with this.
mike
Last edited by Bluesriff; 11/15/12 12:33 PM.
Write on, Man, Michael W. Brown, f.k.a. "bluesriff"
"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Mahatma Gandhi
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Joined: Dec 2006
Posts: 5,827
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Joined: Dec 2006
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Hey Debra,
Welcome to JPF !
I'll just answer/reply as I listen...
do you like it? Very much, cool groove, and a solid arrangement
on a scale of 1 (poor) to 10 (excellent) what would you rate it? Right now about a 6
is the songwriting cohesive and understandable throughout the song? The songwriting is cohesive. Well thought out, and musically, very adept
do you think i have a voice that can do music other than R&B? Very easily. The song is more jazz than R&B, and you understand musical arrangement and structure. That's half the battle.
what age range could this song target successfully? That's difficult. It's more an adult ( +25 ) song due to it's arrangement. Not bringing the phrases back down to earth, and letting them "play outside", suggests a more mature musical audience. Kids tend to like rounding off to the root note. They like to hear musical simplicity for the most part, if they're not musically trained.
Hope this helps, for what it's worth. You have a great voice, and a great musical talent, so please just take my comments with a grain of salt.
cheers, niteshift
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Joined: Jan 2003
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Debra, welcome!! I enjoyed it very much! Since I'm not a singer or musician, I'll let others make the technical comments!! Again, welcome! :)))) scotty
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Joined: Apr 2001
Posts: 19,579 Likes: 13
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Thanks for jumping in Debra... I moved this here as it's where people post stuff for feedback. Nice effort, and we look forward to more songs and also hearing your thoughts on the songs of your peers here as well!
You might even find some folks interested in having you sing a demo for them or work on some songs together.
Brian
Brian Austin Whitney Founder Just Plain Folks jpfolkspro@gmail.com Skype: Brian Austin Whitney Facebook: www.facebook.com/justplainfolks"Don't sit around and wait for success to come to you... it doesn't know the way." -Brian Austin Whitney "It's easier to be the bigger man when you actually are..." -Brian Austin Whitney "Sometimes all you have to do to inspire humans to greatness is to give them a reason and opportunity to do something great." -Brian Austin Whitney
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Joined: Aug 2006
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Hi Debra,
Welcome to JPf! It's always good to have new blood circulating here on the boards:)
My take on your song is that it is an enjoyable listen, you have a strong and emotive voice...
I agree with December that your performance outshines your song. The style does seem more Jazz like than R&B especially if you are talking about Today's R&B.
If you are looking to make a connection with Today's R&B audience you will need to have a Track or Musical bed that is current with Today's top audiences like Usher,Trey Songz,Beyonce ect.
I would be great to see the lyrics posted so we can make a better critique of the 'Songwriting' as a whole... I think with the right Song and Music Production behind you, your voice could really shine and stand out.
Like Brian said, I think you will get some here who would love for you to demo their songs or even Co-write with. One of the best ways to do that is by reaching out to them on the Boards here and offering your feedback on their work.
Like Brian, I am also looking forward to hearing more from you!-Dana
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Joined: Sep 2012
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Great voice and the music is well done. I don't like that style so I don't like the song for that reason. On my scale, it is a 1 but that shouldn't concern you as I am not the audience you seek. I don't think the lyrics are important in this kin of music.
I hope you do try some different things.
An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
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Joined: Jan 2005
Posts: 13,325
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hey Debra,welcome!I think this is pretty cool!I'll give it an "8",woulda gave higher but the "i just want to be the one" over and over gets to me.Nice vocals,let's hear more!Mike
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Joined: Apr 2010
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Hi Debra,
First of all, welcome to JPF!! I really enjoyed listening to your song demo. I especially like your voice! Great chops! I also sent you a private message.
do you like it? I don't like it. I LOVE it!! Great production and vocals.
on a scale of 1 (poor) to 10 (excellent) what would you rate it? As of right now, I would give that song a 7.
is the songwriting cohesive and understandable throughout the song? I think it is cohesive and understandable. Great knowledge of writing a song.
do you think i have a voice that can do music other than R&B? I could hear some soul, pop and maybe a motown type of voice in there.
what age range could this song target successfully? It's difficult to determine that but I would say around the mid 20s.
I'm looking forward to hearing more songs from you.
- Darin
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Joined: Nov 2012
Posts: 35
Casual Observer
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Joined: Nov 2012
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WOW!! I really appreciate all the love, critique, and advice from you guys! It is so needful and helps to direct which way I should carry on with my music. Your opinion and feedback is valuable and I will truly take it with me into the studio when I record again. In the meantime, please listen to the preview of my next single “Baby, Baby” at http://animoto.com/play/Yp1rdOUVu8wXQpY1K5H40g. It’s a Motown kind of sound. Let me know what you feel or think when you hear it. Do you think that Motown sound should come back into today’s music? Also, you all...Stay updated with me by signing up for my mailing list. I give away FREE stuff regularly, FREE giveaways, CD's, giftcards,... AND you get the very latest on my new music releases, videos, etc. Email your NAME & POSTAL CODE to debrachurchmusic@gmail.com with the subject "ADD ME."
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Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 293
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Love it!!!!!
Markus
p.s. are you looking for collabs/cowrites as well? Lemme know via my email address listed in the links. Thanks.
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"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
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