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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 175
Serious Contributor
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OP
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 175 |
A slow country ballad.
v1 when I lost you I felt my life was over, too knew I could never love anyone the way I loved you
brdge you left a space in my life that had to be filled if I was to continue to live
chorus She may take your place in my arms but, she'll never take your place in my heart she'll never have what I had with you but she's the only one that help my pain stop she may take your place in my arms but,she'll never take your place in my heart
v2 We had the passion that was a little on the wildside that young lovers have now what I have is more on the mildside I'm sure you would understand she'll never completely fill the void you left in my life but no one should be lonely every night (c) D. Harbour 2003
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68 |
Hi Dennis - Seems like you've got a lot more words in the 2nd verse does it fit in the same rhyming scheme as the first? It also looks to me like the bridge belongs after the second verse. I amplifies the line about the the void in your life. Having the bridge right up front like that kind of defeats the purpose. Of course this is all without hearing anything. Hope it's helpful or at lease not annoying... -Doug ------------------ Doug Kolmar - Singer/songwriter http://bmind.home.mindspring.com/music/dkhome.htm
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 175
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 175 |
Thanks Doug I admit I didn't pay much attention to structure. I 'm not even sure if a song about a man "talking to" his deceased wife about him finding someone new would go over.
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Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2002
Posts: 68 |
Hey Dennis - actually I think that is a great idea for a song - I think there are probably some examples out there of others on the topic, but I can't think of them off hand. It's a part of human experience that I'm sure a lot of people share and would appreciate having someone give voice to it. --Doug ------------------ Doug Kolmar - Singer/songwriter http://bmind.home.mindspring.com/music/dkhome.htm
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