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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
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OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
reviver º
Redeem me of all my losses mend my soul Recover, reclaim me make me whole again
breathe into me awaken me uncaptivate me from this unconcious dream im being held in ( chorus ) º ooohhhh reviver revive me back to conscious activity strong and new now awake and alive i fail to remember just why this took so long
your entombing enclosure arms wrapped so tightly have i forgotten to breathe ( chorus ) º ooohhhh reviver revive me back to conscious activity
your entombing enclosure arms wrapped so tightly have i forgotten to breathe
( chorus ) º - say twice - ooohhhh reviver revive me back to conscious activity
[This message has been edited by nikkigal201 (edited 07-18-2003).]
[This message has been edited by nikkigal201 (edited 07-18-2003).]
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 52
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 52 |
I'm somewhat confused The line "Concious Activity" seems a bit left alone and drifting. Is the reviver one who wakes you up out of a dark page of your history? Seems like an ok image, but another verse would be nice
------------------ Good luck with your writing, XeoN MaN
Good luck with your writing, XeoN
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162
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Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162 |
coma? rising from the dead? Maybe a bit confused but that's okay. I don't think every song needs to spell out what the artist is saying. As long as you know....that's whats important. Keep writing Tabbi. You have a fan in me! *S*
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Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 15
Casual Observer
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Casual Observer
Joined: Jun 2003
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Not bad, but not great, either. I think maybe of you added some, expanded on your ideas, it might be pretty good. One question, though. In the first chorus you end with a spoken 'revive me'. Are we to assume that each ending chorus has this or did you drop it. If the latter I would suggest putting it back onto the later choruses. I just think it might work better. Now don't get me wrong, I don't think the song's bad. I like the theme and feel you give it, but it comes out a bit average. With some work I think you might be able to make this a really good song.
The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot. - Mark Twain
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Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 344
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Nice start...but it kinda sounds like something Evanescence has already said. Keep working on this one, though...with a little tweak here and there, it should pull through nicely. It's still way better than anything I wrote at your age. Jaden ------------------ http://www.geocities.com/kitty_caliente :PLEASE VISIT MY WEBPAGE! ATTENTION TO THOSE IN THE GREATER KANSAS CITY AREA: Please contact me if you are interested in a local chapter. Thanks!!
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