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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hi guys, I hear this in the same style as something like Colie Caillat's Realize which you can hear here if you want http://youtu.be/GlZxZ2n2zpwIt was placed in the lyrical contest for October on the muses muse, but did not do well at all. It was written faster than my normal ones as I was about to go into the hospital and writing has been the last thing on my mind the past month...but I would love input on why, and what peers feel needs work..thanks so much for any comments and your time-- Kim WHAT IT’S LIKE TO BE LOVED As unpredictable as life can be We’re connected when we’re with the right one If fascinated when they say our name We are re-born under an archaic sun Pre-chorus When we first taste that “take our breath away” kiss No price can be put on something like this Chorus Life can be a white knuckle ride, Or a smooth and easy home base slide Whatever cards we are dealt We have enough for show and tell If we know nothing else But what it’s like… What it’s like to be loved As invincible as we often feel We’re pretending to be islands of one Got to swim deep waters ‘til we find love Our hearts will guide the way if we listen Bridge Every one has their own journey Then time comes to go But if we've sown seeds of love it forever grows Chorus Life can be a white knuckle ride, Or a smooth and easy home base slide Whatever cards we are dealt We have enough for show and tell If we know nothing else But what it’s like… What it’s like to be loved © Kimberly Hales Kime, All Rights Reserved
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: May 2006
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I am glad to see you back among us. Got to be a good sign!
I think the verses above are not conversational and a bit unclear and too poetic. The pre and chorus are much different in that they are conversational. I would simplify the verses into language that matches the chorus.
You don't need me to tell you how to do that!
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Joined: Aug 2008
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Kim, I commented over on the Muse. Donna
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Joined: May 2012
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Hi Kim!
I think Colin nailed it. I love the prechorus and the beginning of the chorus is good although I didn't understand the show and tell line. Really like the hook! But the verses just kinda took too much work to read and understand.
I love the song "realize" that you mentioned in your notes and I looked up the lyrics and I was shocked at how simple they are...it kind of slapped me in the face to remember that sometimes less is more.
Good luck with it!
Jason
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Joined: Nov 2008
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I am glad to see you back among us. Got to be a good sign!
I think the verses above are not conversational and a bit unclear and too poetic. The pre and chorus are much different in that they are conversational. I would simplify the verses into language that matches the chorus.
You don't need me to tell you how to do that! Thanks Colin! It is good to be back, that is for sure. I can see your point about this...sometimes I think for those contests on the muse, I try to write more "intelligently" instead of talking like I normally would because it seems the more "quirky" lyrics seem to win at times, but I need to try to lean more toward normal conversation and you are right..thanks a lot for reminding me Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey Kim, Good comments from the others. I see a title that doesn't answer the question but in just a few lyric lines:
What is it like?
We’re connected when we’re with the right one If fascinated when they say our name We are re-born under an archaic sun (too poetic)
Pre-chorus When we first taste that “take our breath away” kiss No price can be put on something like this (weak follow-up line, IMO) Got to swim deep waters ‘til we find love Our hearts will guide the way if we listen
Bridge
it forever grows
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 11,534 Likes: 28
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What the others said yeah, I know, the lazy approach...but that "archaic" stopped me right in my tracks.
If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop
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*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hi Kim!
I think Colin nailed it. I love the prechorus and the beginning of the chorus is good although I didn't understand the show and tell line. Really like the hook! But the verses just kinda took too much work to read and understand. I meant as kids have show and tell to show friends what special things they did, saw etc...in life we will have something to brag on, show and tell, if we had LOVE in our lives.:-)
I love the song "realize" that you mentioned in your notes and I looked up the lyrics and I was shocked at how simple they are...it kind of slapped me in the face to remember that sometimes less is more.
Good luck with it!
Jason Thanks Jason, I do plan to re-write this and I appreciate your suggestions and plan to take them:) Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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Hey Kim, Good comments from the others. I see a title that doesn't answer the question but in just a few lyric lines:
What is it like?
We’re connected when we’re with the right one If fascinated when they say our name We are re-born under an archaic sun (too poetic)
Pre-chorus When we first taste that “take our breath away” kiss No price can be put on something like this (weak follow-up line, IMO) Got to swim deep waters ‘til we find love Our hearts will guide the way if we listen
Bridge
it forever grows
Thanks...This is something I need to pay attention to..I appreciate you pointing that out Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Nov 2008
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What the others said yeah, I know, the lazy approach...but that "archaic" stopped me right in my tracks. That was my weird way of trying to use another word other than an ancient or old sun--but it didn't fly;-) Kim
*Always open to collaborations on my lyrics.. with singers and musicians, but PLEASE contact me before putting work into one--in case someone else has it..thanks!!** BMI Member All Rights Reserved http://www.littleikepublishing.com Email for Song Business Only littleikeproductions@hotmail.com
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Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 3,199
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Kim, how does the singee make the singer feel? What does he/she do to make the singer feel this way? You're a marvelous poet. This probably needs to be very very personal to impact the listener. Some special details between them.
John
Whoever said the pen is mightier than the sword never had an editor.
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