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#979608 - 10/10/12 12:39 AM Only A Dream  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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This was written during the 50/90 Challenge. Just looking for any feedback on it. The bridge is troublesome...lol.

Any comments or suggestions are welcome! smile

Only a Dream

Well, you’re on my mind again
On a brilliant afternoon
There you are lookin’ at me
And I’m in a real good mood

We’re like kids on the beach
Running away from rushing waves
You roll me up in your arms
And love flies across the bay

[ch]
But it’s only a dream
Only a wish
Only a lingering hope
Will I see you
Will we meet again
Will the sunrise leave me cold

The moon brings a light to us
So we dance with the crystal ball
A wink for me, a kiss for you
And we start our own free fall

[ch]
But it’s only a dream
Only a wish
Only a lingering hope
Will I see you
Will we meet again
Will the sunrise leave me cold

[br]
Fantasies are fleeting
But I keep on believing
We’ll find our way
And you’ll be here again someday

Repeat ch

©2012 Kristi McKeever


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979609 - 10/10/12 12:43 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Taggy Lee (D) Offline
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Very dreamy.


An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
#979610 - 10/10/12 12:44 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Taggy Lee (D) Offline
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Taggy Lee (D)  Offline
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Very dreamy. The seconf verse sounds like a dream within a dream.


An ego under its own power travels assback. ~ Smarticus
#979637 - 10/10/12 08:56 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Taggy Lee (D)]  
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Michael LeBlanc Offline
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Michael LeBlanc  Offline
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Hi Kristi,this is really nice!As far as the bridge,i'd change the word "fleeting" and make the last line not so common,get a little deeper.But i sho like this one! Mike

#979646 - 10/10/12 11:00 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Wyman Lloyd Offline
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G'day Wispy,
I'll mainly look at the bridge since that's what you mentioned but in line 3--V 1 a possibility of something about --giving me that come on look
Suggestions for bridge --possibilities

[br]
Fantasies are fleeting
But I keep on believing
YOU'RE ALREADY ON YOUR WAY
And you’ll BE HERE ANY DAY
KOS
Write on

#979653 - 10/10/12 11:32 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Like Wy, I wanted to have some indication that this dream will imminently come true...

Nice write.


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#979692 - 10/10/12 01:41 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D) Offline
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"Tampa Stan" Good (D)  Offline
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HiDee Mz Sunshine!

Very Likeable Lyric..Tho the Title feels a wee-bit sad...

&..kinda hate to see it end with "Will the sunrise leave me cold" too...

So, maybe "Will this love finally..take a hold" I'll sug for the Very Last Line...& Wish Ya Good Luck with a nice Wistful One, M'LadyChum! KOS!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

#979731 - 10/10/12 10:39 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Taggy Lee (D)]  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hi Taggy,

Thanks for your nice comment...a dream within a dream...very cool!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979732 - 10/10/12 10:42 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Michael LeBlanc]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Michael,

Thanks for your input on the bridge. That's my problem...I couldn't get it to go any deeper...lol...so I keep mulling it over!

Appreciate your nice comments!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979733 - 10/10/12 10:48 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Wyman Lloyd]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Hey Wy,

Ahhh...I see. You have the happy ending perspective for the bridge. I do think it needs to be positive there and I like your suggestions. I am still thinking about it....as always!

Thanks for the idea in V1 too. I'll do some testing out of words there too!

Glad to have your thoughts and ideas!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979734 - 10/10/12 11:01 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Lisa Gundling Offline
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Hi Kristi,

This has a very nice, wistful feel to it! I like how we can feel the singer grasping, grasping....

Hey - one thing -- I think that "rushing waves" might be too strong of a word to describe the waves in a bay. I don't normally think of bays as having rushing water, though I may very well be wrong!

Lisa



#979736 - 10/10/12 11:29 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
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Mackie H. Offline
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NASHVILLE, TN
KRISTI--

SOMETIMES IT NOT UNCOMMON TO SHOOT FOR A RADICAL DEPARTURE IN THE BRIDGE--YOU CAN ALWAYS COME BACK TO THE REAL WORLD FROM A DREAM!

MY BR OPTION:

[br]
LET ME IMAGINE
YOU SWEEP ME AWAY
ON A MAGIC CARPET
PAST THE MILKYWAY

WRITE ON--

Mackie

#979743 - 10/11/12 01:12 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi John,

Okay, so I always welcome ideas for bridges....good to hear your take on it.

Thanks for the nice words!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979744 - 10/11/12 01:21 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: "Tampa Stan" Good (D)]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hey Stan,

Yeah, the title is meant to have a different kind of spin on "dream" ...I had the idea of "only a dream"...."only" making it different (or yeah, sad) to give it something else...avoid the cliches, ya know.? That's what I was thinking, I think! smile

Maybe I can alternate lines in the chorus! I'll see what that would look like...

Thanks for your nice comments and suggestions, Stan!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979746 - 10/11/12 01:29 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Lisa Gundling]  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi Lisa,

I like the idea that this feels "wistful!" And yeah, that's the feel of it from my perspective too...grasping.

Ya know, I think you may be right about those rushing waves! As I wrote that verse, I had a visual of a beach and it had some rushing waves...good eye, good eye...thanks! smile I'll have to think what might work better there!

I appreciate your thoughts!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979749 - 10/11/12 01:33 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Mackie H.]  
Joined: May 2007
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hey Mackie,

Ya know....bridges often seem to be a source of great contemplation for me! Sometimes too much so! lol Anyway, yeah, going for something completely different could very well add *something* to the lyric. What a sweet idea you have here! I'll check it out and see where it goes!

Thank you so much for your suggestions!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#979802 - 10/11/12 06:00 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Dec 2000
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John Voorpostel Offline
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John Voorpostel  Offline
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Wy's suggestion works for me.

Not that I am dogmatic or anything, I always try to reinforce the "core" somehow in the bridge...which I suppose can come from some radical place, as Mackie suggests, or some complementary place.

Again, nice write, and now more complete in my view.


If writing ever becomes work I think I'm going to have to stop

iAccountant --- Info L inc --- Taxboard
#980035 - 10/13/12 02:38 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: John Voorpostel]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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Thanks, John. Yes, I like to reinforce the core somehow in the bridge...and it could come from different angles, naturally. Wy's suggestion is interesting because it makes it more immediate and I can see how it shows the singer's vulnerability too...that they're not just carried away in thought, but aware of "what is" on that given day.

Appreciate your input!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
#980077 - 10/14/12 01:28 AM Re: Only A Dream [Re: Kristi McKeever]  
Joined: Aug 2010
Posts: 3,865
MFB III Online content
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MFB III  Online Content
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ohio
This is a lovely song Kristi, the lyrics say so much, about the sad dream, and the beautiful surroundings it brings.but then there's always the mourn. ~~~MFB III

#980261 - 10/15/12 10:34 PM Re: Only A Dream [Re: MFB III]  
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Kristi McKeever Offline
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Kristi McKeever  Offline
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USA
Hi MFB,

Thanks for your very kind words! How ironic to have a sad dream and beautiful images surrounding it....appreciate your thoughts on it!

Kristi


A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist

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