11 members (JAPOV, Sunset Poet, Fdemetrio, Guy E. Trepanier, bennash, couchgrouch, Bill Draper, Everett Adams, 2 invisible),
1,258
guests, and
252
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Mutlu
by Gary E. Andrews - 04/15/24 07:08 PM
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
im being lied to, secrets, sneaking around thinking i dont see . not blind, i see, all the signals and im watching you wanting her . i know you'll leave me, for her ! (spoken) :: " am i not good enough for you ? " ( chours ) please tell me now, dont leave me alone to wonder . why must you keep me here ?
tell me the truth, am i still yours or are you hers ? dont you try to deny what we had history it seems . locked inside deep dreams forgotten while awake . ( distorted voice ) remember me ! ( chours ) please tell me now, dont leave me alone to wonder . why must you keep me here ? dont hold me hear in this dark room, ill find the key and unlock the door ill not stay her anymore . ( repeat chours )
spoken :: i wont be hidden !
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162 |
I would love to hear the music in your head when you read this tune. This is very good nikki.
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148 |
Most critiquers would comment on your loose structure and rhyme scheme, but I kind of like it in your writing. To me, it just seems fresh and original, rather than just a lack of structure or something. Your songs are more free-floating, and loose, rather than rigid and stuck to a structure. I still believe that you have done well in presenting a vivid mood just with the words and thoughts you portray. I'd only have to say that you write the way you write and you do it very well. Only advise is that you try out other approaches to your writing, so that you will be better equipped to incorporate them in your writing if you think it will work. Keep writing. Every word you write is practise and part of your learning experience. There are no wasted words in relation to your growth as a writer.
Josh Packard
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 130
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 130 |
Cool, Nikki! I can feel a lot of angst in this. Very hip lyrics. Of course I'd have to hear the music to tell for sure, but It sounds like a cool Alannis Morrisette, Natalie Imbruglia, or even Avril Lavigne song. I like the disjointed, fragmented thought processes conveyed here. Like the thoughts are coming straight through unchecked by rational thinking. Not an insult to you, but a compliment to the ability to convey betrayal and anger. I don't know how to write like this, I'm much more boring and I've never had a lot of angst, but I like the lyrics, I think they're a keeper!
Thanks for sharing,
Steve
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
Thanks, Steve. I really dont have any specific tune in my head yet, i keep changing it. ive never really wrote a song and instantly had a tune for it, if i did i'd write alot more . It would be so much easier, lol . - tabbI
|
|
|
|
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 130
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2003
Posts: 130 |
<font face="Verdana, Arial" size="2">ive never really wrote a song and instantly had a tune for it, if i did i'd write alot more . It would be so much easier, lol </font> Ha! You'd think so wouldn't you? I write just the opposite. I come up with the music first and sometimes, if I'm lucky, the lyrics to a verse or the chorus come right away. I then spend the next three days to twelve years writing the rest of my lyrics. If only I could write the lyrics first, it would be SO much easier. Thanks, Steve ------------------ www.bordercrossingmusic.com
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
ok, lol, maybe not then . i think ill just come up with the tune 2nd lol .
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
tabbi..... are you getting some good help here with your music??? i have already noticed that you are getting better with the "craft" side of this. keep working girl!! scotty
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
yes, i have been getting a ton of help . it's great to have people helping me to improve my work !
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 9
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 9 |
Nikkigal, I really like how you write. You have a very powerful style. This song rocks. I have read most of your songs posted here and your style really jumps out at me, not to mention your lyrical content. Really great!
------------------ Just a music lover
Just a music lover
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
thank you . thats a very nice compliment
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13
Casual Observer
|
Casual Observer
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 13 |
very good nikki i always look forward to ur songs u have so much spirit
Ben
Ben Smith
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413
Serious Contributor
|
OP
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jun 2003
Posts: 413 |
ty ty tanki tanki hehe back to being serious i know lol j/k
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,753
Posts1,161,291
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"When will we all, as artists, creators and facilitators learn that the so-called experts in our lives are nothing more than someone who has stepped forward and called themselves an expert?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|