7 members (VNORTH2, couchgrouch, Fdemetrio, Gary E. Andrews, Perry Neal Crawford, Sunset Poet, Guy E. Trepanier),
4,270
guests, and
267
robots. |
Key:
Admin,
Global Mod,
Mod
|
|
Welcome to the Just Plain Folks forums! You are currently viewing our forums as a Guest which gives you limited access to most of our discussions and to other features.
By joining our free community you will have access to post and respond to topics, communicate privately with our users (PM), respond to polls, upload content, and access many other features. Registration is fast, simple, and absolutely free; so please join our community today!
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
hi gang. see what you think of this one... scotty The Joke I hadn’t seen him in several years But his smile remains the same It brings back times and memories Of two boys too tough to tame We loved fast cars but we’d rather park Swap girls, we were good sports And I’ll never forget squirting Ben Gay In that kid’s new gym shorts (Chorus) You were like... a brother to me Even though we were just best friends Two clowns on world’s little stage We were the joke that never ends We put Ex-lax in the teacher’s cup Snuck friends into the drive-in show Cheered from the other side at football games And damn good with cigarette loads Those days couldn't last forever Time and wives took us seperate ways Never got to do that encore Cause we found a different stage (Pre-Chorus, Slow) Yeah, your smile’s painted on right now But it tells me you’re happy somehow I won’t forget you no, it’s not my style Cause now... you’re gonna make the angels smile (Final Chorus) You were like.. a brother to me And always, my very best friend So get off that pillow and tell me... (Slow) This is another joke, it’s not the end © 2003, richard scott [This message has been edited by bayoufantasy2 (edited 07-05-2003).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 586
Top 500 Poster
|
Top 500 Poster
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 586 |
Scotty, That final chorus teared me up. I like the way you used the painted on smile to describe him in death. Good lyric! Leanne
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,824
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 1,824 |
Scotty this is just a SUPER tearjerker of an idea. Just a couple of little tweaks to tighten it up and it's done: First verse and chorus are killer. Second verse - I wouldn't use the "joke" word again before the hook comes around. Maybe: I guess those days couldn't last forever Time and wives took us separate ways Never got to do that encore It was time to leave our stage (Just a suggestion off the top of my head...keep or sweep) Also if you're going to have a pre-chorus in the second part you should probably have one in the first part just for consistency of format. Love it. Tighten up the format and just a couple of tweaks and this is a killer!! Beatiful idea. Much L, Cin
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Jul 2003
Posts: 162 |
Very good, man! I like Cindy's idea too...consider it. But nice job!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
thanks for the read guys!! cin... you had a great idea so i changed it just a hair then added it to the song. thanks again ya'll. scotty
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 139
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 139 |
Scotty,
This reminds me of a friend of mine that has since gone on to be with the Lord. You really touched a nerve here.
Gazoo
|
|
|
|
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 344
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Feb 2003
Posts: 344 |
Wow...*snif* that's quite the kicker of an ending, there, bayou boy. A definite keeper!! Jaden ------------------ http://www.geocities.com/kitty_caliente :PLEASE VISIT MY WEBPAGE! ATTENTION TO THOSE IN THE GREATER KANSAS CITY AREA: Please contact me if you are interested in a local chapter. Thanks!!
|
|
|
|
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690
Top 10 Poster
|
Top 10 Poster
Joined: Aug 2003
Posts: 10,690 |
sad, but i like the fact, that you celebrate, his earthly time, as well as mourn, the loss of a friend ------------------ http://www.random-noise.com/ [This message has been edited by spiderlady (edited 07-07-2003).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
thanks for the read guys... i lost my best friend from high school and this song is about the crazy things we used to do. thanks again. scotty
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,125
Top 100 Poster
|
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2001
Posts: 2,125 |
HI Scotty, I agree with Cindy that this lyric needs to be tightened up a bit. A good trick is to just read one line, one verse or chorus at a time--alone and feel it out, weed it out, meter it out and then go on to the next one. I am expecting you to spend a little more time on this , polishing it to greatness, because, it is absolutely worth the effort!! THe story line is really good and the sad revelation is one to make a grown man cry. A beautiful memory and a wonderful tribute to a lasting friendship. Congrats on a really good one. Idamarie
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148 |
jp
[This message has been edited by joshrp (edited 03-19-2006).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148
Serious Contributor
|
Serious Contributor
Joined: Mar 2003
Posts: 148 |
jp
[This message has been edited by joshrp (edited 03-19-2006).]
|
|
|
|
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899
Top 100 Poster
|
OP
Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jan 2003
Posts: 2,899 |
ida and josh... thanks for the read guys. i think tightening this one up would be easier when singing it? i, unfortunately, can't do that (lol) so i'll take another look at it. cin.... what do you think would work for pre-chorus #1???? i'm all ears!!! scotty [This message has been edited by bayoufantasy2 (edited 07-09-2003).]
|
|
|
We would like to keep the membership in Just Plain Folks FREE! Your donation helps support the many programs we offer including Road Trips and the Music Awards.
|
|
Forums117
Topics125,717
Posts1,160,950
Members21,470
|
Most Online37,523 Jan 25th, 2020
|
|
"If one man can do it, any man can do it. It is true. But the real question is, if one man did it, are you willing to do what it takes to do it as well?" –Brian Austin Whitney
|
|
|
|